Almost a year ago I wrote about a tradition in our family, as far back as I can remember Swedish Kringle has been part of our traditions (and that is as far as I made it last year :-D). I fully intended to go back and write more – I didn’t. BUT, about three weeks ago I was inspired to continue the idea by Patience Brewster, a designer of Christmas ornaments and gifts.

I’ve realized a few other first thoughts when I think about traditions are actually from my childhood, but not necessarily what I do with my children. I’m finally in a place where I can realize because our family dynamic is so different from what I grew up with, it is okay. Traditions can change, it doesn’t mean they have less meaning. I’m learning the value in accepting and embracing change. Two years ago, my children & I packed up on Christmas Eve morning and went to spend the night at friends’ house. We were with their family for Christmas morning and through the whole day – it was very different, but fun memories were made. We didn’t experience our traditions, instead we participated in theirs.

As a child:

• Christmas music was not allowed to be played until after Thanksgiving dinner. My mom was always really strict about this (except, today – she listened to Christmas music as she was here alone for a couple hours & put up white lights outside.).
• We always had a real tree, so while Christmas decorations & music were pulled out, the tree didn’t go up right away. I don’t remember a specific date the tree would go up –  for sure not before Thanksgiving dinner, but sometime soon after, but not so soon it would start losing needles before Christmas – or die before New Years. My mom always kept it up until New Years, then before we went back to school we had to help put it all away (I hated that – so I’ve changed it!)
•  On Christmas Eve, we would go to my grandparents’ home with my dad’s sister & her family – this is when we opened gifts between the families, then we would all get dressed up and go to the candlelight service (at 11pm?). My grandpa was the pastor of the church – we only did this the seven years we lived in WI, but nearly 30 years later it still seems as if we ought to go.
• Christmas morning was at our house with just our family of five, we didn’t have a lot of money growing up (my dad was finishing school/working part-time & my mom was home with us kids) we got stockings and one main gift. We never felt cheated or like we had less.
• Then we’d go back to Grandpa & Grandma’s and spend the afternoon/evening. Christmas was about being with family and friends.

As a mom: I can’t really remember the first two Christmases, being a mom was so new and traditions in life were not a priority. I do know my son’s 1st Christmas was in OR, we lived in the biggest two-bedroom apartment I’ve ever lived in, but we shared our space with fleas & cockroaches. [Ewwww! I’ll take my small one bedroom apartment, thankyouverymuch!!!] I mostly remember trying to keep Vince on a large blanket on the living room floor; he was only 5 months, but he’d already been crawling for a month. I do remember a tree, but no ornaments, lights, or other decorations. Vince’s 2nd Christmas I was pregnant and had the flu, and our family had an absentee father/husband. He was out-of-state working, but things were really not good.

By Vince’s 3rd Christmas, we were a single-parent family; Vince was 3 & Christine was 4 months. I remember feeling like such failure – I didn’t know or understand how a family could be a family without two parents. I did not know, or grow up knowing, anyone who had been divorced. At that point I realized I needed to make changes in what I thought was necessary to celebrate holidays. Our family looked different than any I knew. Since then I’ve tried a few consistently different things, namely adjusting my focus. It’s been 14 years now. I won’t lie and say it’s become easy to hang onto the idea that one parent and two children are a family. There are moments of intense ache because of this fact in our life, but when I find myself longing for something different, I choose to Give Thanks.

I give thanks for the blessings we have each day – even when it doesn’t feel like a blessed day. With our Heavenly Father, we always have the hope of a future meant to glorify Him. He promises (Jeremiah 29:11 <- look in the sidebar, to the right & up). I am still and will always be: His child, His daughter, and He is King of Kings – no matter what my temporary circumstances may look like.

Christmas music is supposedly not allowed to be played until after Thanksgiving dinner. (However, the last two years I’ve realized when I play Christmas music earlier I am able to make gifts without it being the very last moment when I finish. So I’ve fudged on this, and my daughter’s been listening to it for a while, and Vince is still adamantly against :-D).

Our live tree in 2008….

Ugh, our  living room looked awful! This is before we had a real couch. You can see Vince’s desk to the left, and all my office/homeschool stuff on the right. This is also before I pulled the carpet out of my living room. This is when my walls were newly painted blue; I’d painted them the night after our first campaign, November of 2008. I was afraid I’d hate them and have to paint it back (which equated to a waste of time & money)…. Today, I still love my blue walls as much as I did when I painted them – six years ago!

Our three porch trees….

I don’t put wrapped gifts under the tree until Christmas Eve night – usually because I’m still making them :-D! Did I mention, for the most part – we make/upcycle all our gifts? There are a couple reasons for this – we’ve never had a lot of money, so buying a lot of gifts is out of the question. Simply not an option. This has been normal for my whole life – but I have also found, I’d much rather make our gifts. I hate shopping. So, shopping and spending money I don’t have/shouldn’t spend is exponentially not appealing to me. There are times we do buy things of course, but it’s not expected. Additionally, for our extended family – we’ve all approved and prefer recycle/upcycle gifts. If we’re in a thrift store or having something we know someone would like – we give it to them. No shame, no explaining. It is so much fun and we appreciate giving and receiving because no one feels as if they have to do anything. Also, if you don’t want to wait until Christmas – you can give it to them early and (gasp!) they can open it right then!

We have chosen to make the holidays about family – not activities/events, not stuff, or traditions/obligations we have to do.

Thankfully, all of us are okay with this. A few years back my mom & one brother thought we should draw names because there were getting to be so many of us (12 at the time) and some were struggling with letting go of the idea to buy for everyone… we all hated it. we didn’t stick with it. most of us still did gifts for others, because it’s what we wanted to do. We altered the “rule” to be you just couldn’t give the “extra” gifts at our Christmas exchange. That was the year I really realized the blessing in giving – when I felt it was “against the rules” to make a gift for my dad – I couldn’t not make a gift. (yes, I have an issue with rules. I struggle greatly when I break them, but I regularly doN’T keep them. Personality conflict anyone? :-D)

I try to have Christmas decorations up by Dec 1st, and I usually take them down by the 29th. I want to bring in the New Year already cleaned & organized. There have been a few years we had a real tree, but for the last several years we’ve had 3 fake porch trees grouped together. I got these trees on clearance many years ago and because they’re different & unique and not a “normal” fake Christmas tree – I like them. As the kids got bigger and with all of us in the living room each day, a full size tree was just too much. These fake trees are tall, narrow, and small enough to fit in the living room – but I’ve bent the wire limbs down to put them away and “fluffed” them for too many Christmases. The last couple times I’ve put them away I’ve thought they wouldn’t make it thru another Christmas – I fully realize I may have to do something different this year. Last year there were a couple wire limbs I held to the trunk with the lights :-).

We have had a tradition since both of my brothers’ wives have their families within just a few miles – we have the eve of Christmas Eve. It’s our family’s re-creation of “Christmas morning at Grandpa & Grandma’s”. So, on the eve of Christmas Eve all of the kids open their Christmas jammies (started as matching, then went to coordinating – we haven’t talked about what we’ll do this year. The kids are ranging from 2-17 & we’re too cheap to buy expensive matching…), then it’s a big sleepover and we get up in the morning for “Christmas morning” on Christmas Eve. So on the real Christmas Eve we open gifts between our extended family (14 this year!). Christmas Eve evening is a hangout (maybe with family friends) time and I’m usually finishing up gifts :-). This way both brother’s can have their own family time on Christmas morning and time with their in-laws without stressing – trying to be with everybody on the same day.

Christmas morning I have with my two, then we move over to mom & dad’s. This is when we eat kringle, read the Christmas Story, and then the last bit of exchange between the three of us and my parents. We pretty much still stick to one main gift and stockings.

This year is bringing yet another shift in our traditions. My son is 17!!!!! He got his driver’s license yesterday. After his test we went to say happy birthday to my sister-in-law, then he brought me home & drove back to my brother’s house so they could go running, then he brought his sister & himself home. This is going to be WEIRD!!! After cello lessons his friend came out to meet us so Vince could go to his house to spend the night – I took him to the meeting point (so I could have the car today) and watched as they drove away. So very, very strange. I realized as I spent a lot of unexpected/un-planned time at home alone yesterday and last evening- this holiday season will be much different than ever before. In the past, the kids would have activities and I would drive them, I either planned for errands – or it was time I’d spend reading in the car. Also, this is probably next to the last “for sure” Christmas with Vince at home.

Even with all the changes – there are constants. Our Heavenly Father. Thankfulness. Family.

What does the holiday season mean for each of us? For our family, November is a continuation of thankful living. We might vocalize it more – but not much is different, except for making even more of a point to have together time. We are blessed to be part of a family where all involved appreciates the value of family and makes a point to be together. Both of my brother’s have in-laws who are family friends too. So, it makes for fairly simple planning for family gatherings. For example, we know one brother & his family won’t be with us on Thanksgiving Day – it isn’t an issue, we’ll gather for a different dinner. It’s not about a single meal in a month, but we’re trying for weekly (or close to) family dinners while Zach & his family are here from the Philippines. We are blessed. I know there are many who don’t have this kind of relationship with their family, and/or in-laws, my heart aches for you. I am praying you are able to see God’s gift of love for you in spite of those hardships.

Where am I in the planning & traditions for this year? So far, now in the middle of November….

• We have no snow. as in zero.
• I’ve not started listening to Christmas music. (I did once, the weekend in October when I did a bunch of cleaning/sewing for my niece’s birthday, and I was sick)
• I’ve not started making gifts. (but I have ideas in my mind, I think I even have most of the supplies too)
• Tomorrow is our second whole family dinner in a week, in honor of my sister-in-law’s birthday. (whole family = 14 of us, but dad isn’t here this week)
• We are now less than 2 weeks from Thanksgiving….. and I have to figure out how to make Swedish Kringle be Gluten Free/Dairy Free/Egg Free (could be interesting, not sure the egg free part will work at all).
• In two weeks I’ll be pulling out Christmas decorations. :-D!!!

This year, I challenge you: Don’t stress about buying/giving gifts. Focus on time spent with family & friends instead. You won’t ever regret it.

The holidays can be a gift to us: A time to enjoy simple things, have life be a little different – a time to appreciate our many blessings in life. NOT a time to create ginormous to-do lists to add to our already over-burdened schedules. Participate in the activities you want; if you don’t necessarily enjoy it, re-evaluate – do you really need to attend?

May I make a couple suggestions?

1. Instead of buying all those friend gifts – stop, call your friend and make an appointment with them to visit over coffee/tea/cold drink, whatever – at your house, at their house, at a coffee shop, at a book store, wherever you are both comfortable. It doesn’t have to be for a long time, it doesn’t have to be fancy, it doesn’t have to be a meal. Just stop & visit face-to-face, even just an hour can be so meaningful. (I’m not against buying stuff, just suggesting an alternative for when you simply can’t. Who knows? Maybe you’ll find it better than buying in the future :-D.)
2. All the holiday cookies? Simple, don’t make them. Make the ones for your family you know you really enjoy. No one needs all those baked goods any more than any other time of year. If you wouldn’t normally consider making 10 different kinds for one event/evening – why do it now?
3. Don’t go too overboard on decorations. … (they do all have to be put away :-D)
4. Take time to rest and enjoy the season.

I’m so glad Patience Brewster contacted me and asked about our family traditions, inspiring me to continue now, when the blog world is thinking about Christmas planning. I’ve written and re-written this post so many times in my head, and I’ve never actually written it all out. (you know how it goes, when someone else asks it becomes a higher priority :-D). Thank you, Patience, for the opportunity to do a “for real” blog activity :-).

I really do enjoy blogging – once I get started :-). Thanks for reading.