1990 | Summer: I realized I’d been sexually abused.
1991 | May: I graduated from high school.
1991 | November: I met my ex-husband at college.
1991-1994 | Holidays: I noticed a pattern of drinking during the holidays. Each time he denied there had been a previous time. Those days he was charming and always had a reason, then he would apologize. He would say I helped him not drink the rest of the year….. I believed him. He promised it wouldn’t happen again.
1995 | October: We got married and he stopped being charming. However, as far as I understood & believed, marriage was for life.
1995 | November: We moved from Alaska to Portland, Oregon. I believed the turmoil wasn’t a “hardship”, but needing to learn to live together.
1997 | July: Vince was born.
1998 | February: We moved from Portland back to Alaska
1999 | August: He started working away from home (as in going to Florida to work) & drinking more. The short times he was with us at home were not good. The emotional/verbal abuse was getting worse, to the point it was in front of family & friends and others were seeing the truth of what was going on.
2000 | April: He moved back from Florida, but continued to work out of town.
2000 | June: His first DUI while working out of town. I found out after he was out of jail. He decided to move back into our house because he was embarrassed to keep working with the people who saw him drunk & knew he had the DUI. He worked for the same company and work was still an hour away. I became his transportation because his license had been taken away.
2000 | July: Christine was born.
2000 | October: He left. Vince was three; Christine was 10 weeks old.
2000-2003 | Every week: We met with him in a public place for a couple-few hours. At his “beck & call”; there were times the kids & I would show up and he didn’t come. It would take us a couple days to relax from the “visit”, then we’d start to gear up for the next one. It was not a fun cycle & excruciating to live out with a six & three year old who did not understand what was going on. They knew they didn’t like the visits, but since it was the only time they ever got fast food or junk toys – they also liked it, while hating the tension. He would buy their lunch, but not mine – in front of the kids. He’d “go off” if I didn’t buy something to eat, so to keep the peace, I buy food I knew would make me feel awful. Since we were essentially living on no money, it was painful for me to have to spend it on buying food when I didn’t want it. I was in so much turmoil, nothing would have been good – but especially not fast food.
2003 | May: He had divorce papers served to me.
2003 | August: Divorce court. Vince was six, Christine was three. The judge gave me sole legal & physical custody and permission to leave the state to care for my grandparents. We had to keep the weekly public visits as we had been doing for the previous three years. However, the judge said after three times of him not showing up, we were not obligated to continue any longer. Prior to the court date, there were several visits he had set up, then no-showed. One of them I had driven an hour, was sitting at a bouncy place with the kids waiting for him. He called the place and said he’d be about 20 min late – he was on his way…he never came. For the record – a three & six year do NOT know what to do with this kind of repeated abandonment. And it was so hard to never speak ill of him to them, but God gave me the strength, words and grace.
2003/2004 | December to late-July: My children & I left Alaska to care for my grandparents. Grandma had a stroke the day after the Dr. gave her a clean bill of health from the stroke she’d had a year prior. Two weeks later she passed away. We stayed on to help Grandpa with adjusting to kidney dialysis and life without Grandma, they’d been married 60’ish years.
2004 | July – December: Since we were back in the State, the visits were supposed to start back up. There were several visits he set up (time/place), he cancelled most within hours of supposed start time.
2005 | Jan: The first & last time we met him. It was the first time we’d met him since before going to my grandparents. It was the last time we saw him.
2009 August -2011 April: I did school full-time online.
2010 October – 2011 May: I started to be horribly sick.
2011 | May: My doctor told me to go Gluten Free & Dairy Free.
2012 | May: Vince’s first trip to the Philippines.
2013 | January: A dose of reality absolutely everyone should be spared from.
2013 | April-June: All three of us went to the Philippines.
2015 | December: Vince got his driver’s license.
2016 | January-April: My daughter experienced bullying from another homeschooling, Christian girl. Yes, this happens even in homeschooling situations. in church. We are all sinners saved by grace.
2016 | May: Vince graduated high school.
2016 | June: Vince’s third trip to the Philippines.
2016 | August: Vince drove out of the State, through Canada, to go to college.
2016 | September: Christine & I got a stomach bug
2016 | October: Christine got sicker.
2016 | November: Christine got sicker.
2016 | December: Christine got sicker; Vince came home from college; Vince got engaged.
2017 | January: Christine got sicker; we finally got Doctor recommendations & doctor visits became a full-time job; she started chiropractic visits.
2017 | February: Doctor appointments were tapering off.
2017 | March: Christine started to feel better; got her driver’s license.
2017 | April: Christine was finally being a bit more normal.
2017 | May: Christine better; Vince came home from college; Zach & Jane came home from Philippines.
2017 | June: Vince got married.
2017 | July: Christine able to go on Beyond.
2017 | August: Vince left; Christine started lots of dance classes; last trip to the Cov.
2017 | September: Christine started her Senior year.
2017 | October: Christine gone 4-5 days/week all day with school & work; got word of being in Nutcracker; trip to Colorado to visit CCU; got really sick & had to take ACT while having a fever & not feeling good.
2017 | November: Thanksgiving #2 without Vince & M.E.; Christine dancing tons; found out ACT too low for CCU to accept application.
2017 | December: Christine had lots of dance practices, then performances for recital & Nutcracker.