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Balance…

ThoughtfulEscapes — Sat, 10 Feb 2024 21:38:38 +0000

Courtesy of my daughter enjoying poetry, we have some books around….I saw this poem and it gives me the giggles. I actually understand it. identify with it. picture it. feel it.

The Lost Thought

I felt a clearing in my mind

As if my brain had split;

I tried to match it, seam by seam,

But could not make them fit.

The thought behind I strove to join

Unto the thought before,

But sequence ravelled out of reach

Like balls upon a floor.

~by Emily Dickenson

{warning: you probably want to stop reading now. I’m warning you that is seriously the last of my making any sense! This will be a rambling post, I’m attempting to track some of my own thoughts for later, but they are definitely like balls (or marbles, or little beads) rolling, in every direction, around on the floor!}

It is a crazy world we live in. We go at warp speed to keep up and ache for time to slow down. Remember the saying, “don’t forget to stop to smell the flowers” {or whatever it really is}? Well, anymore I don’t think it is so much we forget, we want to, ache to, but if we even slow down to try to get a whiff we’ll get run over by life. I have been handed an unexpected gift. A gift, a blessing, I’m sure God knew I would need, but I’m finding myself almost confused by the counter balancing taking place.

I am down to my regular weekly schedule being one job and one class (outside of “normal” life you know: parenting, homeschooling, piano lessons, youth group, cleaning, etc).

I feel like I used to as a MOPS (Mother of Preschooler) mom when I went somewhere without the kids and I was so used to holding a hand and/or carrying a car seat, or baby, that when I tried to do something simple I had a hard time. You know what I mean, when it’s time to checkout and you feel as if you’re doing it weird because you don’t need to counter-balance anyone else’s weight but you’re trying to anyway.

I’m going to back up a little bit: obviously I didn’t get around to any updating before Christmas break was done :-)! I’m not really going to update much, but we have had many more changes and are into another round of changing – again. In case anyone is wondering and hasn’t figured out for sure – we are homeschooling again, and loving it! I am thankful for the things we all learned {my daughter likes poetry?!} and know it was necessary to get through last fall with the kids being ‘in’ school; but we are all thrilled to be living our more “normal” way of life. If someone is actually reading this and wants to know more, feel free to ask me, but I won’t write more about it here. I don’t regret my decision last fall, I know it was totally right, it was not a mistake, and I’m thankful for the way things have worked out.

I posted two finals yesterday and started my final class today – 9 weeks from today (April 10) I will be 100% done! In order to have some sanity to get through the holidays, and because I was seriously losing my doggie paddle fight and was in way over my head, totally drowning – I put one of my jobs on hold until today. When I requested this it was mid-November, a finals week, and between my two online jobs I was needing to put in 40 hours; and I thought I was starting the next week with 3 classes and I would have been graduated as of midnight last night. The one job was “student friendly” and said I could wait and return to work today. It ended up being one of my classes was a pre-requisite to the other, so I couldn’t take the final 3 classes, but only 2 of them. As always, God was totally watching out for me – one of those two classes was Life Science {more commonly known as Biology!}. I really, really dislike Science – in particular, Biology… I won’t say any more – except, I’m in design – web design, graphic design — why oh why did I need Biology?! ugh! But that is done now.

So anyway, I had this mental plan even though I was a bit unsure how it would all play out. See, when I put the one job on hold I supposedly gained 4 hours per day – I’m not sure where those hours went, but I never got them. They went into hiding somewhere (Vince said they became ‘roll-over’ hours! –smart mouth :-)!!) so, I knew that I would have two more classes done yesterday and today I’d start this job again and I’d work one job 4 hours/day; have one class; and the 2nd job was to be no more than 10 hours/week…so 1 class, work 30 hrs/week, and homeschool — yes it would be a lot, but only for 9 weeks. Then I’d be graduated and only working 30 hours/week until I got my own business up and going – less than last summer’s schedule of work 20 hrs online/wk and the most horrible, worst class ever (programming that had 3-4 assignments each week at 6-8 hours each assignment-online) and another class. Again…anyway, so I posted my second final last night and dutifully within 2 hours checked into my work email, for the “student friendly” job only to find out they had let me go, due to a change of direction of how money was going to be spent and unavailability of hours for me to work. So, just like that – I have one job and one class. My mind is reeling with all the things I can do, I don’t have to muster up 20 hours in my week from nowhere. I don’t have to ‘do it all’ and be miserable for the next 9 weeks. I get to enjoy life. I get to anticipate spring {breakup}. I get to be “just” a homeschooling mom, taking a class, and working a job that has a limit of 10 hours per week. I get to spend the time learning how to use my new Wacom tablet. I get to play with my new Cricut machine (Christmas present-haven’t even opened the box yet). I get to sew. I get to read again {for fun!}. I get to detach my face from the computer for multiple hours per day. I get to have empty space in my head. This morning I woke up and just laid there awake for a half hour, because I could. I have 9 weeks to transition into NOT being a full-time student. This last class will take a lot of time, in fact it could be pretty brutal, similar to the dreaded programming class {or Biology}….but it has the potential of being actual usable information I need to know {unlike Biology-seriously, I’ve lived this long not needing to know anything Biology related, why would I need to know it now?}.

Amongst all that relief is a small, niggling voice that wants to remind me I had a plan for that income – it was the “steady income” I was going to rely on. He has given me 9 weeks to work on getting my business started, my other job is a contract through June – it may or may not be renewed. However, after 8 years of no income – I have had four different jobs since starting school; two out of the house and two online. My reasoning for going to school was to earn an income from home.

I am choosing to not be freaked and instead I am choosing joy, relief, and peace in the knowledge that God has a plan. A perfect plan. A plan to bring Him glory; I am choosing to trust His goodness. He will provide in His perfect way. He promised.

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Fall changes…

ThoughtfulEscapes — Sat, 10 Feb 2024 21:38:37 +0000

Fall – one of many favorite times of year for me.
I am always ready for fall and the color changes…it also signals school supplies, books, and schedules (more favorites for me) :)!

A beautiful day on the lake.
Bumpa with all his grand kids checking out how the boat rides.

Getting ready to head to Whittier. 4 of the 5 boys in our family went for a guy’s only trip with the boat to Whittier.

These were the two boys who couldn’t contain their grins, the big boys were excited too – they just didn’t show it quite as much. They had a beautiful day and a wonderful time was had by all.

Vince created this ‘bread bowl’ for the campaign dinner mom & dad had last week. It is his cabbage leaves inside a birch basket. He really enjoys cooking and presenting food – this is a good thing :).

Christine has started Rhythmic Gymnastics and is loving it! For several years she has wanted to do this, I’ve held off because I figured she was too young to really appreciate and practice what she learned. I think it worked – she is practicing all the time, she’s stretching further and further. She can hula hoop for a long time and controlled balance spin it on her hand too.

She has come so far in such a short time! Yes, she is hula hooping 2 hoops at the same time. That is a bridge on her toes!!!!

This was my creative outlet this weekend…3 pairs of jeans became 2 skirts for CJ.

To make a long skirt I had to use 2 pairs of jeans. Somewhere I saw this online, but I couldn’t find it again. Doesn’t matter, I probably wouldn’t have followed the directions anyway. 🙂 Christine loved that she got to pick the heart shaped stitching for the hem and the zig-zag is decorative.

This was a pair of Vince’s painter pants. I loved that I could keep the side pocket. The opposite leg had a hole split totally across the knee it was close, but I got it to work. The ruffle I had sitting done already, it was for a flower girl dress I didn’t make because we found one instead – and it was the perfect size! Vince isn’t real sure what he thinks of his jeans’ 2nd life. (I think he’s secretly pleased :)…shhhh!) He’s informed me I won’t disgrace his Carharts….we’ll see. 🙂 The other skirt was my favorite, until I made this one.

There have been many changes for our little family of 3 this fall. I worked all but 2 days of the fair – wow! That was a really fun experience and I got to work with a wonderful team of people. Mom kept my kids, thanks Mom!! They were long days, but we all are able to now really appreciate I don’t have to work 10-12 hour days all the time for us just to live.

We are entering 6 weeks of school times 2. We are home schooling and enjoying life. In August I became a full-time student too, my classes are all online so I’m home with the kids and we do school together. I’ve also just started working a part-time job. It is a job the kids can come with me and so far they are enjoying working along side me. This is a new venture for us – for me to work outside our home, long-term, not just for a couple weeks. We are also working around 2 youth group schedules. My kids are Seniors this year and Vince is Middle School! Yes, I’m tired, but content and know these are all things that were waiting for the right timing. For whatever reason the right timing is now – all at once! The kids are old enough for this to work and we are happy. God is in control and He puts His plan in front of us. It is up to us what we choose to do with that direction.

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Overwhelmed. In blessings.

ThoughtfulEscapes — Sat, 10 Feb 2024 21:38:37 +0000

(Zach is on the left, the black vests are life jackets)

(don’t know anything about this photo, except Zach sent it to dad tonight; so, I’m assuming it is the Bahamas, isn’t it gorgeous?!)

These pictures are to show you the extremes what of my brothers are seeing right now. I am very proud of both my brothers. I am proud of how they have both grown into wonderful men following hard after what they believe God wants of each of them. I am blessed to have family. Family I can turn to. Family I love. Family I miss. I am blessed to have not just one brother, but two brothers I am proud of. I am overwhelmed in blessings tonight.

Both of my brothers were trained to be pilots, they started out thinking they would serve in missions together. They made difficult choices to take different paths with their pilot training. Both working in missions, with different views out their cockpit windows. Today Matt is in Alaska, thankfully just down the road – more on that later. Zach is in the Bahamas – on his way to Haiti to help with the relief effort there. Zach left West Palm Beach, FL this morning, flew all day over water and is in Stella Maris, Bahamas tonight, and heads to Port-au-Prince early tomorrow morning. They had heavy headwinds, so they only made it half way. He is flying with Samaritan Air! My mind has worked (unsuccessfully) to really grasp this ALL day. My little brother is flying a R44 helicopter with a big mission, to help with a relief effort in Haiti that we are seeing on TV!!!!!!!!! (and my baby brother flies his plane to land on glaciers, in the bushes, wherever is needed, taking whatever is needed to whomever – an Alaskan Bush Pilot) My brothers are having incredible, huge adventures!

They have prayed me through hard times, stepping up at different times to help with decisions and my children (both before they have even had their own), walking along side me. Today, I am feeling incredibly small. We have such an awesomely HUGE God. Today as I drove in the driveway I thought “Zach is flying to Haiti, Jane is in AZ with the kids, mom & dad are in Juneau – I’m so glad Matt & Samantha are just up the road and aren’t in Chile like they were this time last year!” I think I would have just curled up and cried!!! Have you heard about Louis Giglio? Watch the few minutes here, but this video is worth buying; I have it and think of it often. It is so amazing and puts our earth’s life in perspective with what is really around us. We are so little and insignificant in the realm of life, the grand scheme of everything; so NOT the center of the universe like we’d like to think we are.
I am learning about feelings. God means for us to feel; He invites us to be a feeling people, fully feeling. I really like this description, “Feelings are the internal reactions generated by our own interpretation of people, events and life experiences.” (Me, an Evangelist? by William McKay) I don’t typically have a shortage of feelings, but I do not usually express them. Over the last couple of years I have been learning to let go enough to really feel and allowing expression of the feelings in me. It is my nature to thoroughly enjoy something, but not necessarily express it. This has been a work in progress. I am thick-skulled, aka stubborn according to my parents :).

I have not had time to write a post that has been floating in my head for 3 wks now…New Year, New living room, New Life, New Schedule. In a nutshell, we have had New Year’s, I have cleaned every corner of my house in the form of organizing every room, rearranging my living room, and we have new life in our house due to a new schedule. I decided against all economic, earthly sense to quit the part time job I had started last fall. I am not going to go into detail of any of this now, because I feel like it is all old news – besides, life is so refreshingly peaceful. However, the funny thing is – we haven’t slowed down at all! I’m not sure where working fit in. My school started after Christmas full speed ahead, with many days having homework due and often both classes having something due on the same day – 2 and 3 times/week! The rest of the kids’ school work came and we’ve been doing homeschool each day too. Vince is loving cross-country skiing, his coach told him today he is ready to advance to skate skiing, even though he’s barely started and only comes twice per week. We need to work on getting to the Saturday practices, they kind of can be an option now. I say ‘kind of’ because Matt is building and Vince is working with him on Saturday’s. We’ll have to see what we can shift, so Vince can possibly work other days per week and ski on Saturdays.

Over the last several years I have had time on my side. I usually had time to do whatever came up, I was the one who’s {is that a word? how else would you write it?} schedule was the easiest to fit something into. That has all changed so much this last school year. … These last couple years I have spent a lot of time being overwhelmed, over done, over tired, just over. We went from the hectic campaign schedule into a wonderful, fun filled summer. Full of family time and me working a couple different jobs for a couple weeks, into me starting full-time school and a part-time job out of the house, but homeschool was still a need and the house walls were starting to close in around me for lack of things at home getting done. I don’t do 6 days a week out of the house. Give me 6 days straight in the house anytime & I’m good, but that much running and I was past my last thread of sanity.

All of this is to say – in a round about way… I have become a leaking, sloppy sponge. I am so fully blessed, I feel like I am oozing. I have not felt this refreshed or peaceful in a very long time. Overwhelmed. I have been feeling overwhelmed, but I am now feeling peacefully overwhelmed. There are so many blessings in our lives. My cup is running over today. Without spending any more of your time in paragraph after paragraph of explanation I can’t begin to list all the blessings we are enjoying right now. All for His glory, for His good purpose; and there is so much yet to come.

(please ignore all spelling, punctuation, and horrible sentence structure – I’m tired & my thoughts are racing much faster than my fingers can type and my heart and mind are tripping over each other to race for what is going to come out my fingertips…tomorrow [OK -later today] starts another very full day.)

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