However, I will say I am in absolute denial of the snowflakes falling on my head (very tiny, but still it was snow!) moments before taking this picture and today there was slush falling out of the sky.  But since both of those moments were extremely short, and after May 1st. we. are. NOT. acknowledging them!

To dig a big deeper into my real on new thought processes, new plans, new perspectives, new schedules, new focuses….
I haven’t blogged as much lately because I can’t get my mind/thoughts/words organized and in order enough to type them.  My mind is racing nearly 100% of the time in about 10 directions.  It is not for lack of things to say or post about, but it is about sparing you the effort of reading through my word-filled, rambling, processing.  There are many aspects of life right now I need to be slow to post about.  You know, “there is a time and a place”.  I have so many things I really want to post.

As I’ve mentioned in a few recent posts, life has thrown a few curve bowling balls at me lately.  One I am pretty sure has finalized is my job.  It is done. Over.  I’m not sure what I think or how I feel.  In reality I don’t feel anything {maybe that’s why it bothers me :-)}.  It was not sudden; I was trying to be optimistic but I believe it is actually done.  The “contract” is through June, but a couple key dates have come and gone over the last two weeks and I wasn’t contacted.  It’s hard not to take it personal.  It was a great job, I learned lots, and it fit into life well.  I was originally hired by one person and within a short time a third joined our team.  We are all believers and we worked well together.  First one, then the other left, I was the final one remaining – with a new boss who didn’t think my services were necessary.  He did tell me this up front, as I said, it wasn’t sudden.

So.  I take lots of deep breaths these days and thank the Lord He is the ultimate provider God.  I’m working to not be freaked out.  {deep, deep breath}  My head knows this, my heart is slow in following…or should it be, in my core I know this, my heart & brain are slow in believing.

I have been trying to get a business started for over a year now and instead feel as if I’m just banging my head against the wall, which has really made me question if it’s the right direction to go or not.  Is God saying “wait” or “I have something better” and I’m just hanging onto the familiar thought – or do I need to push through?  At first I thought, “okay, this is God giving me the push I needed to just step out and do it.”  Then a couple possible contracts came up and I really thought, “okay, I get it; the other contract was taking too much time.  this really was just to give me the push“.  I put a lot of time into prep work and then all but one fell through. Again.  He has never failed me.  Why is this even remotely a struggle?  (Honest, unabridged, short version of why it’s a struggle….My attitude.  I don’t want to be the one responsible for earning an income for us.  I need to get over it.  I am a single parent and that is just the way it is.  You’d think I’d have this figured out after 12.5 years! {good grief})  It is a choice and I am going to Choose Joy.

Moving on…This morning my Bible Study was on James 4:11-17.  (James by Beth Moore)  In these verses we are reminded we should not state our plans as, “I will….“; but instead, say “Lord willing, I will….” or “I will…, Lord willing“.  When we just make a statement it can be considered boasting in arrogance.  I have found with this study I can only take bites of each day’s lesson.  It is so much, I just can’t absorb any more than about a half lesson each day.  (good thing I’m doing it on my own!)  I have done many Beth Moore Bible Studies; I crave the daily homework.  It is a style that works well for me {I also love, love, love fill in the blank.  It just makes my heart happy.}.  It isn’t just about the fill in the blank though, it is search for the answer {whether in the Bible or your heart} then fill it in.  All of that is to say, I haven’t finished this particular section.  I was just reminded of this.  I grew up with my dad often saying, “Lord willing, our plan is….”; so it’s not a new concept to me.  Just one I hadn’t practiced or thought about in a while.  (As I write this, I just realized I have totally blown it several times today.  There is a specific plan for Wednesday I have stated as an absolute – today, several times in fact.  Lord, I’m so sorry.  Thank you for Your forgiveness and mercy.)

I spent the day going through old photos on my computer today.  I’m working on a website and need specific photos I know I have.but.could.not.find…..so frustrating.  I really do not like iPhoto.  That is going to be a big project – figure out how to get my photos out of iPhoto – so I can find them, re-name them, and organize them so it makes sense to me!  Oh man, has time flown by.  I was seeing pictures I seriously thought was just last year or maybe the summer before….nooo, how about July 2008!  What?! Seriously?!  How on earth did that happen?  I found photos showing I started my entry way in August of 2010 – I thought it was just last fall…….I’m hoping I will get that finished up this weekend.  I just finished getting the supplies I wanted.  So, Lord willing, I will get lots of crafting/sewing time in tomorrow…maybe, I’ll even get some posts ready to do so catching up in the next week or two.  😀  


I hope you have a blessed weekend!  Remember, family is the best priority.  No matter what.

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The flowers look so wimpy in their pots right now, but I look forward to them filling out, the colors really being visible & not seeing the dirt.

Last year a friend gave me one of these hanging bags with blue lobelia in it. It was beautiful, thick & bushy. When she gave it to me you couldn’t see the bag it was hanging in. This is just to the left of my door, we all got very used to walking out & around (we’d walk out & step to the left to go right) to go down the ramp. So, true to ‘old habits die hard’ this year since putting my screen door on (our signal that summer is here) we are all walking out & around and moving our head funny to the left when we walked out to get around the bushy plant that isn’t there! So, I decided to put Gypsophilia in it. I love Gypsophilia. I discovered it a few years back & haven’t been able to find any since. It has the sweetest, tiniest little flowers – I would have chosen white but they only had light purple. I decided purple is good. 🙂 It sure looks funny right now, I hope I didn’t hurt it too much trying to get the plants through the little holes…..soon (I hope) our step out to the left to go right &/or the funny ‘jerk your head to the left’ move will be for a reason again :).

I’m so thankful our Heavenly Father created things of beauty – big, enormous mountains & teeny tiny flowers – for us to enjoy. I love living in Alaska!

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The leaf buds up close today. I took this picture & the first one with the green tinge this morning. As the day progresses, it is growing greener! I’m sure of it!

Have a wonderful, wonderful spring day :)!

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Anyway… Matt called me this morning in true “Matt fashion”, he called at 8 – the first words out of his mouth were “Did I wake you up?” Was he asking out of kindness or kind of hoping he had? 🙂 I don’t know & I’m not so sure there wasn’t a note of disappointment that I answered with a ‘no’. He was actually calling to see if Vince would want to go flying with him today. Of course I said yes he’d go – thinking in my head “what fun, it’s an absolutely gorgeous day”. Matt said, “OK, I’ll be there in 10 min. He needs to be in full snow gear we’re going to the glacier”. I said “OK, I’ll pack him some food too”. Proof I’d been up for a while – there was conscious thought happening (those who know me knows it takes me significantly longer to get to this point than most people).

Now, Vince used to be awake most everyday by 6:30 or 7…that has changed… 🙂 I figured he was awake and even if not, he’d wake up quick considering what he got to go do. Lets just say I have had the pleasure of waking him up on numerous occasions lately, this was one of those times. Well, Vince was dressed in snow gear, had his breakfast, lunch, book & camera in hand, and was in Matt’s truck, maybe even getting close to Palmer – all before he ever really woke up! 🙂 When he walked out the door his head was still drooping, I had not yet actually seen his eyes & I hadn’t heard a whole word out of him yet, mostly just half words or sounds. They went & played on Knik Glacier, from the amazing pictures he took – he woke up & thoroughly enjoyed it all!

He even took this picture just before take off – just for me. When he was showing me his pictures & I said “oh, that is so cool” – his response was “yea, I know. I took it for you.”
:)! He did wake up thankful to go flying & thinking kind thoughts towards me.

Flying to the glacier.

Landed on the glacier.

Matt digging the hole, on the glacier.

Vince peeking out of the hole, on the glacier.

Self portrait of a very happy boy, in a hole – on a glacier!

You can check Matt & his many adventures out on www.blueiceaviation.com. Yes, I am biased – but it is truly a wonderful experience to “go play on a glacier”. Matt is a wonderful pilot & totally trust worthy!

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Easter. What an amazing act of love from our Heavenly Father to us.

Here is a story related in my Bible Study this morning. (quotes from Max Lucado’s Bible Study, Experiencing the Heart of Jesus)

… since God is more moved by our hurt than our eloquence, he responded. That’s what fathers do.

…

That’s exactly what Jim Redmond did.
His son, Derek, a twenty-six-year-old Briton, was favored to win the four-hundred-meter race in the 1992 Barcelona Olympics. Halfway into his semifinal heat, a fiery pain seared through his right leg. He crumpled to the track with a torn hamstring.
As the medical attendants were approaching, Redmond fought to his feet. “It was animal instinct,” he would later say. He set out hopping, pushing away the coaches in a crazed attempt to finish the race.
When he reached the stretch, a big man pushed through the crowd. He was wearing a t-shirt that read “Have you hugged your child today?” and a hat that challenged, “Just Do It.” The man was Jim Redmond, Derek’s father.
“You don’t have to do this,” he told his weeping son.
“Yes, I do,” Derek declared.
“Well, then, ” said Jim, “we’re going to finish this together.”
And they did. Jim wrapped Derek’s arm around his shoulder and helped him hobble to the finish line. Fighting off security men, the son’s head sometimes buried in the father’s shoulder, they stayed in Derek’s lane to the end.
The crowd clapped, then stood, then cheered, and then wept as the father and son finished the race.
What made the father do it? What made the father leave the stands to meet his son on the track? Was it the strength of his child? No, it was the pain of his child. His son was hurt and fighting to complete the race. So the father came to help him finish.
God does the same. Our prayers may be awkward. Our attempts may be feeble. But since the power of prayer is in the one who hears it and not the one who says it, our prayers do make a difference.

This made me think of things I’ve heard before, but for whatever reason clicked more with reading it this morning, Easter morning. If we as human parents will do anything for our children, often without really thinking about it & definitely defending our actions – How much more our Heavenly Father does for us & will do for us. He sent His Son to die on the cross, you know He wanted to spare Jesus – but it was for us He didn’t. His plan was to raise Jesus from the dead, also for us. If God were into the easier way of doing things He could have skipped Jesus’ pain, suffering & dying, but because the wages of sin is death He didn’t. Again, for us.

This weekend was very full of activities at the end of a full week and full of so many blessings. Two very special blessings I don’t want to ever forget…

One very special blessing – I wasn’t exactly sure what I was going to have Vince do while Christine & I were at the Mother/Daughter Tea on Saturday morning….but at the Good Friday Service on Fri night a very special friend’s husband invited him to join him & his son to go out on the 4-wheeler & look for mud puddles! What more could any boy want?! Vince was so excited! When we got home Fri. night he got all his warm clothes & plastic bags with change of clothes for when they were done & getting back into the van ready for the next morning. On Sat when he was back with me & we’d hooked up with other friends he kept telling them about how much fun it was to go find the mud & puddles and go through them. I think everyone we saw or talked to (whether we knew them or not!) in Jo-Ann’s knew he’d been out on a 4-wheeler. I don’t think he’d ever been out to play on one before. I’m sure my dad & brothers will hear lots about how you can just play on the 4-wheeler, not just use it for work. Dad, this is your warning – :).

This was just funny to me….in the weekly clothes talk of making sure his jeans were clean for Sun morning, Vince informed me that for Easter he wanted to look “just like Uncle Zach”. He was going to wear his jeans, tennis shoes, Carhart sweatshirt & Meekin’s Air Service cap. It was funny ‘cuz he’d actually thought about it & then told me ahead of time. This really isn’t much different than what he’s been living in lately, except the cap. Zach you are missed :)!

The other blessing was Christine’s dress. I don’t really put much effort in a new dress for Easter, if it works – great, if not – no big deal. I do like to have something fun and springy & Easter means it’s OK to start wearing less wintry clothes. I had it in my head I really wanted her to have a polka dot dress or a white eyelet dress for going into summer (I know, summer is still a long ways away – but I’m desperate to see it coming). I saw Gymboree’s polka dot dress & it made my desire stronger…but when it was on sale, they didn’t have the right size. There wasn’t polka dot material (that I liked) at Jo-Ann’s for making one either. Then the white eyelet dress at Target went on sale. However, when Christine tried it on we didn’t like it. It was one of those that was cute on the hangar but not so much on. None of this was specific “shopping for an Easter dress”, just in life as we were out & about. So we decided she’d wear her beautiful “Nutcracker dress”, it’s cream/ivory so it’d be fine. My hesitation was I want it to stay nice for a wedding this summer.

Friends at the Tea…
what fun memories to be had in future years.

So, anyway…Saturday morning was the Mother/Daughter Easter Tea at church. On our way to the Tea a friend called. She had a pink/green polka dot dress her daughter had grown out of & she wondered if Christine would like it for Easter?…and she had it with her & we’d see her at the Tea. I about cried – not because I cared so much about the dress, but because God cares about such insignificant elements in my life. I’m all teary even thinking about it. I mean seriously – CJ had a dress, this wasn’t a need in any shape or form. Not only was it a fun, springy dress, but it has big pink/green polka-dots & it is really cute on!

A dress wasn’t even something I’d specifically prayed for. It just wasn’t that important to me, I desired it but it wasn’t a high priority. If God is willing to answer what I haven’t asked for so perfectly, abundantly, above & beyond – how much more so does He want to answer/give what I do pray about and things/situations that are actually important?! The ending of the above quote: “Our prayers may be awkward. Our attempts may be feeble. But since the power of prayer is in the one who hears it not the one who says it, our prayers do make a difference.”really struck me. Lately I’d lost sight of this, thinking so many of my ‘unanswered’ (I know, this just means right now the answer is ‘wait’) prayers were a result of me not praying right or missing something. It’s not about me. It is about Him. What glorifies & honors Him. His timing is perfect.

Heavenly Father, thank you for being patient with me as I learn & relearn & have to be reminded again – You want what is best for me, for us. Your power is greater than our every need, than my every fear. Your power has already conquered sin and death. Teach me to rest confidently in your strong hands. Help me to rely on your power, even when I do not understand why things are happening. Thank you for caring about insignificant things, the desires of our hearts, even when they could be labeled ‘silly’. Meet me at the point of my greatest weakness with Your perfect power, in Your perfect love. Thank you for sending Jesus to die & rise again for my sins, for forgiving me, so I can spend eternity with You.

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While driving from Juneau a week and a half ago I kept seeing white bushy trees as I drove. Do you see the lowest row? I wondered as I drove what they were – even though I love to look at trees, I don’t know their identities….to me they go into just 2 categories – pretty or not so much…

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Even with the lovely weather, we went for a walk on the docks. This was our Easter Sunday walk, this is what the weather had looked like since it cleared up enough for us to land on Friday.(CJ has Emmala in the purple backpack.)

The kids didn’t remember that was how we had to get to where mom & dad stayed, when they lived on thePrinceton Hall. The apartment is really nice. We really enjoyed being at the apartment during the day until walking up to the capital.

On Friday, Bud had the opportunity to be a page for the House floor session. Mom, CJ & I sat in the guest area – it was pretty amazing to see a session in real life and not just on Gavel to Gavel. When session was done we got a picture of all of us with dad – how cool!

Friday afternoon we went to St. Theresa – a church on an island. It was so pretty to see. It was a different beach experience :)! The kids couldn’t help but play in the tide pools – even though it was freezing cold!!!!!

They did each find treasures.

CJ had a hermit crab that actually kicked his legs out & all around, she wasn’t sure she was as impressed with it once it got its feet under him & started walking around on her hand – that picture was blurry (I was laughing at her – “oooo, ooooh, quick take the picture” sounds & comments). Bud found 2 teeny, tiny starfish. (CJ held them for a long time).

Bud is showing Bumpa treasures & CJ soaking up hugs.

It was a cold and beautiful sunny day at an Alaskan beach.

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Sarah & I went into Anchorage for the IDEA curriculum fair yesterday (why I was anywhere near Wasilla Lake at 6 in the morning). It was beautiful & “warm” for spring in Alaska. We knew there was a forcast of sleet, but that didn’t seem like a big deal, (besides, maybe they’re joking – it’s the end of April)…. When we got to Anchorage it was starting to sprinkle a bit, by the time we parked & walked to the Egan Center it was slushing – when we left at noon it was snowing & collecting. We had planned all along to stay in Anchorage late – with the snowfall, we stayed really late.

This is just after 5pm, we’d been at the mall a couple hours. Of course, the snow scraper was taken out last week with the arrival of sunshine….but Sarah brought a 2nd pr of shoes, just in case & boy did we use them.

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