today’s word: Brave

START: As I’ve said before, I’ve had to face some things this year that have been very dark and ugly – my sin, others’ sin and living the repercussions of both. Because of someone else’s sin, someone I love dearly but now struggle to separate from a sin I have always considered the worst of the worst, because of that persons life choice – I’ve had to face down some ugly fears and untruths in my own life. Fears and untruths I believed for 30 years, I sinned by believing these things.

To heal, I needed quiet and lots of time with the Lord. I needed to step away from the noise of our online world. Even though I was reading good things, my heart was parched dry  – it was like a flash flood. Words of healing couldn’t even soak in, but as I took a break, gave myself more breathing room and it took time to let real truths soak in, I am starting to feel replenished. I couldn’t sort what was okay to say and what wasn’t; what was okay to think and feel and what wasn’t. In the meantime, in February I sent out support letters and as a result and by God’s grace and the generosity of others – my children and I are in the Philippines.

I have never been out of the country (not counting driving thru Canada or into Mexico for a few hours). I’ve never been in extreme areas of poverty. I’ve not known how other cultures live and work. I don’t know another language besides English. {I can’t even understand English when it is spoken with an accent.} I only know American dollars. I have to eat gluten free. I’m in a country that doesn’t understand gluten free – even though their natural foods are gluten free; they use lots of soy sauce.

Days before leaving I had a women say I was brave to come, by myself with my children. I don’t feel brave. I’m here because I can help my brother, his wife, and their three children. I don’t think bravery is intentional. My little understanding of ‘being brave’ is to totally give it all up to a Heavenly Father who knows. He knows what is best for us. He knows His perfect plan for my/our life. He knows what my body has rejected and how it rejects it. He knows and He cares. STOP

As a result of relaxing in Him:

• I have had 3 weeks of living with a house helper. Such an amazing thing. Something I certainly haven’t ever experienced in the States. Having consistent help keeping a clean house. Oh my! Getting to live in a clean house – and there is time in each day to sit and do nothing. What a blessing!
• Two weekends ago we piled a lot of us into a very small boat, went up river and swam for several hours, then on our way back we stopped at a bit of beach with a mini rainforest hidden in the trees. Then we watched massive amounts of bats come out of their cave for their nightly hunt.
• A week ago we went to a tribal village. {Oh my! More will come of that later. I’m still processing.}
• Last weekend I hiked thru a bit of jungle, walked in a river, and climbed a waterfall. {I’m not overly fond of being in water, and for sure am afraid of what lives in it. I’m not fond of living creatures of any kind in all these many places.} All firsts. All in the same five hours.
• All week I’ve eaten yellow and red watermelon and pineapple for breakfast.
• Today I watched my son cut a batch of coconuts from the tree in our backyard.
• Tomorrow I will see the Pacific Ocean like I’ve never seen it before. We will ‘live in’ swimsuits for the next 48 hours.

Every single one of these is something I’ve never ever dreamed I would experience. So abundantly more than I could have ever imagined or dreamed. I’m starting to feel alive again. Below is a for real treefort. I saw it with my own eyes – isn’t it amazing?!

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Ironically – in my mind don’t put blogs in the same classification – even though they are a virtual relationship as well.  I guess because you can’t fake it as long and posts are more deliberately thought out.  You see a more real side of a person through their blog – what drives them to write, how they write about life’s experiences, etc.  As time goes on – readers can sense the writer’s heart, whether they are insincere, down, or encouraged about something.

So, on that note….  Donna from Funky Junk Interiors put out a challenge last week – pick out a scary thing in life that we’ve been wanting to do but have numerous reasons {excuses} not to do, and do it within the week.   I wouldn’t classify this in the status of a dream want to do…but of necessity.  And it scares me.

What is that big, scary thing that I’ve been putting off & needed the nudge to do? It’s actually pretty simple…facebook for my blog – I have had a personal facebook account for several years, I just don’t use it.  I got it when I was a youth group leader to communicate with my kids, since they’ve all graduated I login when I want to message someone, or they message me.  So basically, I’m dead weight on facebook.  Is that too weird?  Are there others of you who understand what I’m saying?

However, because I blog (and in general spend way too much time online) I see the benifits, and so many people having fun and enjoying more day-to-day life friendships/relationships with their blog friends.  I tend to sit on the outskirts, the sidelines, and watch &/or listen in crowds in real life – no different really in blogging.  I’ve been on the sidelines for a while.  To me, posting a status update on facebook is too much like getting up on stage and commanding attention (how is this different on a blog?  I don’t know, other than you choose to come see me rather than me forcing conversation).  I guess I extend that “okay’ness” to a blog related facebook.  Again, only those who really want to be there will.

So, I started a facebook for my blog a while back….but didn’t make it public.  I got frustrated trying to figure out if when I post on the blog facebook will everyone on my other facebook account see it — I don’t want them too.  I feel as if I’ve intruded into others’ privacy when I see every article, you tube, pin to pinterest, or a conversation between people that should be private on facebook.  But I see so many other blogs’ talk about facebook – you guys have made it all look so enticing, I want to join the fun……{can you tell I’m scared to death here?}…. I’m stalling.and rambling.big time.  *deep breathe*

Okay, keep breathing…I’m trying to talk myself into writing this – committing myself to it.  Honestly, this is stupid, I’m teary from fear! Ugh…


This is the thing — I want to participate with other blogs, with like minded blogger-friends.  Not broadcast everything I’m doing, looking at, or reading to everyone who knows me (or my family) personally — so many of my real-life friends don’t blog or homeschool, so they don’t want to necessarily see/read the things I do.  To do it anyway was too much like standing up in the middle of a seated crowd and screaming to get attention – for me.

So – my facebook & pinterest are now “public”.  *phew*  I did it.

Actually, I can not lie – in the end I accidentally published the facebook page.  I clicked on what I thought was a ‘learn more’ link, but it published the page. — so ha! the joke’s on me.  All that and no computer melt down or large crashing sound to signal it’s published, or I did something wrong.  Now what do I do?

I have to explain about the pinterest account – for some reason when I originally tried to sign up it kept rejecting my facebook login…so I had to start a Twitter account so I could have Pinterest.  Every variation of my name I could think of was already in use, so I’m Alaskamom.  I just tried changing the username of my Pinerest, but it can only be 15 characters and my blog name is 17.  I didn’t want to re-start with new pin boards, so I am linking to my existing account.  You, my reader-friends, please, if you’re so inclined – go find me, so I can know who you are.

Next on my list…get this blog moved over to my new domain, and figure out those cute buttons I see everywhere for facebook & Pinterest.  …okay, here goes.  I’m going to hit publish…maybe.

Well, if you’re actually reading this – I finally did it! {sigh}, why are some simple things, so incredibly difficult?  Thank you for walking with me through this.

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