Here are the copy/paste of directions from Lisa-Jo:

Set your timer, clear your head, for five minutes of free writing without worrying about getting it right.

1. Write for 5 minutes flat – no editing, no over thinking, no backtracking.
2. Link back here and invite others to join in.
3. And then absolutely, no ifs, ands or buts about it, you need to visit the person who linked up before you & encourage them in their comments. Seriously. That is, like, the rule. And the fun. And the heart of this community..

Oh and Ahem, if you would take pity and turn off comment verification, it would make leaving some love on your post that much easier for folks!

OK, are you ready? Please give us your best five minutes on:

Opportunity…

[Go] Today is Friday. The first Friday of the new year.

I told a friend this morning I feel as if I’m on the edge of a precipice. I just don’t know what that precipice is. Good? Bad? I had no idea what was in store for the day. {Good thing – pretty sure I would have stayed in bed! Pulled the covers up high over my head and hoped & prayed today could be skipped.}

Today has offered a HUGE opportunity to respond rather than react. This is something I have made a conscience effort in life to do. I just rarely have experiences to put it to the test – at a time of stress – a time it would be acceptable to react.

Except I don’t believe it is okay to react.

I have the opportunity today to share a couple of big things in the works. I’m choosing to take this opportunity. I’m scared to death. For the nature of security, I won’t share all, or even a lot, of detail.

My children & I have the opportunity for an experience of a lifetime. BUT, it will take money.

Money I don’t have.

I am planning (wanted to do this a long time ago – planned to have it ready for the first) to start a new website. Another blog.* Fear has stopped me. You know the question along the lines – why would anybody read yet another blog?

I have never been a afraid to state my beliefs openly. I don’t very often openly speak, but if I do, I’m not afraid to state where I stand. This will seem random, but just go with it. I’m taking this opportunity.

Go hug your family members. If you can’t hug them. Call them.

Tell them you love them.

Be thankful they are there with you. Each one of them.

Choose to not be annoyed. It is a choice.[stop]

In the grand scheme of life, I am guessing, it is something petty. Most likely what is annoying you is not a matter of life or death. No matter how it feels. We have not been promised tomorrow. You don’t know what is in store for you or your family members – today or any day. You may not see them again.

Are you a believer? Are they? Will you see each other again on earth? Will you spend eternity together in heaven. or hell? I am confident where I and my family members will spend eternity. This is not a ‘taken for granted’ statement. I am blessed. {okay, stepping off my ‘LOVE the FAMILY God put you in’ soapbox now. BUT, seriously. Go tell them.}

*See there is a very big part of me I have never discussed here. This explanation will come later. tomorrow, I hope. But for today. I am emotionally spent. Going to hang with my family. Because they are here and I want to hear about the day in more detail.

The post Five Minute Friday: Opportunity appeared first on Flowers&Rust Co..

Here are the rules from Lisa-Jo, where I’ll be linking up:

1. Write for 5 minutes flat for pure unedited love of the written word.
2. Link back here and invite others to join in {you can grab the button code in my blog footer}
3. Go leave some comment props for the five minute artist who linked up before you {and if you love us, consider turning off word verification for the day to make it easier for folks to say howdy}

{… In order for this post to make much sense, you might want to go back and read about January 2013, but it certainly isn’t necessary.}

Afraid…

Thursday, January 31st – 10:13pm: I’m sitting down to write my 5Min Friday on the word ‘Afraid’. I was debating waiting to write tomorrow, but know my brain will write & re-write the post a bazillion times during the night – because I know this word. So, I might as well just write now – right?

::Go:: I am ashamed how quickly I can think of lots to write about being afraid. How quickly the last month floods my mind. I was thinking I’d wait until tomorrow to write.

then I received a text from mom: ‘R u still up can i call?‘

This has been a month where I have received that text too many times! And never once has it brought good news. My immediate thought is ‘ACCCCKKKK!!!! there are ONLY 2 hours left of January 2013. Can’t we just be done already?!’

I text back a simple ‘yes’.

She calls my house phone. I expected her to call the cell – the one in my hand. By the time I get to the house phone the answering machine has picked up & my breaths aren’t getting me much needed oxygen. My fingers are cold. Afraid. Fear. Overwhelming, racing heart, blood chilling fear of so many things. My brain races. It takes a couple tries to answer. She’s asking if she should call back on cell.

I’m rude and say – “you better start talking”. My brain can’t think clearly. I feel sick to my stomach. I hear myself screaming, “now what?!”

and she says, ‘I just want to keep you in the loop of the family.’

Again, a statement I’ve heard too many times this month. My heart stops. Is this about the conversation we didn’t ever go back & finish. the one from last week comes to mind. The one about the benign biopsy. My mind races to remember if we were waiting for more results. or results from a different test. Is dad sick? Is that why he didn’t answer my text earlier tonight? ::Stop::

We talk a bit. It takes a good solid 20 min for my heart rate to be ‘normal’ again.

She was in fact updating me on new developments from one of the earlier events of this year, but I seem to have lost ‘my’ responding skills. I hate being in full on attack, react mode. I really don’t like this. Fear does this. Being afraid does this. I am afraid to go to bed tonight. I know the nightmares will try to surface. But I so desperately need to go to sleep. I need to get well. My throat hurts. While incredibly devastating, the talking & processing the month has required has brought our family closer. I can choose to be thankful, I can even feel thankful without much effort, in a relatively short amount of time. Considering.

I am determined to get back to a life of responding. But it will be a new response. Not just self-determined response. But:

A response based in Him. A response based on His promises.

A response based on my thankfulness for His faithfulness.

I will choose to respond so He shines more gloriously in ALL situations.

I believe, January 2013 will take me from a life time of trained response for the purpose of being invisible, to a life-time of heart response to show Him more fully.

I hope and pray in time, this shows less fear. Less of me being afraid. Less of me. More of Him.

Despite the fear. I have peace. He is in control!

The verse & picture I put in my calendar for this month – back when I didn’t know what was in store for January 2013. I remember praying as I chose verses. Praying I would choose the verse I need to see in front of me each day:

Trust in the LORD with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding.

In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make straight your paths. Proverbs 3:5, 6

Trusting in the LORD with all my heart = January 2013, I can’t depend on my own understanding, it’s too confusing and emotionally twisted. {So emotionally overwhelming. I can’t begin to sort it all out – but in His time, I will get it sorted.}

Trusting in the LORD with all my heart = I am still unemployed, I can’t depend on my own understanding, it’s too confusing and seems so pointless. {Really, 5 months now. this is painful. ‘what am I doing wrong?’ to ‘what is wrong with me?’ invades all waking & sleeping hours. }

Trusting in the LORD with all my heart = I still have no business up and going. I can’t depend on my own understanding, it’s too confusing and I don’t have answers. {Remember, I’d planned to dive in at the first of the year. Yet, right now I’m doing well to have right-side up vs up-side down figured out – let alone running a business. Again, I wonder – ‘what am I doing wrong?’ and ‘what is wrong with me.’}

Can you see my really, skinny fine line of my trusting becoming being afraid?

I am choosing to trust Him. With my whole heart.

I can not depend on my own understanding. I don’t have any left.

I am choosing to acknowledge Him. He promises to make my path straight. {like the board handrail}

The post Five Minute Friday: Afraid appeared first on Flowers&Rust Co..

today’s word: Brave

START: As I’ve said before, I’ve had to face some things this year that have been very dark and ugly – my sin, others’ sin and living the repercussions of both. Because of someone else’s sin, someone I love dearly but now struggle to separate from a sin I have always considered the worst of the worst, because of that persons life choice – I’ve had to face down some ugly fears and untruths in my own life. Fears and untruths I believed for 30 years, I sinned by believing these things.

To heal, I needed quiet and lots of time with the Lord. I needed to step away from the noise of our online world. Even though I was reading good things, my heart was parched dry  – it was like a flash flood. Words of healing couldn’t even soak in, but as I took a break, gave myself more breathing room and it took time to let real truths soak in, I am starting to feel replenished. I couldn’t sort what was okay to say and what wasn’t; what was okay to think and feel and what wasn’t. In the meantime, in February I sent out support letters and as a result and by God’s grace and the generosity of others – my children and I are in the Philippines.

I have never been out of the country (not counting driving thru Canada or into Mexico for a few hours). I’ve never been in extreme areas of poverty. I’ve not known how other cultures live and work. I don’t know another language besides English. {I can’t even understand English when it is spoken with an accent.} I only know American dollars. I have to eat gluten free. I’m in a country that doesn’t understand gluten free – even though their natural foods are gluten free; they use lots of soy sauce.

Days before leaving I had a women say I was brave to come, by myself with my children. I don’t feel brave. I’m here because I can help my brother, his wife, and their three children. I don’t think bravery is intentional. My little understanding of ‘being brave’ is to totally give it all up to a Heavenly Father who knows. He knows what is best for us. He knows His perfect plan for my/our life. He knows what my body has rejected and how it rejects it. He knows and He cares. STOP

As a result of relaxing in Him:

• I have had 3 weeks of living with a house helper. Such an amazing thing. Something I certainly haven’t ever experienced in the States. Having consistent help keeping a clean house. Oh my! Getting to live in a clean house – and there is time in each day to sit and do nothing. What a blessing!
• Two weekends ago we piled a lot of us into a very small boat, went up river and swam for several hours, then on our way back we stopped at a bit of beach with a mini rainforest hidden in the trees. Then we watched massive amounts of bats come out of their cave for their nightly hunt.
• A week ago we went to a tribal village. {Oh my! More will come of that later. I’m still processing.}
• Last weekend I hiked thru a bit of jungle, walked in a river, and climbed a waterfall. {I’m not overly fond of being in water, and for sure am afraid of what lives in it. I’m not fond of living creatures of any kind in all these many places.} All firsts. All in the same five hours.
• All week I’ve eaten yellow and red watermelon and pineapple for breakfast.
• Today I watched my son cut a batch of coconuts from the tree in our backyard.
• Tomorrow I will see the Pacific Ocean like I’ve never seen it before. We will ‘live in’ swimsuits for the next 48 hours.

Every single one of these is something I’ve never ever dreamed I would experience. So abundantly more than I could have ever imagined or dreamed. I’m starting to feel alive again. Below is a for real treefort. I saw it with my own eyes – isn’t it amazing?!

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Interestingly enough, I have had quite the issues with posting today. First of all, when I first tried – I was locked out of my WP dashboard, something about brute force attack. I left, I didn’t want to deal with any coding anything to make anything work. Then tonight I came back & logged in effortlessly. I got all done with the post, saved, previewed & clicked somewhere & lost EVERYTHING. The post, preview & all ‘save drafts’. How annoying is that?!

So, with that whining out of the way, :-D, I’m going to try this again, but in all reality – this post has been way more than 5 minutes. I had good intentions, does that count? I’m tired and feel as if I’ve done this so many times now it seems silly…but I’m doing it anyway!

So. today’s post: Imagine

Three and a half months ago I was exhausted, drained, beyond worn out by life. I couldn’t imagine summer coming, I couldn’t look forward to it – there were too many unknowns. Since August I’d been mightly praying about the opportunity to support my brother, his wife, and their 3 children while on the mission field.

This was one of three burning prayers in my heart & mind.

In November I found out we were approved as short term missionaries from our church to be sent as support to the Philppines – we just needed to raise the rest of our support. At that point I was facing my son getting braces, Thanksgiving, Christmas, and I was unemployed.

I couldn’t imagine leaving for a trip of any kind, let alone to a foreign country. I wasn’t sure it was even responsible for me to think about. I put it off until after the holidays, then we had January 2013. The most brutal month of the last 10 years. All in one fell swoop. In February I sent out letters to let others know our desire to support my brother … in God’s goodness we knew by the end of February we had the funds to come. Even though I was still unemployed and we’d taken most of the month of February to recuperate from January, it was evident it was the right time. I got our tickets in early-mid March and we’ve now been here nearly two months.

The last several weeks have been a tangible example to me of Ephesians 3:17-21:

“so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith – that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may have strength to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth, and to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, that you may be fill with all the fullness of God. Now to him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever.”

Do you see what I see?

• I am rooted & grounded in love.
• The love of Christ surpasses knowledge.
• I can be filled with the fullness of God.
• He is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think.
• According to His power.
• All of this is for HIS GLORY

That is a lot of promises. The thing is – He doesn’t pick & choose which ones He’ll actually make good on. He meant every one of them! Just take a moment to imagine that.

That prayer mentioned up there at the beginning – He answered it far more abundantly than I could have ever imagined. Yes, He provided the funds. Yes, He made all plans come together without too much hassle. What I didn’t think to ask was for the freedom from so many fears and bondages I’ve lived within. [I so wish the ‘other’ post hadn’t disappeared. I had it worded pretty well, but it’s gone now.]

I have renewed hope. I am excited about the coming summer. I am looking forward to life again. I am hopeful for the answers to the other two HUGE  prayer requests, I feel encouraged to renew my hope and pray those prayers. I will be okay with His plan. I don’t feel desperate to know the answers to the many ‘what-ifs’ in life. I had no idea, I couldn’t imagine I’d go home a different person on so many levels. I’m excited to share these adventures with you, but we still have some to participate in. All in good time, I will share :-D.

It has all been to His glory, in His power, and for His greater purposes.

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I didn’t get to posting my |365:oneword| word yet. I’ve been too busy bringing in the new year. 😀 We typically don’t go to movie theaters – but so far this year I’ve double my attendance for the last two years! The last movie I saw in the theater was the first Hobbit in December 2012. On New Years Eve night we re-watched this movie with my parents (my parents hadn’t seen it since sitting in a theater in Manila with my brother & his family) then on New Year’s Day, we saw the 2nd one in 3D in the middle of the day. Such a fun [should-be-new-tradition] way to bring in the new year. We stopped at Walmart on the way home to get different frozen fries and we had hamburgers & french fries for dinner and put in the first Lord of the Rings movie.

The story is making so much more sense! Yes, I’ve ‘read’ the books – mom read them to us when we were kids, but I’ve finally seen enough parts it’s starting to make more sense. These books (& Narnia) aren’t the kind of book I enjoy reading, so it’s taken a while for me to get the story lines. For me, understanding is visual. So while I like a movie to place the pieces – but I’m a wuss, so I have watched a good portion of these movies with my eyes closed. <– this really makes it hard to follow a story line! 😀

Anyway, then yesterday we went again to the theater, with my mom & 3 year old niece to see Frozen (<– SO good!). Frozen is more my style of intensity :-D. I cried. more than once. Yes, it hit me in some tender spots. I identified too easily with the older sister’s concealing, ‘to not let anyone know’ and then her relief in the freedom. Which fell in line with the books I’ve been reading/studying/learning SO much from this last year. [Emily Freeman‘s Grace for the Good Girl and A Million Little Ways; Holley Gerth‘s You’re Already Amazing and You’re Made for a God-Sized Dream; and Angie Smith‘s Mended] These books have lead me to places I’ve been afraid of. Helped me sort out what I’ve been afraid of. And shown me, encouraged me to seek Him for healing in those dark corners of my heart and mind.

When thinking about my |365:oneword| I wanted a word to encompass my desire to hang onto the good in 2013 and not allow it to be overshadowed by the hard. I wanted to do oneword last year, but I hadn’t had enough time to pray, process, and think about what my oneword would be before January hit with a bang. Starting on the 3rd of January, 2013 felt a bit as if hell was reaching out, trying to get a grip on our family. I’m happy to report, it failed. I can say in November, the first of 2013 I felt I could really get a deep breath, I was overwhelmed with gratitude. So grateful for the previous months, the hardness, the learning. We had many good times in 2013 – after all, we went to the Philippines for two months! But the icky things were pretty explosively icky and tended to cast a pretty big shadow.

As we hit numerous ‘One year ago today…’ moments, I knew I was going to need a secure word to hang onto as a lifeline. A lifeline to my Christ, my Heavenly Father, my Wonderful Counselor, my Savior. The water might get a little rough, I might get a little (or a lot) wet – but I don’t need to drown. 2013 was hard and I don’t want the learning – or pain – to be wasted. I feel as if I’m desperately clinging to the truths I’ve learned, resetting my thinking and self-talk. In 2014 I want to allow this growing process to continue and I want to thrive in the process. I don’t have a real descriptive vocabulary, so I started making a list in MSWord and then using the ‘look-up’ command to see what the words really meant, not just going by what I thought they meant. Here is a partial walk through my mind:

Embrace. I want to embrace all that God is doing in my life. I don’t want to ‘go back’. It will take baby steps, but I want to enjoy the journey.

Thrive | Flourish. I want to thrive in the life God has given me and the freedom I have because of Jesus’ death & resurrection. I want Him to flourish in and through me.

Truth. Reality. Certainty. Factual. I want to only speak His Truth, to others of course – but to myself. I’m done with allowing the ‘subtle’ lies to be the louder voice in my head.

Trust. I’m pretty quick to admit I have a trust issue with people. However, I’ve never thought I had a trust issue with God. I easily say I trust Him. in everything. with everything/everyone.

Relish. I want to enjoy, delight in, savor, take pleasure in, appreciate all He has provided. I want to be a [joy full] child of God.

Hope. I hope, expect, trust, anticipate, look forward to so much; most importantly is my hope in Him. However, I found it interesting when used as a noun, hope can mean confident desire. I can’t even imagine, I’ve always felt more desperate in hope. Definitely not confident in my desires. Hope has always seemed a bit fleeting to me. I could hope, but would ‘it really happen?’

Desire. wish, want, longing, craving, yearning – gives more of the desperate feeling I was just talking about. I want to hope/desire to have a single focus – to glorify Him.

Confident. Certain, positive, convinced, secure. self-assured. Definitely could use confidence, but I know confidence at this point would be like a bandaid where stitches, or surgery, is needed. It would be false. Not coming from a right place.

In the end, I have to go with trust. Honestly, this is the scariest for me. But I’m currently reading Grace for the Good Girl by Emily Freeman and I’m pretty sure leaving the masks off is going to be hard. It’s going to take trust. It may prove to be the hardest task I’ve ever done.

To look at the synonyms [belief, hope, conviction, confidence, expectation, reliance, dependence] and definitions [to rely on somebody or something; confidently allow somebody to do something, place something in somebody’s care] of trust, I don’t have an issue with any of those ideas. for others. for circumstances. for whatever. as long as it isn’t for me. When disappointed, I’ve always chosen to say/believe it is for the best. I do believe this is still true, but just saying it doesn’t make it not hurt. I’ve recently learned it’s okay to acknowledge the grief of disappointment. Of course, we don’t want to get stuck there, but to not acknowledge the hurt isn’t healthy.

This last fall, in separate instances, from multiple people, I was told I was “hard to read/didn’t show expression”, they didn’t know what I thought about something. These things were not said unkindly or in any kind of confrontation or ‘you need to…’ type statements, they were said matter-of-fact, as a side comment. Which stopped me short. To think friends (friends I consider very dear) didn’t think they really knew me – begged me to face the question, Was it because I didn’t trust them? Which led to – If I don’t trust my closest friends, how can I trust God? Which led me to – Do I trust God? My initial thought would be: of course I trust them, especially God. But, I realized I also quickly have a qualifier to what/when I trust. I started to see it wasn’t “just others I didn’t know” I didn’t trust.

• I trust I will embrace all God is doing in my life and I can enjoy the journey.
• I trust I can thrive in the life God has given me.
• I trust His Spirit will flourish in and through me.
• I trust He will help me speak only truth.
• I trust I will relish life in a way I haven’t before.
• I trust I will learn to hope as a noun – in confident desire.
• I trust my desire will be singly focused on my Heavenly Father.
• I trust I will be confident in His plan. 

This year, these 365 days of 2014, I want to trust.

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The post One Word | Trust appeared first on Flowers&Rust Co..

I’m finding myself drawn to pictures with green (and I’m not talking dark green but springy, fresh, yellowy greens) – green dishes, green floors, green chairs, green pillows, green blankets, green curtains… quilts with springy colors & lots of green variations. Yesterday I was working on getting a Creative Memories order in & the colors of paper I was looking at all followed the springy colors – not my normal choices. My latest addiction has been reading quilt/craft blogs, so many quilters are using all these bright colors & I wonder how much my addiction is in looking at all the colors. Of course all these quilters live in states where spring has sprung & I think secretly I’m looking for a glimpse of their yard with green grass & flowers poking up. 🙂

I’m so thankful God doesn’t rate me by the color I emit. A lot of what I’m reading & studying these days has shown & reinforced to me I’m not a very colorful person – I’m the steady, boring, introverted personality (I know, this is no surprise to anyone who knows me!). But, this is the way God made me. I’m thankful the whole world isn’t like me, but I do have my place ‘cuz we can’t all be the colorful ones either, then there wouldn’t be anyone to enjoy the color. I’m learning there are some things in life I don’t have to learn to like, but I do need to learn to not let fear overcome me. I’m so glad God is patient & willing to keep working on me!

I take so much comfort in knowing … “there is nothing I can do to make Him love me more, there is nothing I can do to make Him love me less.” A song, but I don’t remember who sings it. I think it comes from a verse too, but I’m not positive. I will have to check this out, but I need to go to hold a sick kiddo who is now ready to snuggle.

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