Lord, thank You, Thank You, THANK YOU!

They experienced the first half of the storm, praying their roof would stay attached. They live in a three story concrete home. My brother’s comment just before the storm really started – when he thought he was headed to bed – was how thankful he was to have a concrete home. Then the storm hit. Then she posted when all was quiet and they were then anticipating the second half of the storm. My dad said the second half was worse than the first. I can’t imagine.

At 5:30am for them she posted how it was almost daylight and she was afraid of what they’d find. Can you imagine – the whole horrifying ordeal, in the dead of night?! After the 5:30 post, cell service was lost.

The damage and pain is immense … but God is so good!

HUGE PRAISE #2: Another NTMA pilot wife provided updates throughout the day for the rest of us. It was many, many hours before all missionaries were able to check-in from the tribes – obviously, no cell or electricity. But all of the NTM missionaries are safe – Praise the Lord!

In the end, a portion of my brothers roof was ripped off and pinned under trees in their yard. Their washing machine, stove, and a large, full, storage cabinet of supplies was ripped to shreds, all the contents were tossed & dumped around the corner of their home. She posted it took them most of the day to cut down the trees & rebar blocking the gate into their house.

This is not what any of this looks like today – and it was all much more grown up since I took this photo – it has had 3.5 more years of growing. I guess the trees had grown up so much on the empty property in-between my brother’s home and the place behind the blue gate (where we stayed when we were there), you couldn’t see that home from my brothers. Now, it’s all been ripped bare, and the carport they had attached was down on top of the vehicle under it. But they were thankful it hadn’t blown away!

HUGE PRAISE #3: The helicopter was untouched! The hangar was damaged – inside & out – but it looks as if God Himself cupped His great big hands around the heli. The picture I saw looks like a large, shredded tree landed right next to the heli (inside the hangar) – Praise the Lord! It looks as if my brother will once again have the opportunity to fly this heli in relief effort. This will make the third year in a row he has flown relief in this helicopter in the Philippines. The first time was three years ago for Typhoon Haiyan, and almost exactly a year ago for Typhoon Kopp. In 2010 he flew a different helicopter for relief in Haiti. It is SO awesome seeing him be used by God, doing what he loves to be doing.

The above photo is when we went to the coastal tribe where Haima made landfall. I know this is NOT what this space looks like today. I haven’t heard anything more than the missionaries on the coast are all alive. As expected there were roofs and homes lost there as well. I know one of the missionary homes was a concern if it would make it through the storm – I’ve not heard. Reports will come in the days ahead. But their lives were spared.

Please continue to pray for the people of northern Luzon. This is far from over, the damage is so great. the pictures so heartbreaking. I’ve seen the damage to solid buildings, my heart aches for those who didn’t have solid walls or roof over their head in the first place. There are news reports saying 100% of the homes in Tuguegarao have been damaged by Typhoon Haima.

If you want to help financially, you can do so here: http://go.ntm.org/relief-fund.

The post 31 Days | Praise! appeared first on Flowers&Rust Co..

Crazy note on the picture above – the mountains are MILES away from the water, yet they are reflected in the water as if they were right next to each other. Also, the water was only about 10″ deep…..again, the reflection is still there. Makes me think about how a “little bit” of feeling can feel just as deep at the surface as the core of us  – yet the reflection can be just as beautiful.

Today’s reflection will be real simple words with not-so-simple heart:

A child living 3,500 miles away really, Really, REALLY STINKS!!!

• I didn’t ever think I’d actually be to the point where I had a child away at College. Where did the years go?
• My son turned 19 and my daughter turned 16 just 11 days later. Where did the years go?
  • Vince started start first grade the summer after he turned seven.
  • Christine started first grade the summer after she turned six.
  • So, they are three years apart in age and two grades apart in school.
• My daughter is a Junior in High School, I only have two years left with my daughter. How is this possible?

Please, please, please hear my heart in these posts. I will apologize now for the whining tone I am sure will seep through. I miss my boy. Christine misses her brother. He is 1/3 of our family and he is not here. Our life has had a major transition over the last couple months – it is still incredibly raw.

The post 31 Days | Children appeared first on Flowers&Rust Co..

So much has happened since then: This year has been a bit of a whirlwind. Below I’ve bulleted what has happened in life since landing in the Philippines just 7 short months ago – or maybe it’s been long months. for sure they’ve been full months.

• I woke up on my 40th birthday in a foreign country. It was the first day of two wonderful months supporting and being with our family.
• We came home on June 9th. On June 8th a dear friend had a baby, another dear friend’s friend and co-worker was nearly killed in a freak jetski accident; on June 9th just hours after I landed in Alaska, yet another dear friend lost her son to murder.
• We made a room for Christine. She now has her OWN room for the first time (except the two months in the Philippines).
• Vince spent the summer working with my dad on the cabin. This means Christine and I had a TON of time. It’s been a wonderful connect with her since coming home to the States, her getting into her own space, and turning 13. Who would’ve thought?
• Vince turned 16. I can’t believe this. I don’t think my brain has accepted it yet.
• Christine turned 13. My baby is 13? how is this possible?!!!!
• A dear friend went to jail. Hard. Void. Excruciatingly painful on so many levels. No words to express, my brain is still not really grasping this.
• Making a room for Christine meant her space/corner of the world in our room was now empty. For the first time since graduating from high school, I have my own room. (not counting a few months here & there with my parents being gone and when we’ve traveled). In my own house, I have my own room?!
• So I moved my office into this corner. It’s crazy what all was in here – eventually I hope to share the process.
• Which made our living room HUGE. We love it! We can spread out and enjoy hanging out together.
• Vince is now the only one with a desk in the living room. This is the first time my office mess isn’t in the living room in… um, ever.
• Our house is now actually relatively clean *most* of the time. It is so much fun. My room/office/sewing area still needs to be finished up though.
• I refinished a dresser. Man! WHY didn’t I do that back 10 years ago when I got it & it was hideously ugly then?! Because I was intimidated by the idea and I needed it too much to risk messing it up. I’m learning to live differently. I didn’t need it, so there wasn’t risk. I let myself just go at it – not only did I love the process, I love the end product! I will eventually share it. Hopefully, sooner rather than later – why I’m speed fast forwarding to catch you up. 🙂
• I refinished/reupholstered a chair. Again, AFTER it sat ugly at my entry for two years {sigh}. I think I’m learning though. I’m slow, but thorough. I will get there – making art freely in life. If you haven’t, you should read Emily Freeman’s newest book, A million little ways. I’m so relishing that book right now. I also just recently read Jeff Goins’ book, In Between. The concept in these books fit together so well. I believe I’ve been in/still am in an in between space, but I’m learning to keep moving toward God in the process rather than freaking checking out.
• I made a kitchen table. (using the term ‘made’ very loosely) I actually really like what I have in the end. Which is good, considering we’ve lived without a table for a year now.
• Starting August 5th, Vince started to run Cross Country with one of the local high schools. Due to a new state law made effective on July 1st. Running with the team started daily practice. Whoa! Wow, that is a job in and of itself! He loved it. I loved seeing him enjoy it.
• Starting September 9th, I worked nights from 9pm-5:30pm on a temporary job. (first real employment in a year) A bit of income was nice – but, it’s been brutal to get caught up on life and get back into sleeping at night. I found out I VERY naturally stay up all night – never once had a problem with being tired….
• October 4th, job ended. Bittersweet. for obvious cash flow reasons.
• October 5th, Cross Country ended. Again, bittersweet. It was finally not going to be brutal to get him to practice each day.
• Somewhere in September we started school (at an abbreviated level). My kids are old enough to start, work on, and complete on their own. This really does happen! Amazing. All I’d hoped would play out is finally panning out after so many years of not doing things the way so many thought they should be done. This is reaffirming as a mom in a way I can’t express very well yet.
• Somewhere in there piano lessons started. Oh, to hear her play again. She was starting to teach herself songs by listening on YouTube, without ever having seen music or owning it. I had a hard time convincing her it might not be the best idea….in particular if you don’t know the person playing in the video is doing it right. She plays by ear way better than by reading notes. It is important to me she knows how to read music. She is starting to appreciate the value.
• Somewhere in there cello lessons started. Oh, how I love to hear the cello! {for Vince’s birthday gift we got tickets to PianoGuys – so very excited!} He is doing so well, learning Misty Mountains from The Hobbit {sigh}. LOVE that song. He’s even getting to play with another student now.
• Somewhere in there gymnastics started. We actually started back the end of July. She’s working so hard and doing so well.
• Somewhere in there youth group on two different nights started.
• Somewhere in there we started to plug into YoungLife & Campaigners. There went one to four nights/week depending on which week in the month. But don’t regret a moment of it. We are all involved in different areas.
• Somewhere in there we started going to a Connection Group with our church. This is as a family and is only once a month.
• I was going to start blogging again about three weeks ago. But my computer had different ideas, my first mac – the MacBook Pro I got for school four years ago had it’s first hiccup/froze/crashed/died won’t work. I believe the hard drive needs to be replaced. I actually haven’t had time/emotional energy to even think or try to do anything about it for two weeks now. I still haven’t even ordered a replacement hard drive. Thankfully, it’s my secondary computer and my stuff was all on this computer already — but I must say, I’m a bit paranoid now. This mac has already had the hard drive replaced. Anybody know good online storage options? I’d love to hear what you know and what works for macs.
• And then last week the typhoon in the Philippines. So many tears. So much pain. Mind numbing overwhelmed crazy. My brother is one of four NTMA pilots in the Philippines – the other families and some of the NTM missionary families were in areas ravaged by the storm. One of them housed over 100 people in their home during the storm. These are people I’ve spent time with (many years ago in Arizona), but they are more than just a name to us. Please again – I ask, if you are able. Give financially. I know there are lots of places to donate and in the end it is to basically help the same people – but if you don’t know who to trust. Or you want to go through a smaller organization for a more focused giving project, please visit the NTMA website and consider donating through them. I would consider it an honor if you chose to trust them because you trust me.
• Oh. and did I mention it’s a bit much, not-able-to-be-prepared-for, hard to readjust after two months in a foreign country, a missions trip? I didn’t allow enough space for this. Now I look back at my pictures to remind me we did in fact go. My heart has ached and grieved so much in the last week, if I could I’d go back in a heartbeat, especially to be able in helping do something. Even just to find the moms and sit with them. I wonder if this is normal or because I didn’t process their hardships (the ones I saw without ravaging, destructive, ruthless storms) after coming home.

My kids jumping in the sunset on one of the most northen beaches of the Philippines.

 So. ya….. It’s been a crazy, intense, great life since coming back to the United States – Alaska. I chose to be present with my kids this summer. To feel life.

I have, even when it hurt.

This heart was in the beach like this. I don’t know what the white is, the finger trace I’m envisioning was a Filipino child walking along the beach earlier in the morning before going out to go fishing? This was on a beach walk the day after Mother’s Day. The last full day in the tribe we got to go spend 3.5 days in. This was the morning after I was released from an extreme fear of water, in particular waves crashing over my head. Did I tell you? On Mother’s Day this year I played in the waves for hours, being tossed around and sucking so much salt water. and it was fun! I’ve played in the ocean waves once before, 25 years ago. I was in high school and was so very afraid. I did it anyway because I thought I should. I didn’t enjoy one moment. and I’ve had many nightmares because of the experience. I thought it would help me get over the fear of water. It didn’t. I can’t say the fear of water is gone – after all, the water there was warm. Here, it’s freezing! I still don’t know how to swim – but I relaxed and played in the water. For real played, as in enjoying it, for the first time in my life.

I have shared few pictures of the Philippines seven months ago, so now it’s time for a couple  cold, frosty Alaska pictures from this last week. After coming back we had an amazingly hot summer, then an incredibly long fall with warm weather! Until last week we hadn’t even really had frost – mom’s yellow pansies were still blooming on the deck. The sunrise is the first morning with frost.

The trees with the verse: the trees are my view from my bedroom/office window – what I watched change color and tone while waiting to hear from our family in the Philippines. While I shed many a tear. While I waited for news my brother had made it safely to Cebu and now the relief work will begin for him. The verse I’ve been clinging to.

I’ve broken this Psalm into three basic parts: what I WILL say, what my Heavenly Father WILL do, and WHY.

The post Seven months… appeared first on Flowers&Rust Co..

The four NTMA pilots in the Philippines are together now and flying for relief. To aid the people of the ravaged and destroyed areas. If you are wondering where you can help, NTMA is there already, ready to do the work. The funds are needed. They have been approached by different organizations and the Philippine government, they don’t know who they will be flying for – but they are there with open hearts and willing hands. Praying for God’s wisdom on who to help. Where He will be most glorified in this.

Please continue to pray and if you are able, give financially.

My heart is aching with all the hurt, pain, and overwhelming devastation so many people are having to survive in right now. Having been in the Philippines recently really makes the pictures I see, the stories I hear, and my imaginations so much more real.

My family is safe. They are not unaffected, but totally safe. Their area was not physically affected by Typhoon Haiyan, they are north of Manila. However, my brother Zach left yesterday to take the helicopter to Cebu to help out in flying relief. He had to land due to weather while he was still north of Manila, but this morning (for them the 14th) he was able to get back in the air and landed safely in Cebu a couple hours ago.

Back in 2010, Zach had the opportunity to fly relief in Haiti, so this isn’t totally unfamiliar to him. Even though this is completely different, I imagine he will experience many of the same emotions, feelings, experiences — BUT, then he was totally removed from the situation. He was in Arizona at the time for their last bit of training before heading to the Philippines. Jane and the kids were still in the States, with family or accessible by family, not this time. This time, he’s been living in the country for 3-4 years now. Jane and the kids are a long way from blood family, but they do have their missionary family connections near.

He’ll see more, pick up more, understand the culture more.

This time: I know more. I see more in the pictures. I understand more. I’ve been there.

Even though I wasn’t there-there. I was in the Philippines. I saw how those up north and a bit in Manila and along the road between the two lived life. I realize this is probably as different as seeing how we live in the north, compared how life is lived in the south. But, I heard their language even though I couldn’t understand it. I “understand” their hunger a teensy bit more than if I hadn’t been there. Don’t get me wrong, I can’t possibly really understand their hunger. I was never starving while there. There was pretty much always food around me, whether I could eat it or not might have been a question. But it wasn’t life or death hunger – I could have eaten it and just felt sick, not felt the effects of dying because I didn’t have food.

Let me tell you a piece of info you may not know – I for sure didn’t know this before going to the Philippines:

I love rice. Rice is yummy. Especially brown rice. Rice is typically a side dish here.

Since going gluten free, rice is my friend. my staple. my fall back.

BUT rice does not keep you full. and you have to eat A LOT at each meal to feel full, then when it’s gone – it’s gone and you are left so incredibly hungry it’s hard to think straight (maybe this is just me, but I don’t think so. My kids commented how tired they were of the cycle in just two months). I was shocked more than once by how hungry I was for every meal. {I’m one who is content to skip a meal or two, sometimes even in a row. Not there. No way, I was too hungry for each meal to think of just not eating because I didn’t feel like it.} I often wondered how could the Filipinos work so hard all day long eating so much rice – and in blazing hot sun. I never got an answer. I can come up with a whole bunch of ideas and theories in my head, but that isn’t the point. The point right now is the thousands of people who were crushed by this storm. They have no food. Not even rice.

Here in America we say we have no food in our house, but most often that isn’t true. We have stores/stockpiles of food in our homes.

We don’t like that food.

There’s nothing to eat with that food.

or maybe, we just don’t want that food.

(not mentioning the obvious difference in house construction)

From all I observed, Filippino’s do not buy in bulk. They buy enough food for each day. We buy groceries in big chunks. Meaning you can’t just walk out carrying all your groceries and ride in a space meant for a 10 year old – with others. maybe only you. or maybe six others. with their groceries too.

What happens when they can’t get food each day? My heart and mind cringe at the thought. All the mothers and fathers not able to feed their babies and children, or their aging parents. Those who were already weakened before the storm hit. They thought this was just going to be like every other typhoon that blows through this time of year. It wasn’t.

So. If you didn’t visit the NTMA site I linked to earlier – please take the time now. First you’ll see a page with a blog entry. At the bottom of the page you’ll see a ‘Give to Typhoon Haiyan relief’ link in dark red. They’ve noted on the site if there are more funds than the project goal of $100K, they will give it to reputable organization our NTMA pilots know something about. Your financial support will help save lives.

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1. Write for 5 minutes flat – no editing, no over thinking, no backtracking.
2. Link back here and invite others to join in.
3. And then absolutely, no ifs, ands or buts about it, you need to visit the person who linked up before you & encourage them in their comments. Seriously. That is, like, the rule. And the fun. And the heart of this community..

OK, are you ready? Please give us your best five minutes on:

Fly…

START:: So, fly. I know this word well this week.

As I’ve said before [a time or two :-)], both of my brothers are pilots. One a helicopter pilot in the Philippines, currently flying relief for those who lost so much in the typhoon a couple weeks ago. My younger brother is a bush pilot and is currently up the highway flying. My parents are in Texas because my dad had surgery yesterday. They fly home on Saturday, Lord willing.

There has been a lot of flying in my family lately. I just seem to be having time fly by faster than I can keep up with. I just finished a book club read, A Million Little Ways by Emily Freeman, on the {in}courage blog. What a wonderful book! I feel as if I have a new outlook on life – to focus on making living art. It may be in the form of art-type things, or just in embracing life.

I’m excited to embrace life and all the changes. Not just trying to hang on tight. I am praying lots for my family in several locations right now, but Lord willing many of us will be together next week for Thanksgiving. ::STOP

Hmmm…. a bit random, yes. But it was where my brain went in five minutes. I’ve stopped and started Five Minute Friday enough times to know this will get easier…until then, well…it’s random & choppy. Granted, my thought processes are random & choppy these days :-).

Have a blessed week before Thanksgiving! We are just one week away from Christmas music and decorations to be “legal” :-).

I’ve been listening to Christmas music in the morning (until my son protests) for the last couple weeks. I have our totes out to see what decorations we have. I purged a lot the last couple years. I have four totes: one is dishes, mugs, and kitchen towels; one is wrapping stuff; one is books & movies; the other is what is left – small nativity, lights, ornaments, and the few snowmen who made the cut; two pillows are in there somewhere too.

I’m so thankful for a warm house tonight. The wind is howling outside. We’re supposed to get rain and snow tonight/early morning. Roads & driving will be treacherous tomorrow. Our power has gone out more times than I remember tonight, I have candles lit, water in jars, and we’re ready if it goes out – as long as it isn’t for too long. At the moment it’s on and I had the chance to join FMF, so I did.

As I said, random & choppy.

[photo with the two NTMA aircraft and the NTMA R44 is not my photo. I was given permission to use it by the missionary who took it. It is the helicopter my brother flies, and the planes are what two of his friends are flying. If you want to know more, I wrote about it earlier in the week.]

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In my defense, I was a senior. they were middle school boys. enough said.

However, today, 20+ years later, it is a whole different ball game. I could not be more proud of them, their choices, the way they parent, the husbands they are. <– Let this be an encouragement to all  moms with children fighting, what seems like, endlessly. day after day. In addition, I am so appreciative of the uncles are been to my children. The father role model my children don’t get to experience first hand, but they do get to see lived out as an example. they do watch. and they are learning from my brothers, their uncles.

Here are some pictures of the extremes my brothers are living right now – none of these pictures are mine. The pictures of Zach are from a MAF missionary who flew with him this week to help get supplies unloaded and given to those in need. They are covering so much ground each day. If you are looking for a place to donate money to help those devastated by the typhoon, check out NTMA’s website for more information. As I said earlier in the week, my brother is getting to be the ‘last link’ in a long chain to get the much needed supplies to people – ongoing donations are a huge blessing. These are amazing photos! The other pictures are Matt’s, you can visit his blog to see more about his amazing life – in his own words.

My brother is the one with the helmet on unloading supplies. They pay close attention to the weight distribution in the heli, so small bags makes it much easier to pack, shift, and re-pack – and makes use of every square inch of the inside. This is how food stuff is packed for the missionaries too.

I love this picture of Zach with the bubble and the beach. You see him flying, and you see the surroundings too. Look at that amazing view (and the heartbreaking devastation)!

While he roasts and has to figure out how to keep cool while flying, Matt has to make sure he has survival gear for the cold. Can’t get much more extreme flying condidtions- I suspect the temps they were flying in this week were 100* apart, at the minimum. almost the whole time. This is assuming it was at least 80* outside for Zach at all times (a pretty safe assumption I think); I know Matt said on his blog, he was flying with the temps on the ground being -25*.

I’m assuming this is looking out of the helicopter, looking at one of the NTMA planes. That’s a WHOLE lot of water!!!

Here you see some bigger bags. It looks like Zach is getting more out of the helicopter yet (I can see his legs and body leaning in on other side), or maybe he’s preparing to take off again. If you remember, he said people weren’t sure what he was doing landing on their beach. I kind of thought he meant near, or around, their beaches. I didn’t realize he meant literally landing on white sand beaches. There are some amazing photos of their smiling faces, you can see their gratitude for the help. I’m not posting those though because they’re not my photos and you can see the faces so clearly.

Jump a few thousand miles north (5,000+), and now you see Matt’s view this week. Do you see the sun hitting the top of Denali/McKinley? Brrr! it makes me cold just looking at this photo.

This is what Matt spends his days flying in. This plane is basically a member of the family. I especially like it with its bush wheels on :-). This was actually taken 3 weeks ago. Everything is very white today. We had negative temps, rain, then snow in a matter of about 24 hours. Currently it is a balmy 23* and we have about 1.5ft of fresh, white snow. Winter has arrived.

{Also, update on dad. Surgery went well. It was NOT cancerous – praise the Lord! They are currently en route – he’s even well enough to be looking forward to his favorite coffee in the Seattle airport – to pick up their new-to-them truck and drive it home. They wont’ actually be driving for a couple days yet. A little bit of work has to be done first – but he found the wheel he needed on the way to the airport in Texas. :-)}

The post Brothers in action… appeared first on Flowers&Rust Co..

Happy Thanksgiving!

Today, I pray you are able to see, feel, and experience even just a drop of your many blessings. If you are reading this, I trust you are at the very least warm & safe. I hope you are with family and/or friends.

If you are:

• spending this day alone,
• in family a situation less than comfortable,
• without your children for whatever reason,

please know I am praying for you today. I know I am beyond blessed, but I also know my family story is not everyone’s reality. I’ve lived through less than desirable Thanksgivings: I have faced down the heartache of the possibility of not having my children on holidays; I have not had my family around; we’ve lived through the fear of my dad in the ER very sick, if I remember correctly, more than once on Thanksgiving he’s been extremely sick. Those days are not far from my mind and my heart aches for those living through those experiences today. If you are in need of comfort and thankfullness in your heart today, please know you can ALWAYS turn to Jesus. He will comfort you. He is faithful. 

If you would like to see more information from my brothers – one brother writing about the other. The two of us here at home, with our family far away…yes, we are incredibly proud. It shows :-). Matt gives you way more information than I do – he knows more of the background and logistics.

One week ago today: my dad was discharged from the hospital in Texas, the doctor was relieved my dad had a voice; one brother was in central/southern Philippines flying helicopter while the rest of his family is in northern Philippines; my other brother flying in negative temps up the road a ways. It was just my sister-in-law, our 4 kids, and me here at the home front – this week we are in only three locations – north and south Philippines, and home. We’ve had a FULL week with many blessings and we will be spending our day together.

Be blessed.

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Have you ever wanted to have a small visual of our Alaska beauty – all your own? How about 12 small pieces of visual eye-candy, one for each month of the new year?

Head on over to www.blueiceaviation.com and order your 2013 calendar, then you can have your own stunning pictures of Alaska.

While you’re at it check out the other Blue Ice Aviation merchandise – there are hoodies, tees, hats, mugs, or you can order prints; the hoodie is my personal recommendation. I have had mine for nearly 3 years and it still looks as good as new. I have worn it at least twice, more often three or four times a week, washing frequently – so, it doesn’t look good ‘cuz it’s been unworn :-D. I live in hoodies, and this is by far my favorite hoodie. and it has been for almost three years now.

***Disclaimer: I am receiving nothing for this plug, other than my God-given honor of calling the pilot & photographer my brother.***

The post 2013 Calendar appeared first on Flowers&Rust Co..

Here are the copy/paste of directions from Lisa-Jo:

Set your timer, clear your head, for five minutes of free writing without worrying about getting it right.

1. Write for 5 minutes flat – no editing, no over thinking, no backtracking.
2. Link back here and invite others to join in.
3. And then absolutely, no ifs, ands or buts about it, you need to visit the person who linked up before you & encourage them in their comments. Seriously. That is, like, the rule. And the fun. And the heart of this community..

Oh and Ahem, if you would take pity and turn off comment verification, it would make leaving some love on your post that much easier for folks!

OK, are you ready? Please give us your best five minutes on:

Opportunity…

[Go] Today is Friday. The first Friday of the new year.

I told a friend this morning I feel as if I’m on the edge of a precipice. I just don’t know what that precipice is. Good? Bad? I had no idea what was in store for the day. {Good thing – pretty sure I would have stayed in bed! Pulled the covers up high over my head and hoped & prayed today could be skipped.}

Today has offered a HUGE opportunity to respond rather than react. This is something I have made a conscience effort in life to do. I just rarely have experiences to put it to the test – at a time of stress – a time it would be acceptable to react.

Except I don’t believe it is okay to react.

I have the opportunity today to share a couple of big things in the works. I’m choosing to take this opportunity. I’m scared to death. For the nature of security, I won’t share all, or even a lot, of detail.

My children & I have the opportunity for an experience of a lifetime. BUT, it will take money.

Money I don’t have.

I am planning (wanted to do this a long time ago – planned to have it ready for the first) to start a new website. Another blog.* Fear has stopped me. You know the question along the lines – why would anybody read yet another blog?

I have never been a afraid to state my beliefs openly. I don’t very often openly speak, but if I do, I’m not afraid to state where I stand. This will seem random, but just go with it. I’m taking this opportunity.

Go hug your family members. If you can’t hug them. Call them.

Tell them you love them.

Be thankful they are there with you. Each one of them.

Choose to not be annoyed. It is a choice.[stop]

In the grand scheme of life, I am guessing, it is something petty. Most likely what is annoying you is not a matter of life or death. No matter how it feels. We have not been promised tomorrow. You don’t know what is in store for you or your family members – today or any day. You may not see them again.

Are you a believer? Are they? Will you see each other again on earth? Will you spend eternity together in heaven. or hell? I am confident where I and my family members will spend eternity. This is not a ‘taken for granted’ statement. I am blessed. {okay, stepping off my ‘LOVE the FAMILY God put you in’ soapbox now. BUT, seriously. Go tell them.}

*See there is a very big part of me I have never discussed here. This explanation will come later. tomorrow, I hope. But for today. I am emotionally spent. Going to hang with my family. Because they are here and I want to hear about the day in more detail.

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Trust me when I say, it really may seem like no big deal as you read, but what I can’t explain in words is the emotional passage each of these events brings. Separated out over time we would have learned from, and moved on – with lots of time in between. Bumps in the roap, but not earth shattering. However, we haven’t had the privilege of time between events, we’ve had a matter of days between each event. The month has been intense enough that even my mom & sister-in-law who aren’t normally bothered/shaken by life events  have had a few shaky breaths lately {they process things quickly and are able to move on – I am not blessed with this gift, I am a slow processor whether big or small}. However, I want to repeat something my sister-in-law said – something beautiful, I really don’t want to forget.

This month, our family has just had multiple opportunities to see how much the Lord is protecting our family, each one of us. We’ve seen so much tangible evidence of how much worse it could have been and wasn’t. Just think, each instance. It could have been so much worse. Each time.

Isn’t she wise?

Let me ‘re-cap’ our month of January 2013:

Thursday, January 3rd – 11pm, mom & dad returned home safely from 3 weeks in the Philippines

Friday, January 4th – we did not have to plan a funeral in the USA.

a little later the same week – there was not a funeral associated with our family in the Philippines.

Friday, January 11th – our family was notified of a certain life altering, forever-changing event that will make itself felt in every future family gathering and extended family friend gathering for the rest of our lives. The ripple effect fall out has yet to begin. There is a whole new ‘normal’ for our family, there will NEVER be the thought of the previous normal, ever being present or happening again. Ever. This also triggered 30 years of emotional baggage I had no idea was still attached to me and waiting to be unpacked. It didn’t just unpack nicely onto the bed – it exploded. All consuming explosion.

Every truth & belief I have was stripped to, “Jesus is the same yesterday, today, and forever.”

My life purpose is all for His glory. It is what I want. I am so thankful for His saving grace.

Thursday, January 17th – woke up from my first night of sleep in a week, with feeling & awareness of a new day. Honestly, from the 11-16th was a scary void. A place I’d rather not go again. I suspect the Lord is not done clearing out those suitcases, but He has graciously allowed me to put them aside though for a bit to get my footing again.

Saturday – phew! {deep breaths}. we made it through Friday. it’s been a week.

Tuesday, January 22nd – the last time I wrote. I got an email with the subject line of ‘here’s the bad news. I’ll call in a bit.’ It was dumb, but I really had to get over ‘losing’ my living room floor. Even now, it makes me teary. My floor is forever gone. My illusions of living in a cottage setting. Gone. {trying to come to grips & not just stuff emotion}

BUT – I did find a floor I can live with for a whoppin’ .68sf – once I got the underlayment and the transitional trim into the three rooms I was at a grand total of $1.30sf!

Wednesday, January 23rd – woke up to my 15 year old having the flu. {am I horrible mom to have relished that one day of peace between the siblings? please, tell me no.}

Thursday, January 24th – Vince was still sick. I’m bummed for him, however. Now I had to move all the furniture out on my own! just great. I did manage, with great help from Christine, to get the 4 bookcases, 3 desks, 4 computers & paraphernalia, TV & paraphernalia, millions of CDs & DVDs {yes, I might be exaggerating. a little}, all the books from those bookcases, and all the stuff from those desks – everything but the couch & lamp – into my bedroom by 3pm! I wasn’t sure when the contractor was coming to lay the floor. Christine went to bed early not feeling well, so I slept on my couch ‘cuz I didn’t want to get sick. By the end of the evening, I felt as if an elephant was sitting on my chest, I fell asleep thinking “I should take an allergy pill”. I didn’t get up to take one. {please note: the above picture shows 2 of the 4 bookcases, none of the desks, DVDs, CDs, or the TV or computers!}

Friday, January 25th – Vince & Christine both out for the count with the flu & I felt horrible. But we still needed to find a fire door & I needed to pick up the trim for the transition into the different rooms. By the time I got back I felt even more horrible. All I could think was seriously, all 3 of us – the flu – now?! I wasn’t convinced I had the flu, I don’t typically get sick. I just don’t feel well & usually can just sleep it off. I chalked it up to allergies, stress, tired… Friday night I slept with Christine in mom & dad’s king size bed, with a pillow width wall of blankets & pillows between us. I didn’t want to get sick :-D.

Saturday, January 26th – Christine makes a gallant effort to help me. She thought she felt better. The floor is finished up but by then neither of us has the energy to try to put anything back. Old door cut out, fire door installed. Dust from cutting flooring in my kitchen, cutting sheetrock, cutting out old door, installing new door, my ‘new’ entry all cleaned up. I give up. I think I am sick. We go to bed knowing none of us will be getting up to go to church. Vince was still sick, Christine was re-lapsing, and I was just starting.

Sunday, January 27th – don’t remember, I think we all just slept through it. Basically. I did muster enough energy to go to the store to get orange juice & kleenex. I remember thinking Vince must be a bit better – he was talking back to the TV. and laughing. I desperately wanted to get things put back where they belong, but couldn’t get up for more than a couple minutes at a time.

Monday, January 28th – again, I think we basically just slept through the day. Vince was still sick (all his talking back wore him out). Again, not able to get things put away. Each day my goal was just to get my bed cleared off, so I could sleep in my own bed. The house inspection was supposed to happen, about 1pm I found out it wasn’t going to. I laid down on the couch & didn’t get up again until I climbed into bed.

Tuesday, January 29th – we’re all still pretty miserable, but in different stages of getting well. Vince is finally better. I felt a bit twitchy. After all, it had been a week since the last ‘big news’ and we’ve all been sick, my house was still upside-down, I was still sleeping with Christine because I couldn’t get to my bed. I found out about 3:30 the house inspection wasn’t going to happen again. By 7:30pm I’m thinking about heading to bed. …but at 7:44pm I got a text from mom – my brother & sister-in-law’s house was broken into and they were robbed, while they slept! No one was hurt. The thief broke the window & screens and pulled what they could through the approx. 12″x18″ openings between the window bars.

purse. drivers license. ATM card. camera. cell phone. brother’s iPhone. house keys. car keys. all gone.

They don’t usually carry cash- but she’d just taken cash out earlier in the day.

He usually has the iPhone upstairs – it’s their alarm. She usually hangs her purse elsewhere. that night she didn’t.

These items were left on their kitchen table. inside their house. inside the locked gate. and a 6′ wall with barbed wire & broken glass on top.

The thief didn’t even bother to bring their own supplies – they cut the clothes line & used the wire to ‘fish’ the things from the table. even the iPhone. Thanks to the wonder of Skype, I got to talk to my sister-in-law yesterday – they have all new house locks (3 or 4 of them per door) and their car has all new locks and the remote start has even been changed. They feel very safe, secure, and fortunate. She said it is an eye-opener, a reminder. They let their guard down, but weren’t hurt. They are American. They are a target. Always will be. They are rich. Even if they aren’t rich, because they are American’s they have connections. That equates to richness. We take our ‘connection’s’ for granted.

So, today is the last day of January and other than emotionally, I can’t say I am any further ahead in life than I was on the 31st of December 2012.

Who are you connected to? Are you connected to a Heavenly Father who loves you beyond what you can imagine or think?

Do you remember to NOT take this connection for granted?

We have to purpose to give Him the glory.

To keep our connection with Him fresh. pliable. moldable to all He wants to teach us.

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