Interestingly enough, I have had quite the issues with posting today. First of all, when I first tried – I was locked out of my WP dashboard, something about brute force attack. I left, I didn’t want to deal with any coding anything to make anything work. Then tonight I came back & logged in effortlessly. I got all done with the post, saved, previewed & clicked somewhere & lost EVERYTHING. The post, preview & all ‘save drafts’. How annoying is that?!

So, with that whining out of the way, :-D, I’m going to try this again, but in all reality – this post has been way more than 5 minutes. I had good intentions, does that count? I’m tired and feel as if I’ve done this so many times now it seems silly…but I’m doing it anyway!

So. today’s post: Imagine

Three and a half months ago I was exhausted, drained, beyond worn out by life. I couldn’t imagine summer coming, I couldn’t look forward to it – there were too many unknowns. Since August I’d been mightly praying about the opportunity to support my brother, his wife, and their 3 children while on the mission field.

This was one of three burning prayers in my heart & mind.

In November I found out we were approved as short term missionaries from our church to be sent as support to the Philppines – we just needed to raise the rest of our support. At that point I was facing my son getting braces, Thanksgiving, Christmas, and I was unemployed.

I couldn’t imagine leaving for a trip of any kind, let alone to a foreign country. I wasn’t sure it was even responsible for me to think about. I put it off until after the holidays, then we had January 2013. The most brutal month of the last 10 years. All in one fell swoop. In February I sent out letters to let others know our desire to support my brother … in God’s goodness we knew by the end of February we had the funds to come. Even though I was still unemployed and we’d taken most of the month of February to recuperate from January, it was evident it was the right time. I got our tickets in early-mid March and we’ve now been here nearly two months.

The last several weeks have been a tangible example to me of Ephesians 3:17-21:

“so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith – that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may have strength to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth, and to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, that you may be fill with all the fullness of God. Now to him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever.”

Do you see what I see?

• I am rooted & grounded in love.
• The love of Christ surpasses knowledge.
• I can be filled with the fullness of God.
• He is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think.
• According to His power.
• All of this is for HIS GLORY

That is a lot of promises. The thing is – He doesn’t pick & choose which ones He’ll actually make good on. He meant every one of them! Just take a moment to imagine that.

That prayer mentioned up there at the beginning – He answered it far more abundantly than I could have ever imagined. Yes, He provided the funds. Yes, He made all plans come together without too much hassle. What I didn’t think to ask was for the freedom from so many fears and bondages I’ve lived within. [I so wish the ‘other’ post hadn’t disappeared. I had it worded pretty well, but it’s gone now.]

I have renewed hope. I am excited about the coming summer. I am looking forward to life again. I am hopeful for the answers to the other two HUGE  prayer requests, I feel encouraged to renew my hope and pray those prayers. I will be okay with His plan. I don’t feel desperate to know the answers to the many ‘what-ifs’ in life. I had no idea, I couldn’t imagine I’d go home a different person on so many levels. I’m excited to share these adventures with you, but we still have some to participate in. All in good time, I will share :-D.

It has all been to His glory, in His power, and for His greater purposes.

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Once again our family is going through major changes – changes I am sure will be used to God’s glory because the decisions have been covered in lots of prayer directly for several months and indirectly for years. I have had to make a decision I feel is huge. Quite honestly, next to going to court this is the hardest thing I’ve done in my life and the hardest day is yet to come. I have enrolled my children in school. This is temporary; it is just for this year until I finish my associates degree. One week from today I will take my children to school for the first time in our lives. For the first time ever I am not deciding what school supplies they need, I am not deciding what they will learn, what we will start with, how our days will “look”; they need school clothes; and we need appropriate food in the house for making packable lunches for multiple days at a time [I totally have absolutely no idea how to do this! – we have always eaten what we want at the moment and most often just heat up leftovers].

I am a home school mom at heart. I have always said I will home school as long as it is working for us, this is not an indication of home school not working for us. There just simply is not enough of me to be the best single mom, home school mom, full-time student, and part-time employee to go around. Being a home school mom is the one element that could change with the least amount of long-term consequence. I should be done with my degree in April -Lord willing we will be back to home schooling next year.

This has honestly been a heart-wrenching process on multiple levels for me. Registration day was earlier this week and filling out all the paperwork was truly a nightmare – I can’t really put my finger on why, other than wondering “why on earth do they need to know all this information about us?!” I am keeping this explanation fairly short and simplistic because I don’t have the energy to say more – emotionally, mentally, or physically without rambling. I am hoping and praying to be a better mom than I have been over the last year and for the grace of God and love of Christ to spill out of us onto others in this process.

Although I said in my last two posts I have prayed Jeremiah 29:11-13 most consistently over the last 10 years. That verse is why I have the confidence to go forward with this plan, but this is the verse I am clinging to most desperately right now. Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus. I Thessalonians 5:18

Be joyful always ~ can’t say I’ve done very well at this, especially not lately.

Pray continually ~ this to me is a no brainer, I could not function without my complete dependence on Christ. I have learned over the last 10 years that I do not function at all without an ongoing connect thru prayer, it is how I cope each and every day. I don’t make decisions well, big or small.

Give thanks in all circumstances ~ it really doesn’t say for everything, but in everything. I am working hard to remember this right now. Some days are good, I can give myself an attitude check in the morning and it lasts – lately not so much…

This is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.

This is written very simply and rather clearly. It does not say be joyful when times are good, fun, and easy; pray only when times are hard, you need extra help, or if you’re confused; and give thanks when you feel thankful; this is a suggestion from God and the best you can expect from Jesus Christ.

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