Because blogging can take a lot of time – when life gets tough it can be the first thing to be dropped.

Once a bit of time slips in between posts, it gets easier to “let it go”.

Then – it’s so overwhelming to start again.

Yet, there’s an aching miss to go along with “not blogging”.

Kind of like “If you give a moose a muffin” (Alaska’s version of “If you give a mouse a cookie”) – but it’s in reverse. While there has been nearly a year of absolute silence in this space, our family life has been far from silent.

I have missed coming to this space, but …. what is there to even say? Does it count for anything I have continued to write posts in my head – just never actually wrote or posted them? Unfortunately, no. I hope as I start writing and processing again, the memories of the last year will come back.

In a nutshell since the last post:

•  my son was a Senior in high school. (yes, he homeschooled and loved it! but, oh my – wrapping up last school year was so different. the knowing I would no longer have any say in his classes. the knowing I only have two years left of being involved in my daughter’s classes.)
• he applied to and was accepted for his one & only college of choice. (SO excited for him)
• my daughter had a truly horrific sophomore year of high school. (what is there to say? It’s excruciating to watch how awful teenage girls can be to each other. I am so proud of her for holding strong to what she believed to be true & right <- also the reason she became the “bad” person.)
• my son graduated in May. (my daughter & I are struggling with the pain. enough said for now.)
• he had the privilege to go on a mission trip with our church team. they went over to run the VBS for the kids of all of my brother & his wife’s fellow-missionaries in the Philippines.
• he was only home a total of four weeks this summer. (TOTALLY not enough time for our last “normal” summer!)
• this was a campaign summer. (which means life does not operate on any kind of healthy mental schedule. I was the campaign manager/planner/graphic design person)
• my son left August 2nd, 6:05 am; he and a buddy drove down to College. (can you say international road trip with a best friend – an epic way to start your college life! … but it also meant he left a week and a half before he had to be at school – which was a week and a half before classes started, for Cross Country.)
• the above mention campaign was our fifth election cycle, the first with three challengers (only one was really a concern, due to lack of activity from other two). oh, the ugliness of politics! dad refused to ‘play dirty’ – the other guy’s lies were believed.
• because the campaign is over, there are A LOT of changes ahead.
• my son has now been gone to college twice as long as he was home after graduation. (oh, the pain! <-BUT he now has less weeks away than he’s been gone before coming home for Christmas. not that I’m counting yet…)
• my daughter has started her Junior year of high school. yes, we are still homeschooling. she is enjoying three dance classes this year.

Anyway, here’s to “new” beginnings. A new start to getting my processing out in writing.

After a nearly year and a half break from writing, I’m excited to take the Write 31 Days challenge and to develop the habit of writing again. I’ll be linking up in the Family Life category – it’s time to write out some of “my story”. I was already thinking it was time, but I’ve been fighting it … for nearly a year and a half now … it will take a bit to get back into blogging again, but I’m taking the risky jump and saying, “Lord, I’m willing”.

The post 31 Days | Blogging appeared first on Flowers&Rust Co..

Crazy note on the picture above – the mountains are MILES away from the water, yet they are reflected in the water as if they were right next to each other. Also, the water was only about 10″ deep…..again, the reflection is still there. Makes me think about how a “little bit” of feeling can feel just as deep at the surface as the core of us  – yet the reflection can be just as beautiful.

Today’s reflection will be real simple words with not-so-simple heart:

A child living 3,500 miles away really, Really, REALLY STINKS!!!

• I didn’t ever think I’d actually be to the point where I had a child away at College. Where did the years go?
• My son turned 19 and my daughter turned 16 just 11 days later. Where did the years go?
  • Vince started start first grade the summer after he turned seven.
  • Christine started first grade the summer after she turned six.
  • So, they are three years apart in age and two grades apart in school.
• My daughter is a Junior in High School, I only have two years left with my daughter. How is this possible?

Please, please, please hear my heart in these posts. I will apologize now for the whining tone I am sure will seep through. I miss my boy. Christine misses her brother. He is 1/3 of our family and he is not here. Our life has had a major transition over the last couple months – it is still incredibly raw.

The post 31 Days | Children appeared first on Flowers&Rust Co..

Speaking of school – SCHOOL’S OUT!  YAHOO!  All of our end of the year paperwork is turned in, and approved — As homeschool mom/teacher, I am officially done too :-D!  I wonder, are there other homeschool mom’s out there who are so excited when it’s break time?  I absolutely love homeschooling, it is my choice alone, and I am not real rigid with when/how everything gets done, as long as it does get done.  But, boy does it feel good when I have my part done and turned in!  I feel as if the ever present lingering questions of “Is … done?”, “Where are we on…?”, “Have we done enough?” – are over! Yes, Yes, and Yes — It is done, where are we on–oh, we are done, and yes, we have done enough.  This year is complete!  {big, deep sigh of relief}  I now have a 9th & 7th grader…uh, wait! can we go back?  Maybe I don’t want this year to be over, let’s back up several months (or years).  I know, think anyone would notice if I just had my children repeat?  🙂

I have also determined to be a more “fun” mom, being less ‘single parenty’ mom as I can be…meaning when I take a break on the ‘have to do right now list’, I’m not blogging.  Besides that – the sun finally came out and we felt some warmth, if the sun goes behind a cloud it is still chilly air (there’s still tons of snow on the mountains), but there is the idea summer might come yet. 🙂  Yesterday we put the bike rack on the back of the van and used it for the first time.  We only put their two on to start with, so the kids rode while I walked.  But, I did buy myself a helmet afterwards….

Today, {I actually saw 70.5* on my thermometer!} we took Ali to the park – just for fun!  When we got there the park was packed, we were so bummed – we’d planned so specifically for mid-morning (after she came, before lunch & nap), before school was out for the day and before school is out for the summer….but, we forgot to take into account schools are having all their “last day” activities.  Oh, ya.  We shuffled in through the gate working to not step on any little kids.  Hoping to find a spot, Ali turned to Vince and decided there was no way she was getting down.  We were just getting ready to leave when we saw another school bus show up full of kids – but that school bus loaded up the kids (from the first group) and the second group stopped to each their lunch first. Yes!  We got to spend 30-45 min playing before it started to get crowded again.  My kids have really wanted to take Ali to a big slide – one that is slick (the one we have in our yard is not).  Here are a few pictures of our time there, I was excited to try my camera again after getting it “fixed”.

Vince went with Ali the first time, then she wanted to go on her own, so he just followed closely.   {obviously I didn’t anticipate the right lighting setting – smack in the middle at 0 wasn’t it}

At the park I realized my camera is still not acting right, I have determined it isn’t just me and my lack of knowledge though.  It doesn’t even work that great on auto!  This is so frustrating – the store I bought it from says it’s been too long, it’s not their problem.  Nikon says, “don’t use it on manual just use auto” {NOT why I bought a DSLR!!!}, besides that it doesn’t work on auto either.  The protection plan I bought says, it won’t go into effect until after the first year, until then it’s Nikon’s responsibility.  Back to Nikon I went and they walked me through doing a bunch of setting changes and again said, “Don’t use it on auto.”  He said the kit lens (18-55) isn’t meant to focus closer than one foot.  Seriously?!  With my Sony I could rest the end on my jeans and as long as it was tipped enough for light, it focused.  I keep trying to go back to using my old digital Sony, it doesn’t focus all the time – but at least it has good color and an amazing zoom.  However, it is a point-and-shoot and I really wanted to learn how to use a camera – but maybe it isn’t the time for me right now.  I want to be able to zoom in and take really close-ups, without changing lenses.  Is this possible with a DSLR?

The post This week… appeared first on Flowers&Rust Co..

The post Mother’s Day appeared first on Flowers&Rust Co..

Are you cleaning out closets but have some favorite clothes you don’t want to really get rid of? (I admit, I have piles of clothes that are just good material and pretty…for that perfect something, some day.)

Last fall while in the cleanout process of my son’s clothes I came across several t-shirts that were his favorite and he hadn’t wanted to tell me they were too small because he didn’t want me to get rid of them. When he finally decided to ‘fess up he said, “Can’t you make them into something to put on the blog?” I had to smile – he didn’t want them to go away and the most enticing thing he could think of was to associate it with the blog.

So, we came up with t-shirt pillows for his bed. He is a “nester” when he sleeps; he creates a nest of blankets and pillows every night before going to sleep :-).

All I did was sew across the bottom and the bottom of each sleeve*. Leave the neck open for stuffing. I had him use poly-fil stuffing and stuff them to the thickness he wanted; then I stitched the neck closed. *Because I had matching colors of thread for each shirt I did not turn them inside out to sew. I just did a stretch stitch at the bottom over the previous seam.

This was one of those projects that took so little time and effort (maybe two hours for all four?), yet made my boy so happy. It is several months later and he still has them on his bed :-). He often brings this project up to other people too, telling them what I did. How fun is that?! I scored as a mom!!! 🙂

The post T-shirt pillows appeared first on Flowers&Rust Co..

{Important Note} I want to make a simple statement with complex depth – I know I am incredibly blessed.Not only does my immediate family get along well and love each other incredibly; my extended family is no different.There are now 29 of us (first cousins, spouses, and children) plus our 2 sets of parents; we have an amazing family heritage that none of us take for granted.We currently live in 3 states; 6 towns/cities; and 2 countries.

(our 2011 continued…)

mid-June: We landed late Friday night the 16th, my cousin J picked us up and took us to their house. My aunt & uncle were there as well for overnight because they’d driven up from Madison, WI. Saturday morning we all (11 of us – 5 adults + 6 children) piled into two suburbans and drove to N & C’s, house 2 hours away.We spent a couple days there with all of us (18) in one house and had a blast!

A little note of explanation: I grew up with my two brothers, three boy cousins (there are two more cousins, but I didn’t grow up with them), and family friends with three boys. At the time my cousins lived just up the road from us, I have many fond memories of all our family gatherings. They were good years with many good times. Now, 25+ years later we all have children and our kids all get along very well. Eight years ago my kids and I were living in my old childhood home to help take care of my grandparents (my dad’s parents). Three weeks after we got there my grandma passed away; shortly after my grandpa started kidney dialysis three times per week. My kids and I were able to stay on and help with his adjustment of not having grandma after nearly 60 years of marriage and the effects of dialysis. At that time N & C lived across the field and we got to know each other real well; it was so much fun.It was fun to have an adult relationship with my cousin; his wife, C, and I get along real well and have similar interests.

Then we went multiple directions for the week. My aunt & uncle returned to Madison and my kids and I followed J & K back to their house, near the border of MN and WI. It was really fun to hang out with J & K and their kids. We didn’t know them as well because we hadn’t had the chance while living with Grandpa to spend time together. On Monday evening K & I, with the kids, joined J at the Science Museum in Minneapolis. WOW! We’ve never been to such a big museum – it was a ton of fun. J explained so much more to the kids and made it so much fun – Science is his thing. 🙂 The rest of the week was spent getting to know each other better, late night visits, and my first antique store visit – in general lots of just hanging out together. It was cool & rainy and so much fun to spend the time just drinking coffee, visiting, and holding baby Gregory. One day we went to walk along the river, but there was a painting class all set up along the bank and at the “mouth” of the trail we had planned to walk – because it was cold & windy we decided not to disturb them to get 6 children past, just to turn around and come back … but we got good cousin pictures by the bridge :-)!

On Friday, my kids & I headed out to Madison on our own. It was very strange, it is landscape I recognize, remember, and love – so much farm country; yet it seemed so foreign too. We drove it several times when we were living there six years ago, but this time it was just us – without Grandpa. We went to Madison to celebrate my Uncle’s retirement. It was a wonderful weekend with many friends and family. Saturday morning a family friend (my aunts best friend) invited all of us to breakfast, then she took Christine & I to the capital for a tour. I didn’t know this was an interest of Christine’s but she LOVED it!  Then we went to Hobby Lobby (my first time ever!), we had to be quick …it was so hard. There was so much that was fun, but it wouldn’t fit in my luggage to get back to Alaska! When we got back to the house, N & C had arrived with their kids. My aunt & uncle’s landlord are very good friends of theirs; they have lived side-by-side in the duplex for nearly 20 years. Anyway, the landlord’s friends had invited us (kids and our children) to use their pool on Saturday afternoon. All of the kids loved the heated pool on a beautiful, sunny day. They played hard for a couple hours. Then we all went back and started to get everything finished up for Sunday’s party. C and I ran out to get a few more groceries and other items needed for the party. We did sneak another quick trip into Hobby Lobby, then Wal-mart, and brought back dinner. Sunday after church was the retirement party, clean up, and a late evening bonfire. So many friends and family were there, some I hadn’t seen since I was in 6^th grade. Then on Monday the guys were doing some packing and loading trucks, so we girls (16 of us) went to Olbrich Gardens. It was so much fun. My aunt, cousin, Christine & I went when we visited with Grandpa once and it was fun to go back. The rest of them had gone in different groups over the last year as well. When we got back to the house it was time for lunch and then N, C, and I with all our children (7 total) piled into the two vehicles and headed north. Only two came with C & I in the car, N took the other 5 and pulled the trailer. It was fun – so much happened in such a short amount of time!

N and C live near where I spent many happy childhood years growing up in northern Wisconsin. We spent the week hanging out, they live on a lake and the kids were wet and/or fishing most of every day. Tuesday evening C & I drove an hour to Sam’s Club in Duluth, MN, just to find they had closed a half hour before we got there. We were getting the groceries needed for the upcoming 4^th of July weekend…so we did a little other shopping and headed back home knowing we’d head back up Friday morning when the guys were going to go south to get a bunch of wheat. The weekend ahead was going to be 30 of us all staying at the same house. We spent the next couple days just relaxing and enjoying hanging out, much like the week prior – just a different family of cousins. Thursday night we had a plan and all was going well – my uncle would be coming in early AM, from Madison, and the guys, all of them even the 2 year old, were going to drive south to get the wheat. By noon, C & I and the 4 girls (ages 12, 10, 9, & 7) were going to drive north to do a girl day of shopping and get the groceries we didn’t get on Tues. The other 19 family/friends would then arrive Saturday morning.

July 1^st – 6:45am Friday morning started a bit stressful and not very fun, and the day went downhill from there – with an absolutely wonderful afternoon in the middle. So, very early in the morning N realized the water pump had gone out during the night. He was able to get a hold of a family friend who has a plumbing business, he said he’d stop by on his way to another job. He actually had the part and was able to get the pump fixed and up and running. Then we all loaded up to head out, the guys to the south and the girls to the north. We girls had a blast; I have never been on a shopping trip like that before. So much fun to just go from girly place to girly place and hear our girls’ hearts being filled with love just from hangin’ with us. We even found a few good deals and some more summer clothes (we hadn’t taken cool enough clothes for mid-west summer). When we walked out of the mall it was starting to sprinkle, one of the little ones was so excited to have a new umbrella and wanted to use it….well, the rain went from little sprinkles to DUMPING about half way to the car! She got to use her umbrella and many were taking cover with her before getting to the car. Those of us not under the umbrella were soaked, thoroughly. It continued to dump, hard. We decided to not go to a restaurant for dinner, but just head to Sam’s Club, the girls were all so content they were fine with just eating at Sam’s. We got our groceries and when we were leaving Sam’s it was raining so hard C could barely see while driving down the hill out of Duluth and across the bridge. It was about 7pm and we were headed back towards the house, but first needed to stop at Wal-mart (in Superior) to get a few more items. By the time we got to town we were aware there was really unfriendly weather all around us. Icky colored sky and dumping rain with thunder & lightening. We started hearing on the news there were tornado warnings and the wind was starting to blow like crazy….We were doing lots of praying and singing along with KLOVE to keep from going totally over the edge of being freaked. We knew Who was in control of all the circumstances and we just kept reminding ourselves & each other. C was in contact with her family who were camped at a campground near her house and found out they had just been told to leave, she told them to all go to her house even though there was no power in the area. In talking to C’s brother-in-law, who was on his way to her house (instead of the campground), he had to cut his way down the highway with his chainsaw. Okay, we were freaked. However, God had everything so orchestrated — we met up with our guys at the crossroads of the two highways – us driving south, them coming north, and we all needed to drive east. We were able to pass them some snacks and then we were off; from that point on we followed them. As they drove north they saw the mass destruction from the storm, where we came from the north and it was just rain. As we followed them, we often had to drive on the opposite side of the road because only the tops of the trees had been cut and that was just to clear one side of the road. By the time we got to the house it was 10pm. (what should have been a 30-45 min drive had been nearly 2 hours) There were three trees across the driveway that C’s BIL cut to get into the driveway. We then had to unload all the groceries in the pitch black with just headlights and flashlights to see with. All the freezer/frig food was sorted so it could all be put into the frig/freezer at once. As we drove and saw the destruction we knew the power would not be back on any time soon. The next morning the guys got us a generator and the rest of our family came. We proceeded to have a wonderful weekend! We spent the 4^th of July floating down the Namekagon River (and getting majorly sunburned!).

The rest of our time was spent enjoying each other; coffee and diet coke with lime; lots of hanging out; visiting; coffee and diet coke; swimming; fishing; enjoying the pontoon boat, with coffee or diet coke (of course) depending on time of day – morning, afternoon, or evening. After all the other families returned to their homes and we got the house back into order after a weekend of no water or power, but LOTS of fellowship; C and I took the kids into Superior. Superior is where I spent seven wonderful years of childhood; it was so fun to see places that are familiar and things really haven’t changed much. It’s not a city. I got to go into my first ever quilt store with the intention of buying material. We let the kids watch a movie in the car while we went in – it was soooo much fun to see all the variety, choose some, and then actually purchase it! {That could be addicting!!!!} I’m used to going in to touch and feel, but not buy. I’ve typically purchased fabric from Jo-Ann’s and their selection of good feeling material is much smaller {sigh} Anyway, the next day we went to another town half way to J & K’s (we had to do some return kid swapping) and went into an antique store, another quilt store and then the three of us took all 11 children to see Cars2. In the end the three youngest didn’t do so well in the movie, so it was eight children and myself who watched it all then walked the couple blocks to the scrapbook store……oh, the fun of tons of kids and family and all being together. Love it! After that, we had just a week of hanging and being slow when it was time to pack and head to J & K’s again for the last couple days. J was gone on a business trip so C and her kids joined in staying at J & K’s. The last couple days was more hanging (with coffee and diet coke with lime), packing (with coffee and diet coke with lime), and visiting (with more coffee and diet coke with lime) – what we didn’t do was sleep. The last afternoon K took the kids & I to the airport – it was so hard to say goodbye. Is it not a most amazing blessing to spend a month with family and still have it hard to say goodbye – on both sides?! Thank you C and K for your amazing, generous, and kind hearts – I love you both so much!

Rest of July & August:We flew back to Alaska on the 15^th. Within 18 hours of landing (at 11pm) we had come home, unpacked, washed laundry, slept a couple hours, got up, re-packed, re-loaded the van and headed to our family cabin six hours away. It is a six hour drive, then a half hour boat ride, then a half mile hike up the hill…At that point, I slept. Two days later Vince turned 14! Two days after that Christine, my mom, and I headed back home.Vince stayed to work on the new cabin with my dad. Once home again I started some house projects and minimal organizing…as well as finishing unpacking and actually putting some stuff away.(Finally, just three days ago I finished putting away some things from our trip that I’d unpacked, set down, and never got back to!) I actually started my first house project I’ve wanted to do for several years. I will post more on this later, but the end of July I ripped out my living room carpet! My dad wasn’t (still isn’t) impressed. I love it! My living room is just the plywood sub-floor (now painted), but I love it, Love IT, LOVE IT!

September: Before I knew it, it was time to start school! Then an opportunity came up for Vince and I to join my dad on a trip to Washington DC. I was so excited! I have wanted to go to Washington DC and the East Coast for forever (seriously, since I was like 8). Many hours were spent deciding what we would do in our time there. September went really fast with all kinds of life – cleaning, school, the fair, work, some projects, and lots of DC planning.

October: We had four days of exploring and a day before and after for travel days. Did you know that it takes 10 hours to get from Anchorage to DC and that was with a fairly quick stop over in Seattle; the trip back took us 18 hours! (we had an added stop over in LA) Christine stayed with mom; she didn’t want to go with us – she didn’t want to do the massive walking we were going to be doing. It was really cool to go and be with Vince; he was amazing on the subway! There were times I got a bit freaked about how far below ground we were – and going under a river – ack! We never got lost- once we were a block off from where we thought we’d come up from underground, but yea for my iPhone – we were able to find our location in moments. We didn’t make it into as many of the Smithsonian’s as I would have tried to see; I let Vince be the ‘driver’ of where we went and what we saw. We went to the Air & Space Museum – twice :-D! We stood in line and went into the Capital, but once we were inside we decided we really wanted to wait for someday, with Christine. She loves seeing capital buildings. It was close to 70* each day, we didn’t bring cool enough clothes – it was October. I brought layers, but the lightest ones were more than we needed. We were warm and walked lots! By the time we returned from DC we were four weeks from my brother Zach and his wife and kids to come home from the Philippines. This was the magical month I got to get my new camera – a Nikon D3100! So excited and anxious to learn more!! Lots more house projects, organizing, and cleaning were started, but I also had an unexpected increase in my work load which really changed things up.

November & December: Zach, Jane, and their kids arrived on the 7^th of November. Since then it has been lots of family – all day, every day. Five adults, five children, three generations, three sets of parents, three sets of siblings, two spousal sets, and a set of cousins all living in the same main 1600sf house (my apartment and the cabin in the back yard are not included in that) makes for fun times. When my other brother, his wife, and their little one come here that adds another parental set, spousal set, and cousin set to the mix of our immediate family of 13. We have had an incredibly, abundantly more than we could imagine, family-full holiday season. In November I was able to get my new sewing machine – for 14 years I’ve used a 1942 Viking Husqvarna. I still love that machine greatly – however, I really needed more than straight front and back stitching. {I’m sure more will come on this later :-D} Within three weeks it will be just my brother Matt and his family and my kids and I here. We will be back to living in two countries and two towns in Alaska. Crazy how accessible the world is now. I remember when cheap communication was snail mail and that took at least a week to get from the lower 48 to Alaska…now we can instantly talk to family via video when they’re in the Philippines – for free.

And that wraps up 2011. None of what I have written even goes into all the personal growth I experienced this last year, or even so many things I learned. What I feel comfortable broadcasting on the internet will come out in bits and pieces as time goes by I’m sure. For now though this is a nutshell of the big events of our last year.

….notice none of this very long winded year in review covered anything basic like crafting, organizing, home school, and being a mom to two. :-D! I promise, I won’t have more posts that are this long winded. And, I will start putting in photos of projects that have happened around this house over the last year and new projects I’ve been working on — like the doll clothes I made last week. So fun! Thanks for reading – if you’ve actually read all of this you’ve learned more about me :-).

The post More states, more family…more of 2011’s many adventures appeared first on Flowers&Rust Co..

Be present is a phrase that has been going through my head quite a lot lately.  It has been a convicting thought for me. 

I am physically present.  I am physically present with my kids all day, almost every day – 98% of their life is spent with me.  However, I am not always emotionally or mentally present.  This is my conviction.  It is not good enough, right, or okay to not be emotionally or mentally present for my children.  After all, God entrusted them to my care here on earth, and as humans created in God’s image we crave relationship.  When the mental state of our home is me just being there (as in adult on duty) for too many days in a row, it starts to show in my childrens’ attitude and outlook on life.  I start to get frustrated with the kids, until I realize, once again, it is my fault.  It is my fault because by my not being emotionally or mentally available leaves them feeling left unattended, which they only know to respond to negatively.  I can’t help but compare this to myself: When I “feel” like I don’t feel God in my life, I get cranky.  {The difference, this is my fault too!}


Thankfully, it’s never Him, my Heavenly Father, who isn’t available to me; it’s the result of me not making my appointment with Him.  I have learned over the years in my single parenting walk – I don’t function without daily time with my Heavenly Father.  Some see my “dedication” and are impressed.  When someone says this to me I always feel really awkward.  Usually, this statement is in a moment of the person who is speaking not feeling good enough.  I often say, my daily time is not really is not a result of my dedication, but of my desperation.  My desperation for my Heavenly Father to carry me through each day.  I am incapable of getting through each day {some days it is each moment & hour} without leaning very heavily on He, who is present. Always, He is present.  He doesn’t ever leave us or forsake us {Deuteronomy 31:6 “Be strong and courageous.  Do not fear or be in dread of them, for it is the LORD your God who goes with you.  He will not leave you or forsake you.”}.  He promises. 

The post Be present… appeared first on Flowers&Rust Co..