Today I am Giving Thanks for: Children. Time. Childhood

Children: I am so thankful for my children. They are indeed a heritage from the Lord. As hard as being a single mom is, I’m glad I have them. Last night was just me. That doesn’t happen very often {maybe 5 or 6 times}; it was quiet. I didn’t watch a movie or even have music with words. But I’m ready to have them back today. I can’t imagine having split custody. I know my growth has happened because I am a mom and just had to keep going. No matter what I felt like.

Time: I have had lots of time with my daughter this week. Unexpectedly we had three days. at home. {sigh}  Not only did the non-moving pace do me wonders, we had time to just be. Vince had several opportunities come up, since Wednesday morning he has been here for 12 hours – 9:30pm to 9:30am on Thursday. But it’s been good. He got friend time and Christine & I had some good connect time. We needed that time after the brutal week last week – honestly, since she turned 12 it’s not been that great. The last several days felt normal – as in before she turned 12 – it was awesome! {See below for more about my thankfulness for time this week}

Childhood: I ache for children to get to have an innocent childhood. Our culture, society, is rushing them to grow up so fast. I often feel like a stick-in-the-mud for saying ‘no’ to so much of what today expects is normal. I don’t believe we need to be on the go constantly. I see so many kids who are just tired. and not able to appreciate whatever event they are because they’re focused on the next. No matter how much they forward to something, it’s all about the next event. plan. place they have to be.

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Because we got to stay home {the time I mentioned above in Giving Thanks} the last 3 days I got to sew. Christine had asked me to make her a quilt for her bed. In 20 mins she picked out all the material – over 2 months ago. She has been waiting patiently. When she picked the material I really didn’t like it. I kept thinking ‘Ick! these don’t go together’, but it was all material she really wanted. So I got it. I don’t usually start with a pattern, only an idea. So there weren’t right or wrong quantities to get of each – just is there enough or not?

It started out as being a quilt for her bed. She wanted a disappearing 9 patch. then a quilt to curl up in. then just a “big blanket to cover everything, including my toes.” {I’ve made her two other quilts – one for her crib, one for the toddler bed. neither are quite big enough}.

But I love it! She did an amazing job with colors and patterns. She just grabbed and didn’t have a favorite — it takes me f.o.r.e.v.e.r. to pick material and then I’m tired of it before I finish.

My sets of 3 strips sewn together and cut to make the 9 patch. About here I decided I didn’t like 9 patch blocks after all. {I’ve mentioned loving flowers….never noticed all the flowers around the head of my bed. 3 in frames, on the lamp, and the wood box says ‘petite fleurs’. and yes, my iron has turquoise duct tape holding the handle together :-)}

At this point, I really didn’t like 9 patches. But my points were lining up — love my new machine! Also, I thought why on earth am I going to cut these apart to make the disappearing 9 patch?!  But I did for several. Until I was sick of trying to turn them the right way – what a pain! I sewed many together wrong. I did not pick them out & re-sew, I just kept going! Have to admit I’m appreciating shedding the perfectionist in me. I get things done quicker when I let go a bit… 

When I started this not-twin size disappearing 9 patch quilt…. I made the 9 patch blocks then started cutting them apart & re-sewing together. Decided I didn’t like doing that any more. so there are 9 patch blocks in the center, outlined in a tone-on-tone print brown {from material I had here at home – good thing I had it too! Even though I don’t remember what I actually bought it for.}, then the disappearing 9 patch blocks, with more of the brown to fill in the spaces….

The finished result of all my “mistakes”…My points don’t match, I didn’t measure – which is why there are brown chunks…also noticing I goofed the left corner spacing up. uh, duh.  oh well. Personally, I think the materials are a bit too busy for the disappearing 9 patch. around the edges they are fine, but I think the whole top would have been gaggy.

For the back I used one piece of material. Of course, I didn’t measure, it wasn’t wide enough, so I added 3″ strips on both sides. I did not do a binding. I sewed inside out and flipped it. then sewed around the edges. I stitched in the ditch around the center brown piece and did blanket ties for the rest.

This is a close up of the backside flipped over to the front. The curvy is what I stitched around the outside edge after flipping it right side out. The straight stitch in the ditch is what I did around the center brown square.

So what is it? it isn’t all quilted. it isn’t all tied. there is no outer binding. does that make it a quilt or a blanket? Who knows, but it covers all of her! It is mismatched and she loves it. She is 12 and wanted a blanket to wrap up in, made by mom. She wanted it in time for the lock-in she went to last night. Score – I had it tied, folded, and in the bag 3 hours before she left. Nailed it!

I’m linking up for the first time with Studio JRU for ‘in the studio…sneak peek friday‘. The intent is to share what we’ve created during the week and encourage others who are creating too.

**I sent my camera off last night. I’m hoping they are able to fix it to be the way so many talk about their D3100’s or deem it unfixable and give me the money so I can start all over with purchasing one. I really hope this is not a camera I can’t ever trust – or do anything about.**

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Interestingly enough, I don’t need to understand God’s whole picture to function. I have pretty much always been okay with, “I don’t have to understand/like it, but I don’t have to – it’s not up to me, I am not God.” I know He is in control and that is good enough for me. {I attribute this greatly to growing up with my earthly father being very trustworthy. His plans might scare me spit-less (and he has, literally scared me spit-less), but I trust him. He is the only person on this earth I trust so fully and completely.}

So, even though I don’t need to understand God’s plan – I still see verses in nature/scenery/certain photos. When I see certain sights, or take photos of a specific view; I am usually “hearing” verses in my head. Sometimes in my voice, sometimes as a chorus of people – adult & children together. So, In July 2008 I saw a scene that TOTALLY had Jeremiah 29:11-14a all over it.

The text is how I visualize the verse; the picture to me screams these verses. I took this picture when hiking in July 2008. We were literally on the top ridge of the mountains. Both sides go a loooooong ways down, but this fog rolled in and you couldn’t see anything. I remember thinking how it looked like Jeremiah 29:11-14a then. I don’t know that I can even get out why in words. I’m going to try. with more visual text.

We are walking on the ridge. = We have a narrow path to walk. It hurts when we slip.

The fog is overwhelming. = Life can be suddenly overwhelming, with fog. Nothing really tangible, but totally clouds our view/perspective. Making everything seem off, unclear, worse than it probably is.

Either left or right works, as long as you stay on the path. = Sometimes we just need to make a decision and start walking one direction or the other. He promises to be there & guide us when we ask.

I love the comfort of knowing the specific “to-do’s” in these verses are so simple – helps me understand better the, “my burden is light & my yoke is easy” verse. What am I to-do?

Call upon Him | Go to Him | Pray to Him

He promises to listen, in addition He promises:

I will seek Him | I will find Him [WHEN I seek Him with ALL my heart]

Then He promises to be found by me.

Amazing! It really is so simple. This section of verses are verses I claimed 12-13 years ago, and have clung desperately to ever since. As a single mom with two preschool children I remember being so relieved I didn’t have to do anything complicated.

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These are the oldest digital photos I have; here Vince is 3.5 and Christine is 6 months. I loved her squishy cheeks. She was looking at my dad while he took this photo – she was deep, belly cackling as I kissed on her. {sigh, I miss those days.}

Twelve years ago I was in the middle of a set of three of the hardest nights of my life. I had the sweetest 3 year old little boy and a precious 10 week old little girl. Such babies. So dependent on mom. {me = I knew I was incapable of taking care of them. It was the beginning of a new level of depending on the Heavenly Father} I was so tired – emotionally, physically, and mentally. Spiritually, I was alive. My relationship with Christ was the only reason I functioned. With knowledge, love and support I knew it was time to request my husband either get help or move out until (he) got the help he needed. {It was appropriate for him to move out, we were living in an apartment attached to my parents’ home.} It was awful. I believed given the chance (he) would leave, without much thought {except we were “his” possessions, so there was a slight chance he would choose our family}. My parents believed there would be reconciliation. I wasn’t so sure.

Twelve years ago last night & tonight, the kids and I were at a safe house. I’d spent the day learning about domestic violence. I was blown away. I had no idea. Even now I think of it as someone else’s story. I don’t remember those days as part of my life. Our life. If it wasn’t for the fact just remembering the night has my heart racing and there are snatches of memory (that I know there aren’t photos of), I would think I was reading about someone else. Honestly, I don’t want to remember it. Often I don’t want to believe it is my story. To this day, I struggle saying the words. I have actually asked the Lord to remove the bad memories for both my son & I from those years. Blessedly, He has answered with a ‘yes’. Unfortunately, that also means I don’t remember a lot from those years.

We were separated for three years. For three years, the kids and I had no protection. Three years of knowing each time we met, he could take the kids and law enforcement could do not do anything about it. We met once a week, in a public place, for 2 hours. It was the set up he wanted. The cops were called once. The Lord watched over us and protected us mightily. Two and a half years later he filed for divorce; he’d decided to move on. He wanted custody, 50-50. {Can I just say, I feel sick writing this out.}

These photos are when they had just turned 11 & 8. I thought they were so big. Now I look at these pictures and think, oh! they were such babies.  It was just four years ago, how is this possible?! {sigh} Time just goes so fast.

It was during those years I gained the head knowledge and lots of heart knowledge practice time to get it cemented in my thick skull, “my” children are not mine; they are His, on loan to me. From Him. For a season.

I have only been entrusted with them to do my best teaching and showing them His ways, for the length of time He deems necessary. With no warranty. It really has been a freeing way to parent. A good grounding point for making decisions. And, oh, the guarantee is like no other – He promises He has a plan, a good plan, for their future. I had already claimed that verse for the three of us. It is what has gotten me through many, many situations.

Three months after I was served the divorce papers was the day of court. The day a judge would decide my future, the two most important people in my life and I would  have no control or say. It was up to the judge. The judge was used of God. I was almost incapable of walking I felt so sick. Again, the Lord watched over us and protected us mightily. Because of decisions (he) had made; the status-quo he had set up; the money he had taken when he left; and I had not pushed for my rights or extra “he owes me” anything; even though the judge did not agree with my homeschooling plans — the judge gave me sole legal and physical custody. Just that fast (I honestly have no idea a time frame) everything changed. It was now be a federal offense if (he) were to try to take them. The decision was almost unheard of, my attorney was shocked, but I know Who really provided those stipulations. Since then? we haven’t seen (him) in almost eight years, nor heard from (him) in the last six; yet, because of the custody orders, I am able to make decisions for our family – we are able to function as a sole parent family. We don’t have much in the way of finances, but we live incredibly rich lives.

We have had hard years. Nothing about being a single parent is easy. I’m not sure why this is so heavy on my heart to be posted now, this year. I hope and pray it is to help someone reading. I don’t believe I have shared this much before and know I haven’t in any other public setting. I’d say about 15-20 others know the ‘why’ of me being divorced, and other than 2 or 3 people, they were the ones who helped and supported me through the process.

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Time for Five Minute Friday over at Lisa-Jo’s, Gypsy Mama: here are the directions from Lisa-Jo herself.

Now, set your timer, clear your head, for five minutes to just write without worrying if it’s just right or not.

1. Write for 5 minutes flat – no editing, no over thinking, no backtracking.
2. Link back here and invite others to join in.
3. And then absolutely, no ifs, ands or buts about it, you need to visit the person who linked up before you & encourage them in their comments. Seriously. That is, like, the rule. And the fun. And the heart of this community..

Oh and Ahem, if you would take pity and turn off comment verification, it would make leaving some love on your post that much easier for folks!

OK, are you ready? In the spirit of welcoming the 31 Dayers to join us, won’t you please give me your best five minutes on:

Welcome:

Go…. Let me encourage those of you with single parent friends – they are still mom’s/women just like you, with the same needs, aches, and hurts. Welcome them with open arms; they probably need a hug without a request at the end. Plan things just as women – when your husband is gone at work or on a trip; if needed, help set up childcare. At the end of the evening have them check in with you, it really feels good to have someone know exactly when you get home and you’re all settled in. Have your friend call/text when they get home. It gives the single mom courage to go into a dark, empty house after an evening of forgetting a hard reality. Even now, when ending a late night with friends we check in with each other when we each get home. I don’t need it now like I did then, but it still feels good, right, comforting. …Stop

For what it is worth – My 31 Days, day 5 will explain this post more.

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