I didn’t end up sewing yesterday, but I did get misc little puttering, putting away clutter, cleaning done. Then I got to have my niece all.to.my.self! For an hour and a half. Vince went to the high school youth group retreat (gone Fri afternoon – Sun afternoon) and Christine went to a friend’s house for a few hours. it was weird. really weird. Both of my parents were gone too – it really was just totally me, by myself here at the house.

Throughout the process of the day I realized how difficult of a time I had with not really getting anything specific done. But I couldn’t really muster up the energy to care. I didn’t even realize how badly I needed the mental break from all I’ve been trying to figure out. I pretty much mentally shut down. Spent time in tears. Plus, I’ve been reading Grace for the Good Girl….ugh! she so totally describes me and I’m so guilty of thinking my doing things right is somehow better or more righteous. {sigh} I know I say it often, but it’s so true – I’m so indescribably thankful for a Heavenly Father who freely forgives and extends grace over. and over. and over again.

To prove it, my bro & sis-in-law asked if I was available to watch Ali for them to go out on a date – I jumped on the chance to have Ali all to me. I wasn’t sure how she would take it – she normally/totally interacts with Vince; and if he’s not here, it’s all Christine. I don’t usually get more than a hug when she comes & leaves. But.it.was.wonderful! She sat in my lap & we did a sticker book (Fancy Nancy, of course) for an hour!!! My love tank went from parched to feeling full. {So.so.so. Love having littles around. So, totally, and completely just what I needed.} Christine came home while Ali & I were eating dinner, she played with Christine a bit, got jammies on; then she sat in my lap for another hour while we watched (she watched, I dozed on/off) Peter Rabbit. Again, blissful for this auntie. Who was so aching for some little arms/body in my lap.

So, we’ve been going through the book of Jude at church. It has been really good – of course. Today was Jude 17-23. Here are just a few of the many notes I jotted down.

I want to remember to choose to live by this knowledge.

This morning totally went with the needed reset on my thinking – I can’t do enough to make anything with ‘my’ life in the Lord better.  He already did it all. On the cross. My God, my Heavenly Father, gave His Son, Jesus, to die (in my place, for my sins) on the cross, then raised Him up so I could have eternal salvation. I need to quit stressing about everything and enjoy the life He has given. This is what I heard for me this morning, I hope and pray it can help someone else as well.

God’s love is all the good His heart desires for me. Specific to me. It may not look the same for me as for another. We can walk away, but it’s best if we don’t. Stay where He wants us, in the safe harbor of His love. Our experiences will be different, but He’s provided the safety for us to use.

Then, a little later, as our Pastor was describing praying, he said it was a lot like riding a bike. No matter how much reading you do, you have to feel the balance to keep the bike up and going. No one can do it for you. It is a different experience for each.

Then, a little later yet – how best to keep up communication with our Heavenly Father:

1. Scripture – Spend time in the Scriptures, reading them consistently. daily.
2. Speak – preferably out loud while praying. This keeps us on task, reminds us we are praying. Otherwise our praying tends to become more wishful thinking or worrying. Neither of those are praying, communing with our Heavenly Father in Jesus’ name.
3. Time – slow down, allow the necessary time to pray. Again, pray slower. saying the words out loud.  or in a whisper. or just moving your lips. but NOT just thinking our prayers.

So, ya…pretty much hit with the 2×4 to slow down. Rest in His love for me. His provision. His protection. His plan. His will. Enjoy life. Quit worrying about getting it all right the first time. How about you? Do you struggle with the un-ending to-do list getting the better of you or your attitude? What do you find is the best way to make yourself slow down, but not lose momentum? 

Eye candy: This from June 2011, and this beautiful tree is in Steamboat, Colorado.  This is from the amazing trip we had last summer, we were at my cousin’s magazine photo shoot! AWESOME!!!  It was such an amazing day – warm. went to a Botanical Garden. kids got to be in an outdoor swimming pool [for hours] while my uncle supervised. then mom & I got to go see the ending of a for-real-life-magazine-photo-shoot in an over-the-top-amazing house. The photo was taken with my point-and-shoot Sony that is w.o.r.n out… so glad I didn’t have my ‘new’ camera (which I can soon change out!)…. 

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1. Write for 5 minutes flat – no editing, no over thinking, no backtracking.
2. Link back here and invite others to join in.
3. And then absolutely, no ifs, ands or buts about it, you need to visit the person who linked up before you & encourage them in their comments. Seriously. That is, like, the rule. And the fun. And the heart of this community..

Oh and Ahem, if you would take pity and turn off comment verification, it would make leaving some love on your post that much easier for folks!

OK, are you ready? Won’t you please give me your best five minutes on:

Today’s 5MinFriday word:

LOOK…

GO

Look – what do you see? Do you see the whole picture in front of you?

When you take a walk, do you see just the path and trees or houses along the side? OR do you see all the plants and leaves? I tend to see flowers, berries, the small things – but I’ll miss the new house being built.

Often we tell someone “I’ll look at it” – does this mean you’ll just look at it? OR do you stop read it, absorb it, think about what it means?

I find the more busy I am, the more rushed I feel, the more I get behind AND the more I look but don’t see.

I want to see. See what God has provided. What He has created.

I want to see my children. Their hearts. Them – each day. I want them to know I see them, not just look at (or past) them.

I am choosing to slow down, so I can LOOK and see that the Lord is good. It’s all there, I just have to look. Lately, I have been very guilty of looking, but not seeing. Kind of like hearing, but not listening. Just going through the motions, but not being present.

STOP

Story of the picture: This would be an example of my looking on a hike…. This purple flower is no taller than my pinkie finger is long, which is not even 2″; it was on a mountainside with a magnificent view! The bulk of my pictures from that hike? The tundra, flowers in the tundra, berries in the tundra, and the dew drops… A mountain taller than the bump you see in the picture below :-D.

Linking up with Lisa-Jo for Five Minute Friday. Come join us in writing for 5 Minutes.

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Today I am Giving Thanks for: Children. Time. Childhood

Children: I am so thankful for my children. They are indeed a heritage from the Lord. As hard as being a single mom is, I’m glad I have them. Last night was just me. That doesn’t happen very often {maybe 5 or 6 times}; it was quiet. I didn’t watch a movie or even have music with words. But I’m ready to have them back today. I can’t imagine having split custody. I know my growth has happened because I am a mom and just had to keep going. No matter what I felt like.

Time: I have had lots of time with my daughter this week. Unexpectedly we had three days. at home. {sigh}  Not only did the non-moving pace do me wonders, we had time to just be. Vince had several opportunities come up, since Wednesday morning he has been here for 12 hours – 9:30pm to 9:30am on Thursday. But it’s been good. He got friend time and Christine & I had some good connect time. We needed that time after the brutal week last week – honestly, since she turned 12 it’s not been that great. The last several days felt normal – as in before she turned 12 – it was awesome! {See below for more about my thankfulness for time this week}

Childhood: I ache for children to get to have an innocent childhood. Our culture, society, is rushing them to grow up so fast. I often feel like a stick-in-the-mud for saying ‘no’ to so much of what today expects is normal. I don’t believe we need to be on the go constantly. I see so many kids who are just tired. and not able to appreciate whatever event they are because they’re focused on the next. No matter how much they forward to something, it’s all about the next event. plan. place they have to be.

~~~ ~~~ ~~~

Because we got to stay home {the time I mentioned above in Giving Thanks} the last 3 days I got to sew. Christine had asked me to make her a quilt for her bed. In 20 mins she picked out all the material – over 2 months ago. She has been waiting patiently. When she picked the material I really didn’t like it. I kept thinking ‘Ick! these don’t go together’, but it was all material she really wanted. So I got it. I don’t usually start with a pattern, only an idea. So there weren’t right or wrong quantities to get of each – just is there enough or not?

It started out as being a quilt for her bed. She wanted a disappearing 9 patch. then a quilt to curl up in. then just a “big blanket to cover everything, including my toes.” {I’ve made her two other quilts – one for her crib, one for the toddler bed. neither are quite big enough}.

But I love it! She did an amazing job with colors and patterns. She just grabbed and didn’t have a favorite — it takes me f.o.r.e.v.e.r. to pick material and then I’m tired of it before I finish.

My sets of 3 strips sewn together and cut to make the 9 patch. About here I decided I didn’t like 9 patch blocks after all. {I’ve mentioned loving flowers….never noticed all the flowers around the head of my bed. 3 in frames, on the lamp, and the wood box says ‘petite fleurs’. and yes, my iron has turquoise duct tape holding the handle together :-)}

At this point, I really didn’t like 9 patches. But my points were lining up — love my new machine! Also, I thought why on earth am I going to cut these apart to make the disappearing 9 patch?!  But I did for several. Until I was sick of trying to turn them the right way – what a pain! I sewed many together wrong. I did not pick them out & re-sew, I just kept going! Have to admit I’m appreciating shedding the perfectionist in me. I get things done quicker when I let go a bit… 

When I started this not-twin size disappearing 9 patch quilt…. I made the 9 patch blocks then started cutting them apart & re-sewing together. Decided I didn’t like doing that any more. so there are 9 patch blocks in the center, outlined in a tone-on-tone print brown {from material I had here at home – good thing I had it too! Even though I don’t remember what I actually bought it for.}, then the disappearing 9 patch blocks, with more of the brown to fill in the spaces….

The finished result of all my “mistakes”…My points don’t match, I didn’t measure – which is why there are brown chunks…also noticing I goofed the left corner spacing up. uh, duh.  oh well. Personally, I think the materials are a bit too busy for the disappearing 9 patch. around the edges they are fine, but I think the whole top would have been gaggy.

For the back I used one piece of material. Of course, I didn’t measure, it wasn’t wide enough, so I added 3″ strips on both sides. I did not do a binding. I sewed inside out and flipped it. then sewed around the edges. I stitched in the ditch around the center brown piece and did blanket ties for the rest.

This is a close up of the backside flipped over to the front. The curvy is what I stitched around the outside edge after flipping it right side out. The straight stitch in the ditch is what I did around the center brown square.

So what is it? it isn’t all quilted. it isn’t all tied. there is no outer binding. does that make it a quilt or a blanket? Who knows, but it covers all of her! It is mismatched and she loves it. She is 12 and wanted a blanket to wrap up in, made by mom. She wanted it in time for the lock-in she went to last night. Score – I had it tied, folded, and in the bag 3 hours before she left. Nailed it!

I’m linking up for the first time with Studio JRU for ‘in the studio…sneak peek friday‘. The intent is to share what we’ve created during the week and encourage others who are creating too.

**I sent my camera off last night. I’m hoping they are able to fix it to be the way so many talk about their D3100’s or deem it unfixable and give me the money so I can start all over with purchasing one. I really hope this is not a camera I can’t ever trust – or do anything about.**

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I was planning to participate in Project Simplify with Simple Mom.  This week would have been drawers & closet….I want to cheat and just link to a recent organization of my closet, but that isn’t spring cleaning so I won’t.  And for drawers — I have two in my house.  One holds my 2 hot pads and 6 dishtowels, and the other our silverware…not much going on there.

Instead, we had a couple sledding outings, LOTS of moose in our yard, and many hours of work.  We were having Ali withdrawal’s on Wednesday, so I checked with my sister-in-law and requested her yesterday.  We love our Ali, she is such a sweetie.  My kids absolutely love having her come; I am adult on duty, but otherwise un-neccesary when she comes.  She loves to see moose, she thinks we can beckon them on command.

The following are pictures from the last week.  None of them are cleaning, organizing, or crafting.  But they are all about loving children.  Which is really what my job is.  This week I have made deliberate effort to get priorities more defined and straightened out.  It’s been a good week.

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Anyway, so we’d done the rounds looking for legos, skis, “butterfly” shirts (shirts with big floppy sleeves-I remember them as angel sleeves), and jeans, so we were walking the perimeter of the store to the checkout.  We, of course, detoured past the craft stuff (I left it all there) and into housewares – I was just glancing over the dishes to see if anything jumped out at me.  Let me take you on a short bunny trail: my mom has a thing for purses, mine is for tote bags; my mom has a thing for bowls (all sizes, and no more than 2 the same-drives me nuts!), yet mine is for plates.  Not big plates, but saucer size and salad plate size (they stack, no matter the size).  We don’t use dinner plates, except for serving.  Back to Value Village in the housewares… I see these plates, a batch of two with a rubber band.  They’re saucer size, don’t have a cup indent, and have beautiful flowers on them.  I LOVE flowers, real flowers, pretty much all of them; but when it comes to photos/items pained floral I’m picky.

Okay, I’m taking you on another bunny trail:  My dad’s mom loved flowers as much as I do.    This love of flowers has been ingrained in me since before remembering meeting my grandma (at age 7).  It is a tangible connection I have even now with my grandma.  I loved my grandma dearly, she passed away eight years ago now.  I know she is in Heaven with a new, well, healed body, but I’m selfish and I still miss her.  When I see certain batches of flowers, or a certain kind of painting, or type of tea cup/mug, maybe the way the sun shines through a window onto a batch of flowers – those memories of being a child from 7-14 years of age coming rushing over me, it is as if it were yesterday.  Those are the years our family lived in northern Wisonsin, living near my grandparents.  It is the way I remember her, so many, many years ago (20+ years).  I greatly loved my grandma and I still miss her.  

I picked them up to discover they were sitting on another batch of two with a rubber band, salad plate size – really, my two favorite sizes?  My breathe caught, they were so pretty!  And, there were two of each – one for Christine & I; or for a treat with a friend & I (just need to find teacup/mug)…depending on what the situation is at the moment.  All four plates looked unused, no scratch marks, and still very evenly shiny. (By the way, I left the two dinner plates that matched there :-D)

I decided I really wanted them, but I wouldn’t pay more than $5-7 per set – and if they were $5, then I was only going to get one size.  In other words I wasn’t going to pay more than $5 for plates I didn’t need, I just really wanted them :-D.   All the other plates I thought were interesting were $5.99/$6.99 for a single plate, I took a deep breath before checking the price, and guess what?!  The two little ones, $.99; the two bigger ones, $1.29 — that made $2.28 for all four!  That is my kind of deal!!  I was so stoked, it wasn’t even a debate in my mind.  (not even taking the four and leaving the two bigger ones)  My kids saw my face and agreed, “just get them mom”.  My mind was SCREAMING, “God, you are so funny!  Not only did you let me get ALL of them (when I don’t need them) – You gave them all to me at less than half of what I was willing to pay for one!”

My kitchen walls are dark brown/red, and the other accent/decor is khaki/burlapy/vintage mini roses/tea cups/etc.  Not dainty, more rustic.  Our other plates are an avocadoy green, dark brown/red, and off white, our bowls are off white — so it really does all go together.  Once summer comes I can take pictures in my kitchen, but until then they really don’t turn out.

I know they are just stuff, but when I see them it is the “ache/catch/thought” that causes me to take a long, slow, deep breath and just say “Thank You, Heavenly Father.  Thank You for giving me a grandma who made You her focus, taught me, and loved me so dearly.*  Thank You for all of your provisions”.  A lot of my reaction is due to the painting on these plates, they remind me of my grandma.  He IS in the little things!  I know plates are so insignificant in the grand scheme of life, yet He knew it would make me so happy.  Their coloring totally goes in my kitchen with my other colors and pottery.

{fast forward several hours} – I’ve taken my kids to see The Lorax, we’ve gone to get groceries, and now we’re home making pizza for our Friday night pizza night.  This whole time, I feel just a bit giddy, like a dork who can’t quit thinking of the good deal God gave me today.  So, I’m washing dishes and while washing the new plates, I turn it over to wash the bottom side – guess what, they’re Cheri Blum!  It shocked me –  Cheri Blum is the only artist who I’ve ever consistently seen a picture/painting and it catches my breath; I even had checks of hers once, it was the only time I ever paid full price to re-order the same checks.  I had no idea!

*I don’t in any way mean my parents didn’t, but grandma understood me.  I got my creativeness from her, she & I were very similar in many ways – physically and mentally.

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Our barn

What do you use for mixing in your kitchen?  I grew up with my mom having a Bosch.  Mom used the Bosch at least once a week; for making our family’s bread.  We didn’t buy bread, we made bread.  She would mix a batch of dough for four loaves of bread at a time.  When I was seven or eight, I could make the bread, I actually knew the recipe.  I’m sure my mom divided the dough into the four loaves, but I do remember going off while waiting for it to rise, coming back to punch it down, and letting it rise again.  I’m sure my mom was really on duty, but it was one of those things we kids were all aware of & my brothers would take turns/fight about who got to punch the bread.  {you know, those wearisome moments for mom, but they are oh so fond memories}

Grandma’s last birthday – just a month before she passed away

the cookie/soft batter beaters – I have bread kneaders & plates for shredding as well

At some point in it’s life while waiting to be given to me, the Bosch fell off the freezer.  We weren’t sure it would work, but my grandpa had it tuned up before we brought it from Wisconsin to Alaska and there was nothing wrong with it.  It is now nearly 40 years old and still runs great, it has never broken and I have used it lots for cakes, cookies, frosting – and the blender for smoothies.  My guess is this mixer will be still going strong for many, many years yet.

Where the blender attaches is under the lid on right side.

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