I don’t often succeed {at staying so well focused on Him} – but that doesn’t make it any less my desire. I am actively working to not feel as if I’m drowning in burdens. After all, each burden to me is as a dry leaf to my Heavenly Father. Little weight. Crumbles without much effort. Pretty insignificant, when there is a big pile they might look bad, but they really aren’t they will disperse quickly. Yet, even when they look like a big pile, they are really nothing. These, to me, are an incredibly comforting thoughts. Some burdens have been particularly awkward to hold up to Him. Medical, friendships, parenting {making me particularly weary}, waiting on decisions to be made {also making me particularly weary}, repercussions of other decisions {again, making me particularly weary, not all my decisions} – just to name a few. It makes a person very weary. The weariness tends to cloud my vision.

What I really want to remember is I have so many blessings. My children are with me. I live in a free country. My memories are in tact. My house is in tact. There is not water where it does not belong. There is not sand where it does not belong. My home and so many of the sights I’m familiar with were not destroyed by water, rain, and wind. I’m not having to start over right now. My mind is trying to grasp so much devastation, so many people, and in general trying to make sense of Hurricane Sandy. The pictures are mind boggling to me. I can not even imagine. I just keep reminding myself – He is in control at ALL times. None of this comes as a surprise to Him. I can do nothing physically to help anyone – yet there is one thing I can do, and it is the most powerful, I can pray.

~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~

And because today proved our FALL IS OVER:

• It never warmed up – {I did not get the shed painted, by the time it quit raining and dried out it was too cold to paint.}
• It’s been cold {as in 8*} for lots of days, it has been too cold to snow.
• The winds have returned. I’m eternally tired of wind. I’ve taken to running a fan at night {even though we are not hot} so I hear the wind less.
• Fall is OVER. There isn’t hope of it warming up to be fall’ish any more. {Reality is it’s been over for a couple weeks – I’m just finally admitting it.}
• It did warm up enough to snow this morning. The sun did not come out. The snow is here to stay. Now I just hope we gets lots more of it so it can at least be pretty out.
• I have resorted to wearing my winter jacket.
• I discovered this weekend my children do not have snow gear :-(.  As in, no snow pants, boots, or mittens. How did they grow out of everything?! They are fine for short errand trips, but this is not a good thing. We get stuck. It’s too cold to do much without the right gear – especially with the wind.
• I can not get warm.

So….rewind several years & here are a few pictures of when the kids were supposed to be raking leaves. Ya, right! They were having way too much fun :-D!

Pure pleasure. I love this smile. I love this girl – greatly. I am blessed to call her ‘my’ daughter.

{I say ‘my’ because she is a Child of God, I’ve been entrusted to raise her here on earth to look to Him for everything. It is my job as her mother.}

Well — I have several other pictures ready to go. But apparently WordPress has decided to not upload them. I’m tired of fighting it, so I’m giving up. Vince was there with her and I have such sweet pictures of them as ‘babies’…..but I guess I won’t be posting them.

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To learn more about or link up with Five Minute Friday, go to Lisa-Jo’s blog.

1. Write for 5 minutes flat – no editing, no over thinking, no backtracking.
2. Link back here and invite others to join in.
3. And then absolutely, no ifs, ands or buts about it, you need to visit the person who linked up before you & encourage them in their comments. Seriously. That is, like, the rule. And the fun. And the heart of this community..

Oh and Ahem, if you would take pity and turn off comment verification, it would make leaving some love on your post that much easier for folks!

OK, are you ready? Please give us your best five minutes on:

Roots…

Go: My first thoughts on roots are heritage. I have a rich, rich heritage. I am blessed and I know that. I am so very thankful for my roots. I immediately thought of this picture of my Grandma smelling the roses Grandpa gave her for her 81st birthday. Her birthday was on Christmas Eve. My mom’s mom was born on October 31st.

Funny how both Grandma’s had unforgettable birthdays, and had amazing artistic talent, and both Grandpa’s were pastors. My roots are in a Christian heritage as far back as anyone has ever checked. My mom’s parents were married in Paris and missionaries in Africa when my mom was born. When mom was 1 they moved back to the states because my Grandpa got sick. My mom was the youngest of three. When they came back to the states he pastored in several places. My dad’s parents pastored in the same town in northern Wisconsin for over 40 years. :Stop

These are my dad’s parents in December 2003. {I got my extreme love of flowers from Grandma.} They were the last flowers he gave her while she was alive; she passed away less than a month later. My kids and I were there to help take care of Grandma & Grandpa while mom & dad were in session. A week after getting there my Grandma had a 2nd stroke (1st was year prior, while mom & dad were in session); two weeks later she passed away. My kids and I stayed with Grandpa to help him with starting kidney dialysis and adjustment to life without Grandma. They had been married 6 months short of 60 years – 59 1/2 years! We stayed with him a total of 7 1/2 months. It was amazing, my kids were 6 1/2 and 3 1/2, I’ve never regretted a day of that time. They are still fond memories and none of us will ever forget it. If you ever have the opportunity to take care your grandparents – take it, you won’t forget it. Ever.

~~~ ~~~ ~~~

Today I am giving thanks for: Family. Heritage. Roots.

Family: I have family I miss and love. As I’ve said before – I’m glad it hurts they are gone because it means we love each other.

Heritage: I have a rich heritage of family and togetherness. I realize this is not everyone’s norm and I don’t ever want to take it for granted.

Roots: I grew up not knowing anything but a Christian family with roots very, very deep. Most of my dad’s family is still in the midwest. There are other pastors, missionaries, and Christian college staff in my family. Even with all of these roots, I know I am only saved because of the Grace of God.

{I will work on getting my mom’s parents’ wedding pictures scanned and into the computer.[I have one of my dad’s parents, but I’m saving it for a post with both] It is so cool – with the Eiffel Tower in the background! I have other cool mementos of my grandparents – but they aren’t digital. I’ll have to work on remedying this.}

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What does communion mean to you?  I am unashamedly going to tell you what it means to me and an experience from this morning I will never forget.  In 1 Corinthians 11:24 we are told to “do this in remembrance of me.” The “this” being referred to is communion, an action representing Jesus’ dying on the cross and being raised again three days later.

At our church we usually have communion the first Sunday of each month, to remember the gift of God’s salvation provided for each one of us.  The way we usually do communion is to take the elements when they are passed around, then on our own we pray and take communion when we choose – not all at the same moment. Three times a year we have what we call Christ at Center; it is a service when we have the chairs set up in a circle, in the very center is an empty cross and communion is up on tables around the cross.  When it is time for communion, we go to the center, take communion, then return to our seat.  When  we are given the elements of communion we are reminded to “eat/drink this in remembrance of Him”. It is a visual reminder Christ is to be our very center. It is special; I think I speak for most of our church family when I say we all look forward to these three special times of communion.

Despite what communion means to me, I must confess this morning I allowed my sinful heart to begrudge having to be gluten free – to the point, I debated going.  {For those who take communion and appreciate what it stands for – I have been taking just the juice as my communion for the last 15 months and I have felt left out in a way.} In “defense” of  my not wanting to go – I am tired. Only Christine & I were here. I am exhausted. Life has been insane, I really could have slept until noon — I could probably sleep ’til noon for the next week & still not feel rested.  My ears ache & my eye keeps twitching {my body’s signal of being too tired}. By the way, did I mention I am tired? 😀 …

Yes, I could have easily justified not going – however, I knew in my heart there was a much different issue at play.

Fear.  {An ugly 4 letter word I am too often paralyzed by.}

Since “going” gluten free I have taken communion once {accidentally, I forgot until the moment right AFTER swallowing} and last month I was glutened by cross-contamination {I didn’t eat it, but there must have been gluten on the edge of the cup}.  So, there was more than a little lingering fear I was fighting on top of being exhausted.  Have you ever noticed once you start to let your mind go down the slippery slope of irrationality, it’s hard to stop?  I told myself a month ago I wasn’t going to be paranoid about taking communion, yet when actually facing the day in the face I was ready to succumb to the paranoia.  I admit, there are too many days and circumstances when I have an attitude about being gluten free. This morning was one of those times. All aspects involved – tired, fear, attitude problems ….  I made myself go.  I decided we were going to go, but not take communion.  I just didn’t want to walk to the center to drink a sip of juice – sadly, my heart was not pretty.

As I drove to church, I knew I was too weary to step up & I didn’t want my ugly weakness to keep me from sharing in the joy of our resurrected Lord.  I prayed & asked God to meet me where I was. We got to church a bit earlier and went to a different section than normal {I normally get there later & that section is full}.  When I looked at the tables with communion in front of me. One of the tables with communion had ‘Gluten Free’ on it.  I nearly burst into tears.  I had no idea our church had Gluten Free communion.  I fought tears through much of worship, and I was overwhelming thankful.  I am blessed.

 God TOTALLY met me where I was – which was on my butt in the chair, trying to stuff my bad attitude. Mind over matter, right?  I was overwhelmed He showed up in such an obvious way.  I have been going to this church for nearly 20 years; I have been involved in Bible study, Sunday School, Youth Group, Women’s Ministry. Most of the staff are individuals I could consider friends, or for sure more than acquaintances.  Yet, I had NO idea. I will be earlier to church on “Christ at Center” Sunday’s. I will know I will take communion FULLY three times each year.  I am so blessed!

Total side note: these pictures are additional blessings.  My phone volume button broke & on Friday I had to get it replaced.  I thought I’d lost all 540 photos in my phone {I thought all the info was in the sim card – no that is just what makes it connect to the phone company}…but my computer settings were set right & I had actually {totally unknowingly} backed my phone up a half hour before walking out the door.  I was able to plug my phone into the computer & everything is just as it was – except now I can hear!

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For those who don’t know what I’m referring to…. The Nester is hosting 31 Days. As I mentioned in my last post, I know I can’t focus on one topic – so, it’ll be about life.  Yes, I’m cheating.

This is what I feel like life is right now. A rushing river. With LOTS of bumps.

The river {time} = rushing, rushing, rushing. Whether you are ready or not. Whether you want it to or not. Never stopping. There is nothing you can do about it, except relax and CHOOSE to enjoy the journey.

The rocks {life circumstances} = expected but not always completely seen. Sometimes looks different than it really is – depends on your angle. Always directing the flow. If you hit one hard enough, it ALWAYS hurts. If you bump one {aren’t as rigid in expectations}, it just changes your direction, flows easier, hurts less, and you enjoy the journey more.

So thankful my Heavenly Father is in control. Absolute control. At ALL times. When I choose to “let go and let God”, it’s more like being in a rubber raft and the rocks just guide me through the openings. Some parts might be scary, but it hurts less and the journey is more enjoyable.

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Yep – I played with PicMonkey.  😀  I made myself a file of screen savers & now I get to enjoy a different picture every 30 minutes. {Let me rephrase: A picture I have taken myself.  Pictures kind of like I see at beautiful Post Road Vintage — I love Heather’s pictures!}  It has been a wonderful way to keep good memories fresh, while my face is glued to the computer.  It helps me enjoy and remember all of God’s blessings.

I got to play with a couple lens’ and we collectively determined there is in fact something wrong with my lens and my camera.  My lens didn’t perform as well as the other two 18-55 VR that came on their cameras – and when I put a 55-200 it was w.o.n.d.e.r.f.u.l, but didn’t perform the same as on the owners camera.  So, at least I know now for sure.  Just have to wait out the year so the extra protection plan I purchased will kick in.  Unless, I get up the time & energy to argue with Nikon directly again.  We’ll see.

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Today, was a wonderful day.  We slept until we wanted to get up. then we stayed home. all day. with no agenda. just being together.  It’s been a couple weeks since we could do that.  It was refreshing.
To top it off, my daughter made me two of my favorite meals: mac-n-cheese, with hot dogs and peas for lunch and my favorite avo-cobb-chicken (without the hardboiled eggs, she forgot :D) salad for dinner.

Since we haven’t found a gluten free cake that tastes like “regular” cake we opted to skip that for a desert.  Instead we had what she’s named “Chocolate Delight” – it is a treat I found online {where else but Pinterest}. The original link came from Chocolate Covered Katie.  Hers are pretty and piped into the dish for eating.  I have found canned coconut milk is not the same in Alaska as it was when I was in the mid-West last summer.  It is not as thick.  So the texture of our is more pudding like — but it is oh. so. yummy!

It is made of simple ingredients – 1 can of coconut milk (refrigerated at least 7-8 hours), 1/4 cup + 1Tbsp of cocoa powder, 1/2 tsp of vanilla, sugar to taste (my daughter uses 6 spoonfuls of raw sugar).  For refrigerating the coconut milk – I take it out of the can and put it into a canning jar with a lid in the refrigerator.  Canned coconut milk is what I use in my coffee each morning.  It is now a staple at my house.

The tea cup I got with it’s saucer at an antique store with my cousin last summer.  I love it.

I have had a truly blessed year and look forward to the plans He has for this new year.  I appreciate all of you and your patience over the last couple weeks as posts have become extremely scarce.  It should be changing soon.  Have a blessed day!

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Today I skipped out on all the need/want/have-to-do’s on all my lists.  I went to visit with dear friends and meet a new baby.  It was WONDERFUL!  To top it off, the sun was bright and warm.  I of course had my “real coat” with me, but I only wore a long sleeve shirt with a down vest.  I felt so light.  I was seriously relishing how warm it was and how maybe spring would come sooner {as long as I don’t look at the __ feet of snow on the ground, in piles EVERYwhere}; after all it was so warm {I would have guessed high-30s/mid-40s}.  Then I saw a thermometer.  At that point I questioned my sanity.  It was 19*.  Yes, that is above zero and not a negative number – but seriously?!  19* is still a LONG ways from melting.

I needed a break from the computer and when I’m home I don’t see the sun in my apartment.  So, since I was out, my children were with my mom, and the sun was shining – I drove.  I didn’t do my normal start at point A, and do errands in a line and end without back-tracking.  I kind of lost the ability to care, the sun was in my eyes and it was “warm”.  In the end, I checked in with mom – all was fine at home, but she & a friend were getting to sew.  I was almost tempted to go home and sew.  In the end, I got a coffee, went to the highest parking lot in town, and parked.  I sat in my car, looking at this view, with warm sun in my face and my eyeballs were very happy.  I had planned to read some stuff I needed to get through, but instead got to catch up with a friend from out of state.  {the wonders of cell phones :-)….}

We are blessed to live in Alaska.  In spring I do wonder why I choose to be here – but look at that view!  I could have turned in pretty much any direction and the view was the same – fresh, crisp, white snow on mountains, glistening to the point of hurting your eyes.  Alaska is home, even though I have heart ties in Wisconsin where I spent several childhood years (so I have a strong all things farm pull),  I have lived most of my life here.  While I’d love to see/shop at some of the wonderful places I see posted about {antiques, fabric, home decor, etc.}; I’d really miss Alaska.  I do really wish we had spring though.  😀

Just so you know – I’m not totally a pessimist….
— Snow storm on April 26, 2008 … Alaska in April
— Snow in April, 2009 … April Fool’s or not?
— Not trusting warm in mid-March, 2010 … SPRING! (maybe, but probably not)
Uh, huh…I’m just finally learning.  Enjoy it in the moment, but don’t depend on it staying :-D.  Yes, I am thick skulled and slow to get this — but this is the last three years’ records….so, I still wish we had spring and think in the future I just need to plan to go see spring elsewhere.  I can see the flowers, smell the flower, and feel the warm sun; then come back and be content to wait until Memorial Day weekend to do my planting :-D.

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May 14, 2011

May 23^rd, I finally went to the doctor.  I went because my aunt had visited in January and my dad had come home a couple times – they both said it was obvious something was wrong.  I kept saying, “It’s just stress.  School will be done soon.  I don’t have time to deal with making an appointment and then going.”  I knew my thyroid was totally messed up too and that was going to take a few needles and months to get sorted out and on the right dosage.  So I put it off.

four months later

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Anyway, so we’d done the rounds looking for legos, skis, “butterfly” shirts (shirts with big floppy sleeves-I remember them as angel sleeves), and jeans, so we were walking the perimeter of the store to the checkout.  We, of course, detoured past the craft stuff (I left it all there) and into housewares – I was just glancing over the dishes to see if anything jumped out at me.  Let me take you on a short bunny trail: my mom has a thing for purses, mine is for tote bags; my mom has a thing for bowls (all sizes, and no more than 2 the same-drives me nuts!), yet mine is for plates.  Not big plates, but saucer size and salad plate size (they stack, no matter the size).  We don’t use dinner plates, except for serving.  Back to Value Village in the housewares… I see these plates, a batch of two with a rubber band.  They’re saucer size, don’t have a cup indent, and have beautiful flowers on them.  I LOVE flowers, real flowers, pretty much all of them; but when it comes to photos/items pained floral I’m picky.

Okay, I’m taking you on another bunny trail:  My dad’s mom loved flowers as much as I do.    This love of flowers has been ingrained in me since before remembering meeting my grandma (at age 7).  It is a tangible connection I have even now with my grandma.  I loved my grandma dearly, she passed away eight years ago now.  I know she is in Heaven with a new, well, healed body, but I’m selfish and I still miss her.  When I see certain batches of flowers, or a certain kind of painting, or type of tea cup/mug, maybe the way the sun shines through a window onto a batch of flowers – those memories of being a child from 7-14 years of age coming rushing over me, it is as if it were yesterday.  Those are the years our family lived in northern Wisonsin, living near my grandparents.  It is the way I remember her, so many, many years ago (20+ years).  I greatly loved my grandma and I still miss her.  

I picked them up to discover they were sitting on another batch of two with a rubber band, salad plate size – really, my two favorite sizes?  My breathe caught, they were so pretty!  And, there were two of each – one for Christine & I; or for a treat with a friend & I (just need to find teacup/mug)…depending on what the situation is at the moment.  All four plates looked unused, no scratch marks, and still very evenly shiny. (By the way, I left the two dinner plates that matched there :-D)

I decided I really wanted them, but I wouldn’t pay more than $5-7 per set – and if they were $5, then I was only going to get one size.  In other words I wasn’t going to pay more than $5 for plates I didn’t need, I just really wanted them :-D.   All the other plates I thought were interesting were $5.99/$6.99 for a single plate, I took a deep breath before checking the price, and guess what?!  The two little ones, $.99; the two bigger ones, $1.29 — that made $2.28 for all four!  That is my kind of deal!!  I was so stoked, it wasn’t even a debate in my mind.  (not even taking the four and leaving the two bigger ones)  My kids saw my face and agreed, “just get them mom”.  My mind was SCREAMING, “God, you are so funny!  Not only did you let me get ALL of them (when I don’t need them) – You gave them all to me at less than half of what I was willing to pay for one!”

My kitchen walls are dark brown/red, and the other accent/decor is khaki/burlapy/vintage mini roses/tea cups/etc.  Not dainty, more rustic.  Our other plates are an avocadoy green, dark brown/red, and off white, our bowls are off white — so it really does all go together.  Once summer comes I can take pictures in my kitchen, but until then they really don’t turn out.

I know they are just stuff, but when I see them it is the “ache/catch/thought” that causes me to take a long, slow, deep breath and just say “Thank You, Heavenly Father.  Thank You for giving me a grandma who made You her focus, taught me, and loved me so dearly.*  Thank You for all of your provisions”.  A lot of my reaction is due to the painting on these plates, they remind me of my grandma.  He IS in the little things!  I know plates are so insignificant in the grand scheme of life, yet He knew it would make me so happy.  Their coloring totally goes in my kitchen with my other colors and pottery.

{fast forward several hours} – I’ve taken my kids to see The Lorax, we’ve gone to get groceries, and now we’re home making pizza for our Friday night pizza night.  This whole time, I feel just a bit giddy, like a dork who can’t quit thinking of the good deal God gave me today.  So, I’m washing dishes and while washing the new plates, I turn it over to wash the bottom side – guess what, they’re Cheri Blum!  It shocked me –  Cheri Blum is the only artist who I’ve ever consistently seen a picture/painting and it catches my breath; I even had checks of hers once, it was the only time I ever paid full price to re-order the same checks.  I had no idea!

*I don’t in any way mean my parents didn’t, but grandma understood me.  I got my creativeness from her, she & I were very similar in many ways – physically and mentally.

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