hmmm… I’m finally getting here early in the week. Well, today’s post will be weird. I want to start by clarifying – I am incredibly blessed, and I want to be thankful. However, I am grieving. silly grieving. In the grand scheme of life – I’m grieving something really stupid. Especially considering how tumultuous 2013 has started out for us. I process things by compartmentalizing.
I’m not so sure compartmentalizing is a good thing; but it is how I process and organize life in my head. Everything has a place and everything belongs in it’s place. I have enough OCD tendencies to be bothered by what isn’t in place. [it really should be CDO – duh, put them alphabetically!]
Remember that snow globe I talked about? well. since then it is as if someone has shaken my snow globe mercilessly, then pulled the plug so all the water drained out. Last week I felt as if I was the snowman in the globe: all of a sudden I couldn’t breathe, everyone was looking at me [not really, just felt that way] and I needed to get my “stuff” [the snow all over, stuck to the sides, not where it belongs] put away. For several days I wasn’t sure if the globe had even been set down right-side up. I was that shaken.
All I could remember and focus on was:
Jesus is the same yesterday, today, and forever.
He is in control. All is for His glory.
He will meet me where I am. [it is not about what I can or can’t do]
Because of His grace and forgiveness, I get to spend eternity in heaven.
I couldn’t come up with references. I just knew them to be true facts and the core of my foundation. He met me where I was and didn’t expect me to get it right, let alone be perfect.
I did end up having an emotional breakthrough/breakdown with a dear group of women who prayed very graciously for my children & I – after I fell apart sobbing. Not something I appreciate doing, especially in a group. The Lord then gifted me with getting to have my two sweet nieces (2.5 & 3 mos) for a few hours that same day – I got to snuggle baby while we both slept. It was heavenly. I was exhausted as we continued the ‘normal’ routine of life. When I woke up the next morning feeling renewed & refreshed in life.
I’ve had five days of trying to get caught up on all the things I’d planned to do the first week of January. I hardly have commitments out of the house, but man you get a little bit behind and it is hard to catch up! So anyway – today. Today, I found out because of federal regulations, I have to have a ‘real’/finished floor in my living room.
Shouldn’t this be exciting?!
Instead I’m silly & grieving. Shame on me for being so whiny. But I really like my floor. I have it unfinished on purpose. My floor is a shabby painted plywood subfloor. It helps me think of my house as a cabin getaway, it is comforting to me to come home to.
Let me back up a bit, in August 2011 I ripped the carpet out of my living room. I hadn’t liked it for several years; it was 14 years old, I’d lived on it for the last 12 of those 14 years. I hadn’t liked it for about 9 of those 14 years. Got the point? I didn’t like the carpet. [I also suspected it was a large source of headaches for me. I’d been well being gone from home for 6 weeks, walked in the door and had an instant headache. It wasn’t just dislike for my carpet.] Well, there was a bit of mis-communication and I thought it was okay with my dad – as long as he didn’t get roped into bailing me out. After it was done and over, too late to go back – I found out this wasn’t the case. He was sure I would hate the plywood, I was sure I wouldn’t. I lived on the bare plywood for a while. [note: the reason my dad’s opinion matters is because, ultimately, it is his house. He really isn’t a freak. However, he does like things done right and finished all the way. He doesn’t do half jobs.]
Then I found $5 mistint paint in the perfect color & I did a horrible job painting, which just made it better! I have LOVED my living room floor. I feel as if my living room has character. Other than frustrating my dad, I have never, ever regretted ripping the carpet out. Not one teensy, weensy bit.
Yes, some would think my unfinished floor is icky.
No, it’s not perfect.
No, it’s not ‘normal’.
No it’s not polished.
No, it’s not finished.
Yes, there is a gap between the subfloor & the trim and there have been no trim pieces put in for transition into kitchen, bath, or bed room.
But, I love it just the way it is. It is reflective of me, and Jesus loves me just the way I am.
It has “character”. It makes me smile each time I come home. It feels comfy to me. If I like it then it should be fine – right? Yes, I realize it is ‘normal’ to have finished floors, in particular most these days have laminate flooring. While, I would prefer laminate over carpet, I like the uniqueness of my floor. The freedom to not have to be worried about scratching it. It seldom looks dirty, even painted as light as it is. I love the laminate in my kitchen. But I really, really like my rough, painted, plywood floor.
However, “they” say it isn’t good enough. One person marked it on a form as unfinished, another won’t let it go.
So. Today, I am grieving the fact I have to put in a normal, finished floor.
Yes. I am silly, but I’m being honest.
For some reason WordPress isn’t uploading any pictures for me right now – and I want to go to bed. So, here is a recent’ish photo of the corner of my living room with my shabby painted floor. My floor I like. My floor I have to give up.