Seven months ago today, I woke up in Manila, Philippines. That day we flew north to our family, and the next morning was my birthday. Right now as I type, I’m on the night of the 13th but the Philippines are half way through tomorrow already.

So much has happened since then: This year has been a bit of a whirlwind. Below I’ve bulleted what has happened in life since landing in the Philippines just 7 short months ago – or maybe it’s been long months. for sure they’ve been full months.

• I woke up on my 40th birthday in a foreign country. It was the first day of two wonderful months supporting and being with our family.
• We came home on June 9th. On June 8th a dear friend had a baby, another dear friend’s friend and co-worker was nearly killed in a freak jetski accident; on June 9th just hours after I landed in Alaska, yet another dear friend lost her son to murder.
• We made a room for Christine. She now has her OWN room for the first time (except the two months in the Philippines).
• Vince spent the summer working with my dad on the cabin. This means Christine and I had a TON of time. It’s been a wonderful connect with her since coming home to the States, her getting into her own space, and turning 13. Who would’ve thought?
• Vince turned 16. I can’t believe this. I don’t think my brain has accepted it yet.
• Christine turned 13. My baby is 13? how is this possible?!!!!
• A dear friend went to jail. Hard. Void. Excruciatingly painful on so many levels. No words to express, my brain is still not really grasping this.
• Making a room for Christine meant her space/corner of the world in our room was now empty. For the first time since graduating from high school, I have my own room. (not counting a few months here & there with my parents being gone and when we’ve traveled). In my own house, I have my own room?!
• So I moved my office into this corner. It’s crazy what all was in here – eventually I hope to share the process.
• Which made our living room HUGE. We love it! We can spread out and enjoy hanging out together.
• Vince is now the only one with a desk in the living room. This is the first time my office mess isn’t in the living room in… um, ever.
• Our house is now actually relatively clean *most* of the time. It is so much fun. My room/office/sewing area still needs to be finished up though.
• I refinished a dresser. Man! WHY didn’t I do that back 10 years ago when I got it & it was hideously ugly then?! Because I was intimidated by the idea and I needed it too much to risk messing it up. I’m learning to live differently. I didn’t need it, so there wasn’t risk. I let myself just go at it – not only did I love the process, I love the end product! I will eventually share it. Hopefully, sooner rather than later – why I’m speed fast forwarding to catch you up. 🙂
• I refinished/reupholstered a chair. Again, AFTER it sat ugly at my entry for two years {sigh}. I think I’m learning though. I’m slow, but thorough. I will get there – making art freely in life. If you haven’t, you should read Emily Freeman’s newest book, A million little ways. I’m so relishing that book right now. I also just recently read Jeff Goins’ book, In Between. The concept in these books fit together so well. I believe I’ve been in/still am in an in between space, but I’m learning to keep moving toward God in the process rather than freaking checking out.
• I made a kitchen table. (using the term ‘made’ very loosely) I actually really like what I have in the end. Which is good, considering we’ve lived without a table for a year now.
• Starting August 5th, Vince started to run Cross Country with one of the local high schools. Due to a new state law made effective on July 1st. Running with the team started daily practice. Whoa! Wow, that is a job in and of itself! He loved it. I loved seeing him enjoy it.
• Starting September 9th, I worked nights from 9pm-5:30pm on a temporary job. (first real employment in a year) A bit of income was nice – but, it’s been brutal to get caught up on life and get back into sleeping at night. I found out I VERY naturally stay up all night – never once had a problem with being tired….
• October 4th, job ended. Bittersweet. for obvious cash flow reasons.
• October 5th, Cross Country ended. Again, bittersweet. It was finally not going to be brutal to get him to practice each day.
• Somewhere in September we started school (at an abbreviated level). My kids are old enough to start, work on, and complete on their own. This really does happen! Amazing. All I’d hoped would play out is finally panning out after so many years of not doing things the way so many thought they should be done. This is reaffirming as a mom in a way I can’t express very well yet.
• Somewhere in there piano lessons started. Oh, to hear her play again. She was starting to teach herself songs by listening on YouTube, without ever having seen music or owning it. I had a hard time convincing her it might not be the best idea….in particular if you don’t know the person playing in the video is doing it right. She plays by ear way better than by reading notes. It is important to me she knows how to read music. She is starting to appreciate the value.
• Somewhere in there cello lessons started. Oh, how I love to hear the cello! {for Vince’s birthday gift we got tickets to PianoGuys – so very excited!} He is doing so well, learning Misty Mountains from The Hobbit {sigh}. LOVE that song. He’s even getting to play with another student now.
• Somewhere in there gymnastics started. We actually started back the end of July. She’s working so hard and doing so well.
• Somewhere in there youth group on two different nights started.
• Somewhere in there we started to plug into YoungLife & Campaigners. There went one to four nights/week depending on which week in the month. But don’t regret a moment of it. We are all involved in different areas.
• Somewhere in there we started going to a Connection Group with our church. This is as a family and is only once a month.
• I was going to start blogging again about three weeks ago. But my computer had different ideas, my first mac – the MacBook Pro I got for school four years ago had it’s first hiccup/froze/crashed/died won’t work. I believe the hard drive needs to be replaced. I actually haven’t had time/emotional energy to even think or try to do anything about it for two weeks now. I still haven’t even ordered a replacement hard drive. Thankfully, it’s my secondary computer and my stuff was all on this computer already — but I must say, I’m a bit paranoid now. This mac has already had the hard drive replaced. Anybody know good online storage options? I’d love to hear what you know and what works for macs.
• And then last week the typhoon in the Philippines. So many tears. So much pain. Mind numbing overwhelmed crazy. My brother is one of four NTMA pilots in the Philippines – the other families and some of the NTM missionary families were in areas ravaged by the storm. One of them housed over 100 people in their home during the storm. These are people I’ve spent time with (many years ago in Arizona), but they are more than just a name to us. Please again – I ask, if you are able. Give financially. I know there are lots of places to donate and in the end it is to basically help the same people – but if you don’t know who to trust. Or you want to go through a smaller organization for a more focused giving project, please visit the NTMA website and consider donating through them. I would consider it an honor if you chose to trust them because you trust me.
• Oh. and did I mention it’s a bit much, not-able-to-be-prepared-for, hard to readjust after two months in a foreign country, a missions trip? I didn’t allow enough space for this. Now I look back at my pictures to remind me we did in fact go. My heart has ached and grieved so much in the last week, if I could I’d go back in a heartbeat, especially to be able in helping do something. Even just to find the moms and sit with them. I wonder if this is normal or because I didn’t process their hardships (the ones I saw without ravaging, destructive, ruthless storms) after coming home.

My kids jumping in the sunset on one of the most northen beaches of the Philippines.

 So. ya….. It’s been a crazy, intense, great life since coming back to the United States – Alaska. I chose to be present with my kids this summer. To feel life.

I have, even when it hurt.

This heart was in the beach like this. I don’t know what the white is, the finger trace I’m envisioning was a Filipino child walking along the beach earlier in the morning before going out to go fishing? This was on a beach walk the day after Mother’s Day. The last full day in the tribe we got to go spend 3.5 days in. This was the morning after I was released from an extreme fear of water, in particular waves crashing over my head. Did I tell you? On Mother’s Day this year I played in the waves for hours, being tossed around and sucking so much salt water. and it was fun! I’ve played in the ocean waves once before, 25 years ago. I was in high school and was so very afraid. I did it anyway because I thought I should. I didn’t enjoy one moment. and I’ve had many nightmares because of the experience. I thought it would help me get over the fear of water. It didn’t. I can’t say the fear of water is gone – after all, the water there was warm. Here, it’s freezing! I still don’t know how to swim – but I relaxed and played in the water. For real played, as in enjoying it, for the first time in my life.

I have shared few pictures of the Philippines seven months ago, so now it’s time for a couple  cold, frosty Alaska pictures from this last week. After coming back we had an amazingly hot summer, then an incredibly long fall with warm weather! Until last week we hadn’t even really had frost – mom’s yellow pansies were still blooming on the deck. The sunrise is the first morning with frost.

The trees with the verse: the trees are my view from my bedroom/office window – what I watched change color and tone while waiting to hear from our family in the Philippines. While I shed many a tear. While I waited for news my brother had made it safely to Cebu and now the relief work will begin for him. The verse I’ve been clinging to.

I’ve broken this Psalm into three basic parts: what I WILL say, what my Heavenly Father WILL do, and WHY.