When we weather emotional storms in life, it can be really disorienting. It’s easy to to see the physical damage of a tangible weather storm – so it’s easy to agree it will take time to recover from the storm.
When you live in an abusive situation – parent to child, child to parent, spouse to spouse, sibling to sibling, etc. – there is an emotional storm brewing with each family gathering.
Whether or not anyone else knows or not is irrelevant, the storm still brews. Will the storm always lash? Nope, just as weather forecasts show what is coming, but they aren’t always correct in what actually hits – you simply have to be prepared. People expect those who live in areas regularly affected by these storms to plan accordingly. Evacuate when needed. A lot of times forecasted storms blow over with no problems. Similarly, when there is physical abuse, there may be physical evidence – but when there is emotional and/or verbal abuse, there is “only” mental and emotional damage.
Just because you can’t see mental & emotional damage does not mean it is not damaging.
Reconciliation does not mean “ignore” the behavior and continue on – just like you wouldn’t ignore weather storms and act like everything is fine. We were separated for three years before he filed for divorce. During those three years, I had to work hard at learning how/what boundaries were proper and needed to be set in place. For many years, I believed reconciliation meant, if he wanted to be back in our lives on a daily basis I had to agree. This was not true. This isn’t even reconciliation, notice the definition says “two people or two different ideas” – NOT one person with one idea. There isn’t a convincing needing to happen either.
However, our God does want us to live a life of restoration.
… I will heal my people and will let them enjoy abundant peace and security. Jeremiah 33:6
He says: He will heal me. He will heal you. He wants to heal us.
He will allow me to enjoy abundant peace. He will allow you to enjoy abundant peace. He wants us to enjoy abundant peace.
He will allow me to enjoy abundant security. He will allow you to enjoy abundant security. He wants us to enjoy abundant security.
Look at the definition of restoration.
- the act or process of returning something to its original condition by repairing it, cleaning it, etc.
- the act of bringing back something that existed befroe
- the act of returning something that was stolen or taken
Not one of those statements implies having to live in fear or regret of the past – original condition, existed before, returning what was stolen or taken – these sound like healing to me. From this perspective, I can easily:
Give thanks to the Lord Almighty, for the Lord is good;
His love endures forever. Jeremiah 33:11
Just as, from this perspective I can lean on Him to strengthen my children – children He loves even more than I possibly can – to live a life of restoration as well. I believe it is important as a parent to teach our children how to heal well. Whether you are a dual-parent home or a single-parent home, at some point your children will be hurt. This is a life skill they can’t live without.
Be restored in your Heavenly Father.
Please, if you or someone you know needs help, contact Focus on the Family. When you’ve been hurt and it’s time to heal, it’s too easy to be further swayed. Make sure the help you get is actually going to help, aligning Biblically with what is in Scripture. Each situation is unique.
