I like to learn about personalities. God made each of us different. I like to know why we react/respond the way we each do, what makes us tick. I tend to get caught up in how I should be, what I should do to change, how it “would be better, if I just…”. Again, this is a downfall of my personality. To look for and work towards making things better, just right. Anyway, while praying this morning I prayed about this. Asking God to help me not be a control freak, to be more tolerant and more forgiving. I tend to have a problem with where the balance line is too. There is also the problem of not stepping up to do anything (for the purpose of being perceived as not controlling); being tolerant to a fault (letting things go too far down a wrong path, in the name of tolerance); and I don’t know, is it possible to be too forgiving?….so, where does this leave me? I’m not sure, but a new thing for me is that I’m blogging this before having it figured out. That counts for something, right? 🙂

In checking out blogs this morning I came across this post, Just As You Are, by Holley Gerth on (in)courage. Wow! How timely. She talks about being chosen for our imperfections by our Heavenly Father. She asked two very pointed questions:

• “What would you change about yourself if you could?” {That’s easy – less controlling, more tolerant, more forgiving.} Besides those, I can come with a list (made up of personality and physical changes) really quick!
• “What if that’s the very thing God wants to use?” {oh.} Maybe I should re-think that ready-made list in my mind, that came to mind so very quickly. After all, He made me to be the way I am for a reason. Then I started thinking about all things I’ve read that prove He made me just the way He meant to. He didn’t make a mistake. He knew what my struggles would be. My wanting to change [me] is me telling God I don’t like the way He made me. Ouch!

Okay, so now that I know I should work on these areas – how can I change how I see these negative qualities to be more positive? So, I can see the good of them, but not justify poor actions: (yes, I realize I’m exhibiting control for the purpose of listing and seeing “my plan”, but I don’t think this is all bad.)

Controlling – I like a plan, preferably written down, with times, if possible. I am learning to let go of the plan, be a bit more flexible, when I have to move to plan B, C, ….{G anyone}? It is okay for a change of plans to happen. It is good to embrace a change of plans at times. Heavenly Father, please give me your strength to embrace change.

Intolerant – this can be good. As a single parent, it has helped me not be a permissive or coercive parent. According to the personality test, this is a good thing. It helps me remain stable, dependable, consistent – my children know what to expect from me. I am an authoritative parent. When I am disobeyed it doesn’t get brushed under the rug, or ignored; they don’t get yelled at, but we discuss why and if there needs to be a consequence. Even if something can’t be dealt with immediately, it is acknowledged at the moment and when the timing is appropriate we return to the issue. Heavenly Father, please give me wisdom and clarity in what to tolerate and what to not relax my standards in.

Unforgiving – I really don’t want to be unforgiving, ever. I have to work on forgiving myself though. If I work to relax my high standards and unrealistic expectations, this will become less of an issue. I don’t mean relax to the point of not good; but not everything has to be done exactly, just so. Heavenly Father, please help me to forgive quickly and with my whole heart, not just in word or by choice.