- The Boyd’s Bears on the left: mom gave them to me in 2004, when I was down in Wisconsin. The year my kids & I went to live with my grandparents for a couple of the winter months, and my grandma passed away in the first two weeks. The one with books was to represent Vince, he was in kindergarten, the little girl with flowers was Christine (3 at the time), and the one wiping tears was me. I don’t regret a moment of the seven months we lived down there. It was such a special time to be with my Wisconsin family when my grandma passed away. My children actually have memories of my grandpa too. Grandpa passed away two years later.
- The lego graduate is from my kids last year. It is a mini-figure and came out right about the time I finished school.
- The tiny Boyd’s Bear is drinking tea, from the tea pot figurine that says, “Life is a little honey and a few lumps…”.
- The wooden heart is olive wood and mom gave it to me for Christmas.
- The two little white shells & pink sea glass are from our senior youth group trip two years ago – I will have to explain this more another time.
- The pink pearl for the tiny Boyd’s Bear table is a Philippine pearl and she is sitting on a shell box from the Philippines.
- The two white rocks on either side are from my nephew when he was leaving for the Philippines — they are from the driveway :-).
- Coffee! Every time dad goes on a trip he brings mom & I a Starbucks mug, this is the one I got for Christmas.
- Shea Moisture Organic Coconut & Hibiscus lotion – my all time favorite right now. I put it on and take deep sniffs of my hands. {while my children mock me in the background :-)} I imagine being on a sandy beach, warm, and with my most favorite people in the world….I don’t care to relate how often I used my lotion this winter…
- The new clear polish I have — I don’t particularly like Sally Hansen, but I found out my OPI Nail Envy has wheat in it – seriously people! Why?! I figured out why it would make my fingernails cold, hot, then ache when I put it on; and why my fingernails wouldn’t grow for anything lately.
- Then there’s the Waucom pen…that I need to use more.
- And finally, my Boyd’s Bear pen holder. It says, “A little organization never hurt anybody.” Again, mom gave it to me. Back somewhere in 2000-2003 I decided I wanted to collect Boyd’s Bears – kind of. I didn’t want a huge collection, just a few things.
I have spent so much time this week in reflection and trying to decide so many different things. Can I just say sometimes I get really tired of trying to figure out what I am supposed to be doing. I’m still clinging to Jeremiah 29:11-13.
“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart...”
I have to believe He does have a plan, a special purpose for me, and it is all to His Glory. It is easy for us to get caught up in the “feel-good” part of this promise – “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” The thing is we confuse this statement so much. Our human minds think of prospering, hope, and future and measure it against our preconceived ideas, reflected by our wealth and lifestyle. That isn’t the kind of prospering He means, at least not always…and hope and future, can be “simply” our eternal life – this isn’t promised for here on earth, but as a believer.
I have to keep reminding myself of these things. Reminding myself that His answer may not/probably won’t look like I think it will/should. As I mentioned in my last post – I am incredibly rich with family and friend relationships. That isn’t my struggle. My struggle is what am I supposed to be doing?! No job = no income. However, I don’t want to work for an income, to make ends meet, because I have to. I want to be a mom and volunteer my time to help others.
- Should I be looking for work outside the home? {I don’t want to; besides, there are so many options for at-home work.}
- Where do I best look for work to do from home? {there are so many resources, it’s hard to know what direction to focus}
- What direction do I want my business to go? {Do I have to pick one? How do I keep the options open but not sound desperate?}
- Should I be putting off starting a business and instead go back to school? {Not sure how I feel on this – I want the knowledge, but is this the best route to get it? It’s expensive and do I really want to rack up more student loan money? I thought I could learn what I needed on my own, I apparently don’t learn this way.}
- What direction am I going to start Vince with high school? {This is such a huge milestone. The homeschool insecurities we all fight are trying to rear their ugly heads again.}
- Where should we spend time this summer? {Home or at the cabin – I can work from both. I can not afford to drive back and forth though. It is a 12 hour process to get from one to the other. Home is where friends and life happen. Cabin is beautiful, restful, and physically healthier for me.}
- How much do I need to focus on income, or instead relax and “go with the flow”? {This is what is eating me alive. I don’t do well with “go with the flow”. I like an organized plan. A written formula of what is the most responsible thing for me, as a single parent, with two middle school children to do. It was more obvious for me when they were little. Is this where the lesson is}
{sigh} so many multi-faceted questions…yet, according to the above verse there is one thing I know for certain. When I seek HIM with all my heart, I will find HIM. This alone will reflect my relationship with HIM. Not only do I know this for certain, but it is simply what I am on earth for; relationship with my Heavenly Father, and to bring Him glory. The other distractions are all just that – distractions. I need to be better about remembering this; He promises to meet me where I am. I don’t have to do something, get to some marker, or perform a certain way before He will meet me. He will provide and protect. When I fall short, He fills the gap.
Thank you Heavenly Father, God of the universe, King of Kings, Lord of Lords, You are merciful and gracious. Help me rest in You, I know You care.