We have little tiny leaves peaking out!  Okay, not actually at my house {but I can see buds coming at home!} — this was actually at church, just 20 min. away.

However, I will say I am in absolute denial of the snowflakes falling on my head (very tiny, but still it was snow!) moments before taking this picture and today there was slush falling out of the sky.  But since both of those moments were extremely short, and after May 1st. we. are. NOT. acknowledging them!

To dig a big deeper into my real on new thought processes, new plans, new perspectives, new schedules, new focuses….
I haven’t blogged as much lately because I can’t get my mind/thoughts/words organized and in order enough to type them.  My mind is racing nearly 100% of the time in about 10 directions.  It is not for lack of things to say or post about, but it is about sparing you the effort of reading through my word-filled, rambling, processing.  There are many aspects of life right now I need to be slow to post about.  You know, “there is a time and a place”.  I have so many things I really want to post.

As I’ve mentioned in a few recent posts, life has thrown a few curve bowling balls at me lately.  One I am pretty sure has finalized is my job.  It is done. Over.  I’m not sure what I think or how I feel.  In reality I don’t feel anything {maybe that’s why it bothers me :-)}.  It was not sudden; I was trying to be optimistic but I believe it is actually done.  The “contract” is through June, but a couple key dates have come and gone over the last two weeks and I wasn’t contacted.  It’s hard not to take it personal.  It was a great job, I learned lots, and it fit into life well.  I was originally hired by one person and within a short time a third joined our team.  We are all believers and we worked well together.  First one, then the other left, I was the final one remaining – with a new boss who didn’t think my services were necessary.  He did tell me this up front, as I said, it wasn’t sudden.

So.  I take lots of deep breaths these days and thank the Lord He is the ultimate provider God.  I’m working to not be freaked out.  {deep, deep breath}  My head knows this, my heart is slow in following…or should it be, in my core I know this, my heart & brain are slow in believing.

I have been trying to get a business started for over a year now and instead feel as if I’m just banging my head against the wall, which has really made me question if it’s the right direction to go or not.  Is God saying “wait” or “I have something better” and I’m just hanging onto the familiar thought – or do I need to push through?  At first I thought, “okay, this is God giving me the push I needed to just step out and do it.”  Then a couple possible contracts came up and I really thought, “okay, I get it; the other contract was taking too much time.  this really was just to give me the push“.  I put a lot of time into prep work and then all but one fell through. Again.  He has never failed me.  Why is this even remotely a struggle?  (Honest, unabridged, short version of why it’s a struggle….My attitude.  I don’t want to be the one responsible for earning an income for us.  I need to get over it.  I am a single parent and that is just the way it is.  You’d think I’d have this figured out after 12.5 years! {good grief})  It is a choice and I am going to Choose Joy.

Moving on…This morning my Bible Study was on James 4:11-17.  (James by Beth Moore)  In these verses we are reminded we should not state our plans as, “I will….“; but instead, say “Lord willing, I will….” or “I will…, Lord willing“.  When we just make a statement it can be considered boasting in arrogance.  I have found with this study I can only take bites of each day’s lesson.  It is so much, I just can’t absorb any more than about a half lesson each day.  (good thing I’m doing it on my own!)  I have done many Beth Moore Bible Studies; I crave the daily homework.  It is a style that works well for me {I also love, love, love fill in the blank.  It just makes my heart happy.}.  It isn’t just about the fill in the blank though, it is search for the answer {whether in the Bible or your heart} then fill it in.  All of that is to say, I haven’t finished this particular section.  I was just reminded of this.  I grew up with my dad often saying, “Lord willing, our plan is….”; so it’s not a new concept to me.  Just one I hadn’t practiced or thought about in a while.  (As I write this, I just realized I have totally blown it several times today.  There is a specific plan for Wednesday I have stated as an absolute – today, several times in fact.  Lord, I’m so sorry.  Thank you for Your forgiveness and mercy.)

I spent the day going through old photos on my computer today.  I’m working on a website and need specific photos I know I have.but.could.not.find…..so frustrating.  I really do not like iPhoto.  That is going to be a big project – figure out how to get my photos out of iPhoto – so I can find them, re-name them, and organize them so it makes sense to me!  Oh man, has time flown by.  I was seeing pictures I seriously thought was just last year or maybe the summer before….nooo, how about July 2008!  What?! Seriously?!  How on earth did that happen?  I found photos showing I started my entry way in August of 2010 – I thought it was just last fall…….I’m hoping I will get that finished up this weekend.  I just finished getting the supplies I wanted.  So, Lord willing, I will get lots of crafting/sewing time in tomorrow…maybe, I’ll even get some posts ready to do so catching up in the next week or two.  😀  


I hope you have a blessed weekend!  Remember, family is the best priority.  No matter what.