This Christmas cactus is kind of like me right now. I took this picture this morning.
It is confused — notice I said it is a Christmas cactus, it’s blooming in April!
Life has thrown some serious curve balls at me this week. The thing is, I have typically thought of “curve balls” as baseball or softball size…let me just say, this week’s curve balls have been bowling ball size and weight. I have learned lots about myself. I have hung onto these verses from James 1 a lot this week.
{2}Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds,
{3}because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance.
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{5}If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God,
who gives generously to all without finding fault,
and it will be given to him.
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{19}My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, {20}for man’s anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires.
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{26}If anyone considers himself religious and yet does not keep a tight rein on his tongue, he deceives himself and his religion is worthless.
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{27}Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.
James 1 (NIV)
So, those bowling balls…ya… definite trial of many kinds. Something happened a couple days ago which caused me to learn something about myself, but still leaves me speechless. I can “get” {or be – not sure which is correct terminology} hysterical. I do not believe I have ever been hysterical before. This reaction actually shocked me. I tend to be logical thinking and in the past I have been calm in extreme situations (maybe too calm and should have expressed some emotion); well, this week I expressed hysteria. It has been three days and I still feel jittery at times. I kind of shake my head and think, wow! did I really react like that? What is really interesting to me is that I can honestly say, if the same thing ever should happen again – I believe I would probably react exactly the same way, or maybe even worse, maybe I would just pass out. However, according to verse three, I am developing perseverance because of the faith testing this week.
God is faithful. I asked. He gave it generously. He did provide wisdom.
Anger does not help any situation; it may be an expression and one we should express appropriately at times – but it doesn’t really help. Anger is not an emotion I struggle with; I surprised myself today when something happened and my first reaction was anger. At the same time, I’m still jittery and not quite myself after Thursday. I am not sure the reaction would be different on a different day. I do know, however, it doesn’t do any good. Usually just makes me feel nauseous from the adrenaline overdose. {Verse 26 I posted about on Wednesday} As for verse 27, I want to focus on a pure and faultless religion by keeping myself polluted by the world. I would love to look after orphans and widows, as a single mom I haven’t been called in this direction, other than prayer support. A great desire of my children and I is to adopt, at this time I know that is not wise, but it is still a dream and desire in our hearts. This week though I have had to really focus on not allowing world pollution in my mind.
I am not going to apologize for my lack of posting of late. Just know, when I can talk about some of these trials – I will. When I am quiet it is because I am processing lots. Right now what I’m processing can’t be shared online. I don’t mean to be so vague but the week’s trials are ones I can’t directly talk about at this time. I am in the midst of a few hard life lesson weeks. Lots of praying, lots of clinging to Jesus. I’m so thankful I have a Heavenly Father who loves me, cares about me, and provides everything I need just when I need it!