I’m feeling the urge to explain my header photo…  Several summers ago (July 2009), my cousins were here for a wedding.  We went hiking in the mountains/valley nearby; we were eighteen bodies and five carloads to get there (I think, if I remember right).  We were not quiet as we walked.  It was a summer that allergies were really reeking havoc on my body.  The dirt trail was killing my feet.  As we walked we came upon this sight.  When I saw how it was a rough path with a smooth spot, then rough again, and how I couldn’t see around the corner; it immediately made me think of how when we’ve chosen Christ to be Lord of our lives, He promises He will always direct our paths, and He will protect us every step of the way.  He will never fail us.  At the time I had no idea what lay ahead.  None.  {It’s a really good thing too!  I could not have handled the knowledge.  He is so faithful.}

Interestingly, just over a year ago I wrote a “post“.  This post was on balance, I was feeling very off-kilter.  In looking back over the last year – it.has.been.AMAZING!  A year like no other, a year I could have never imagined, one probably not soon (or ever?) to be repeated.

That post was written at a time of reflection after having put my kids “into” school.  (In August 2010 I enrolled them into a local charter school.)  It was one of the hardest things I had ever done.  I felt nearly crushed to pieces, hard to breathe type of crushing, every morning I dropped them off. {I did not let them know this – I would hold it together with LOTS of prayer until they got out of the car.  Then I’d bawl my eyes out as I drove home.}  Right after Christmas break, we (the kids & I) decided for them to come back home.  While I do not regret having had them “in school” for those five months, there are at times still issues that come up as a direct result of things learned I would have chosen to protect my children from.

When I wrote the post in February, we were still trying to find our balance; the changes were still relatively recent.  A year later, many adventures later, much family time later, more mistakes later – and when I read that post, it is still as true as if I’d just written it. {sigh} At this point, I’m choosing to turn to the Father and say, “Lord, You’re reasoning is perfect.  I don’t understand why, but it isn’t important for me to understand why.  It is important for me to trust You.  So I am going to.”

I’m in the midst of way too many decisions.  Some big.  Some small.  I’m fighting fear over circumstances – which brings me back to just a couple days ago and “the faith to not have fear“.  All of these circumstances can tempt me to get sidetracked wondering – did I not learn anything over this last year?  As I prepared a recent Captivating post, I was reminded of this truth:

“An intimate relationship with Jesus is not only for other women, for women who seem to have their acts together, who appear godly and whose nails are nicely shaped.  It is for each and every one of us.  God wants intimacy with you.  In order to have it, you, too, must offer it to him. (page 122,Captivating by John & Stasi Eldredge)

Oh, how this makes me thankful.  No matter how many mistakes I make, God, my Heavenly Father, wants simple, intimate relationship with me.  It’s isn’t only for those look like they have it all together.