Today is Friday, Five Minute Friday with Lisa-Jo. I haven’t written with the FMF crew in a long time – as in the last one was the end of February. Now it is hard to come back to writing – it already wasn’t easy, but I looked forward to it. Have to admit – it scares me to jump back in.
today’s word: Brave
START: As I’ve said before, I’ve had to face some things this year that have been very dark and ugly – my sin, others’ sin and living the repercussions of both. Because of someone else’s sin, someone I love dearly but now struggle to separate from a sin I have always considered the worst of the worst, because of that persons life choice – I’ve had to face down some ugly fears and untruths in my own life. Fears and untruths I believed for 30 years, I sinned by believing these things.
To heal, I needed quiet and lots of time with the Lord. I needed to step away from the noise of our online world. Even though I was reading good things, my heart was parched dry – it was like a flash flood. Words of healing couldn’t even soak in, but as I took a break, gave myself more breathing room and it took time to let real truths soak in, I am starting to feel replenished. I couldn’t sort what was okay to say and what wasn’t; what was okay to think and feel and what wasn’t. In the meantime, in February I sent out support letters and as a result and by God’s grace and the generosity of others – my children and I are in the Philippines.
I have never been out of the country (not counting driving thru Canada or into Mexico for a few hours). I’ve never been in extreme areas of poverty. I’ve not known how other cultures live and work. I don’t know another language besides English. {I can’t even understand English when it is spoken with an accent.} I only know American dollars. I have to eat gluten free. I’m in a country that doesn’t understand gluten free – even though their natural foods are gluten free; they use lots of soy sauce.
Days before leaving I had a women say I was brave to come, by myself with my children. I don’t feel brave. I’m here because I can help my brother, his wife, and their three children. I don’t think bravery is intentional. My little understanding of ‘being brave’ is to totally give it all up to a Heavenly Father who knows. He knows what is best for us. He knows His perfect plan for my/our life. He knows what my body has rejected and how it rejects it. He knows and He cares. STOP
- I have had 3 weeks of living with a house helper. Such an amazing thing. Something I certainly haven’t ever experienced in the States. Having consistent help keeping a clean house. Oh my! Getting to live in a clean house – and there is time in each day to sit and do nothing. What a blessing!
- Two weekends ago we piled a lot of us into a very small boat, went up river and swam for several hours, then on our way back we stopped at a bit of beach with a mini rainforest hidden in the trees. Then we watched massive amounts of bats come out of their cave for their nightly hunt.
- A week ago we went to a tribal village. {Oh my! More will come of that later. I’m still processing.}
- Last weekend I hiked thru a bit of jungle, walked in a river, and climbed a waterfall. {I’m not overly fond of being in water, and for sure am afraid of what lives in it. I’m not fond of living creatures of any kind in all these many places.} All firsts. All in the same five hours.
- All week I’ve eaten yellow and red watermelon and pineapple for breakfast.
- Today I watched my son cut a batch of coconuts from the tree in our backyard.
- Tomorrow I will see the Pacific Ocean like I’ve never seen it before. We will ‘live in’ swimsuits for the next 48 hours.
Every single one of these is something I’ve never ever dreamed I would experience. So abundantly more than I could have ever imagined or dreamed. I’m starting to feel alive again. Below is a for real treefort. I saw it with my own eyes – isn’t it amazing?!
