In August of 2016, when my son left for college, my daughter’s and my world were shaken. The trigger induced some major medical reactions in my daughter. For me, it was the breaking point. I HATED what I saw happening to her, knowing from personal experience the mental torment involved with the physical symptoms she was experiencing – on top of the pain of her older brother being far away. It was the second time in my life e.v.e.r.y.t.h.i.n.g. felt bitterly out of control and I was completely helpless to ease the pain in my child’s life. All I could do – and of course the best thing – was cling to the promises of my loving

At the time, August of 2016, I decided I no longer wanted to be stuck. It was time for major changes because I knew I’d never finish making little changes He was calling me to make. My daughter still had two years of high school left and she wanted to finish where we were.

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I desperately didn’t want to be a single-mom. I didn’t know any single parents. Only one relative on both sides of my family as far back as we knew had been divorced. I desperately didn’t want to be a single-mom. I pleaded with God for things to change.

When my daughter was 10 weeks old, it was obviously time for a change. I asked him to get help or leave. He left. My children & I became a single-parent family 18 years ago. While there were hardships, I am so thankful for the wisdom and support of friends & family. At the time and especially in hindsight, I knew we were better off. We were safe. And while I couldn’t provide a father for my children, there was peace in our home.

Nearly every day for the last 18 years has started with me having Bible Study time in the morning – I don’t function well if I didn’t start the day with Him. (Do you know the example of putting rice & a golf ball in a jar? It’s so totally true!*) Then came my children. My mom had always wisely said to not do things while kids were sleeping that you could do when they were awake. I also knew I was supported by friends and family in prayer, and my parents allowed us to live in the apartment attached to their house. I was greatly blessed. His ways are not our ways. My children & I were redeemed in seperation.

*Object lesson:

If you have a large jar; a golf ball, marble, or something bigger; and enough rice to almost fill the jar.

Imagine the golf ball/marble/whatever is the time you want to spend with God each day.
The rice is every other big & little thing that happens in a day.

If you fill the jar with rice and try to add the larger object, you’ll have a hard time making it all fit. Imagine the days you have your to-do list and think you have the perfect plan to make it all work. It’s tiring always trying to put so much in the day.

But, IF you put the large object in first (or start your day with your Heavenly Father), you can pour the rice in and around and everything will fit. And, honestly, if there’s a little left over it probably doesn’t matter much.

THE POINT: Do your quiet time first thing in the morning and everything else in the day will fit in & work out for His glory.

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“Forget about what’s happened;
    don’t keep going over old history.

BE ALERT. BE PRESENT.

I’m about to do something brand-new.
    It’s bursting out! Don’t you see it?
Indeed, I WILL MAKE A WAY in the wilderness, rivers in the dessert.”

The first instruction to us: FORGET about what’s happened, don’t keep going over old history.
The second instruction to us: BE ALERT.
The third instruction to us: BE PRESENT.
Not one of these instructions involves any activity other than our heart and mind being turned to Him, focused on Him.

Seek Him first.

The FIRST PROMISE to us: He is about to do something. [He already has a plan.]
The SECOND PROMISE to us: He will make a way. [No matter what circumstances we see.]

Lately, I’ve wondered if my hanging on so tightly to these verses was me reading into something I wanted to be there. I kept wondering if because they were in the Old Testament they meant something different than how I was understanding them.

Then four different instances in the last two weeks brought these verses front and center. Philippians 3:13 …But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead…”

Old Testament and New Testament – the instruction is the same. Forget what is behind. Look forward.

I’ve been redeemed with Scripture.

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Let the redeemed of the Lord say so,
whom he has redeemed from trouble.
Psalm 107:2 in the New International Version (NIV)

Has the Lord redeemed you? Then speak out!
Tell others he has saved you from your enemies.
Psalm 107:2 in The Living Bible (TLB)

Let the redeemed of the Lord say so,
whom He has redeemed from the hand of the adversary.
Psalm 107:2 in the New American Standard Bible (NASB)

Let the redeemed of the Lord proclaim
that he has redeemed them from the power of the foe.
Psalm 107:2 in the Christian Standard Bible (CSB)

I have been redeemed and it is time for me to speak up and say so! I don’t typically speak up in a group setting, so this is not my natural go-to. However, this month is Write 31 Days and I’ve joined many others in setting the goal to write everyday this month. And, in obedience to my Heavenly Father, I will be proclaiming His redemption in my life. Since I haven’t blogged in forever, it will be a learning curve to come write in this space each day.

First of all, I grew up in a loving, conservative, Christian home. I was born in Alaska, the years I was seven and eight we lived in Wisconsin for the winter and went to Alaska in the summer. From nine until fourteen we lived full-time in Wisconsin; then two months after I turned fourteen we moved back to Alaska.

You know how so often young kids are asked what they want to be when they grow up? As a young girl, the only thing I ever wanted to be was a mom and wife.

Prior to nine, I was a very happy child. I totally believed Jesus was the answer to anything and everything, this belief has never wavered. I’ve often been told I have a lot of faith. Mostly, I’m determined and stubborn. I know what I believe and I believe whole-heartedly in Jesus Christ as my Savior – no matter what.

When I was nine, I was sexually abused. There was a lot of confusion and mistrust planted in my mind because the abuser told me my parents knew and were okay with what he was doing. Of course they didn’t know, but I didn’t know this until I was a junior in high school. After the abuse, I started to have nightmares. I never told anyone about them, but I practiced my absolute faith early on – in the nightmare I would simply say, “In the name of Jesus, you can’t hurt me”, and then I’d wake up. It was not uncommon for this to happen multiple times in a single night. There were a couple recurring, but most just had the same theme.

In my naiveté, the lies I believed included that I would never be able get married, which to me also ment I’d never have children. When I went to college I was introduced to someone who claimed to have been raised similarly to me, and said there was no issue with the previous abuse.

Shortly after getting married, I realized life was not going to be what I expected. Nor, was it something I should have understood. It was an abusive marriage – emotionally and verbally – probably in other ways too, but I haven’t chosen to research it too much. I didn’t understand what was going on, and I thought I was stuck for life. I had been taught, believed, and committed to marriage for life. I didn’t understand there were options unless there was physical abuse. So I attempted to make the best of life. I put aside the dream of being a mom, I doubted it could be good. I knew I didn’t want to bring children into the abusive situation.

Redemption: When I thought I wouldn’t ever get married, I did. While I thought it was best to not have children, God had other plans. My son is my oldest; over his second birthday I had a miscarriage. At that point life had becom enearly unbearable. I believed it best for him to be an only child. Eleven days after his third birthday, my daughter was born. Ten weeks later my husband, my childrens’ daddy left.

We were redeemed. He was the abuser, and he left. I can only attribute his leaving to being an answer to prayer. I would not have had children without being married, and I belived being married was for life. Our family of three was recovered. Our family of three was changed for the better. Our family of three was obtained, released, restored from “captivity”.

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According to the online Merriam-Webster Dictionary.com:

• REDEMPTION (noun)
  • the act, process, or instance of redeeming; to redeem
• REDEEM (verb)
  • to buy back;
  • to free from what distresses or harms;
  • to change for the better;
  • to repair, restore;
  • to atone for.

According to Dictionary.com:

• REDEMPTION (noun)
  • an act of redeeming or atoning for a fault of mistake, or the state of being redeemed;
  • deliverance, rescue;
  • Theology. deliverance from sin, salvation;
  • atonement for guilt.

• REDEEM (verb)
  • to buy back, clear by payment;
  • to recover;
  • to exhange;
  • to convert;
  • to make up for, make amends for;
  • to obtain the release or restoration of, as from captivity – by paying a ransom;
  • Theology. to deliver from sin & its consequences by means of a sacrifice offered for the sinner.

However, this year it has become apparent to me the word is not singluarily about Jesus redeeming me from my sins. It can be used in other ways as well. While it is most importantly because of Jesus’ death for my sins & His conquering death with His resurrection from the dead, I am redeemed (You can be too.) – I am also in “the state of being redeemed”.

As I mentioned in my last post, this year has held A LOT of changes. When I wrote the post in January, I still had all the unknowns ahead of me. Now the changes have been made and I’m starting to process. I was, and still am, EAGER to see what God has in store, but I need to stop, ponder, and reflect on how He is redeeming what I’ve always thought. Once again, it is time for 31 Days, so I’m going to write about the many ways I am in “the state of being redeemed” by my Father.

As I mentioned last October, while I want to love October, I’ve struggled with this month for years. For a variety of reasons, I have a HARD time letting September go and letting October start. This year, I’ll have just moved 3,200 miles after living in the same place for the last 19 years. I know I need the mental space to get caught up on school and I’m choosing to extend myself the grace – in advance – to start on Monday, October 8th.

This month, I’m going to be studying & reflecting on God’s redemption in all parts of my life. I will be writing with the Write 31 Days group about Redemption in Life & Business.

Speak Out
Redemption in Separation
Once Again

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Choosing to embrace medical ways was hard. But I believe God works through doctors and medicines. Our bodies are crazy complex creations. It took a few doctors and doctor referrals and referrals from those doctors to get to some REALLY good ones. In the end, she has learned how to manage. She made it through the wedding being well. She was able to go on a 10-day kayaking trip – learning even more about herself and how much to push.

I chose to embrace all the changes planned with my son’s wedding. WOW! My daughter & I were so blessed by the bride and her family including us. Starting August’ish of 2016, I started meeting with two friends for Bible Study. One, we’ve been friends for about 20 years. The other, my son’s now mother-in-law. Our Bible Study time became wedding planning time, which has become visit time :-). But the blessing of being friends with my son’s new mom is amazing!

While the year was one with a lot of changes & adjustments,

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Four years ago my One Word was Trust.
Three years ago my One Word was Receive.
Two years ago my One Word was a continuation of three years ago.
Last year my One Word was Embrace.

I can confidently say I do trust Him. For my journey, I am still working on learning to receive, but this is definitely easier than it has been. The second part of my learning to receive was choosing to embrace.

Four years ago I started pondering Isaiah 43:18-19, which was when I knew I needed to learn to receive. Working on receiving well (not just choosing to accept) was the second year I spent on receive. Receiving lead me to knowing I would have to work hard at embracing. all. the. changes. … and have there been a boatload of them since May 2016, and they’ll continue through this year!

“Forget about what’s happened;
    don’t keep going over old history.

Be alert. Be present.

I’m about to do something brand-new.
    It’s bursting out! Don’t you see it?”

These verses come to mind quite consistently in my day to day life.

:: A constant reminder to be alert. be present. to look for the new things He is doing.
:: A constant reminder to choose to receive His grace over all.

It has taken me a few years to get to the point of being excited about His plans, without experiencing mind-paralyzing fear of the unknown. He knew I would need more time before I could anticipate well the plans He has for me (Jeremiah 29:11-14). I didn’t realize it until reflecting & writing this post – He started working on me four years ago! (can you say SERIOUSLY S.L.O.W. PROCESSOR! – good grief ?)

All of of this is to lead up to telling you the significance of my one word for 2018: Eager.

I am honestly EAGER for all of the changes & challenges ahead in this new year.

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Leaves have fallen off the trees.
It’s dark.
There isn’t snow.

It’s also when the first round of PFDs come out – this is a positive & a negative. It usually means money has been way too tight & now going into the stores are awful … because everyone now has a bit of cash to spend. The stores treat it like another Black Friday.

Also:
22 years ago I got married in October.
18 years ago my husband chose to work in a location requiring him to live elsewhere.
17 years ago he left.

As much as I want to, I don’t particularly like October. But this year God had a different plan. I believe this is the beginning of the evidence of the changes He has been preparing me for. It is 5am on October 3rd in the Seattle Airport – mom, Christine and I are off for an adventure. We actually made the tickets a month ago and we’ve been able to look forward to October coming. It’s been fun.

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Here we are at another #31Days Challenge … This year I’m going to write about one word journeys. They will probably mostly come from one word thoughts regarding the last 18 months or so of life.

So much has happened and then again, not really. All “productivity” of the last eight months has happened in the last couple months or so. There are so many things I could go back and recap, but I’m just going to start where we are today and then I’m hoping to go forward from here – giving background as we go. Because of the nature of all the changes, the details will be working their way out as I start to process.

Here’s the super-duper short nutshell version of our life realities over the last 18 months:

• My daughter had a horrific end of her Sophomore year. My son, Vince, was a HUGE support for her. They are three years/two grades apart.
• He then graduated from high school in May 2016.
• Vince left for college last fall. August 1st. He drove out with his best friend. Which means, his college experience started with him going on an International road trip – in a vehicle we’d owned for about two weeks.
• His leaving was truly awful for my daughter and I. I expected it to be bad – but it was 10x+ worse than I/we expected. I think the whole ending of year prior/single parent/homeschool together-all-the-time home kind of backfired when it was suddenly just her & I.
• Vince home for his first Christmas break from college.
• Vince got engaged while home for Christmas Break.
• He left for the last time after a Christmas break from college.
• Over $10K has been spent for Christine’s medical doctor appointments this calendar year. Pretty sure this is more than the total combined of her medical, dental, and eye costs of her whole life put together. SO THANKFUL for insurance!
• Going to that many doctor appointments is a full-time job. Especially when the bulk of the appointments were an hour away one-way from home.
• Christine got her driver’s license.
• She completed her Junior year – in spite of the sickness.all.year.
• My daughter, my baby, is a SENIOR!
• Vince completed his freshman year in college – with straight A’s! Simply amazing.
• He came home for the last time as a young, single adult. We had six weeks until the wedding and he was working full-time.
• My son got married in June! I now have another daughter. She is wonderful. I’m a mother-in-law?! Pretty sure I’m not mature enough for this role.
• My bestest-sister-friend of 20+ years came to visit me for the FIRST TIME EVER, for a whole 10 days. She came for my boy’s wedding. She helped with last minute decoration making. She helped my dad cook the Rehearsal Breakfast. She was our last minute appointed wedding coordinator. She helped us set up. She did the bride’s make-up. …and we forgot to take a picture of us together at the wedding???! We remembered four days later, then only took a couple – with the wind blowing!
• My oldest turned 20.
• Christine went on an 8-day kayaking trip in Canada.
• My youngest turned 17.
• Five short weeks after the wedding, my son and his bride left to go back to college.
• Because Christine can now drive herself, she gets to take a ton of classes – five at the school and four dance classes.
• Just like that, I get to stay home. All by myself for 10-12 hours four days a week. (Life is weird!)
• For the first time in over 20 years, I have the opportunity to work full-time from home (she has the car).
• I’m working on figuring out a new routine. A new normal. I believe blogging will be part of this new normal. I have an ounce of mental space, again. I can think in mostly coherent sentences – almost.

This has been a LOT of changes! My mind & body are just starting to feel a little bit “normal” for the first time in a really long time. We have had over 18 months of non-stop, major life-altering changes.

What was “normal” 18 months ago will never be again. TRUTH.
Most all are/were good changes. right changes. healthy changes. TRUTH.

It’s still exhausting. TRUTH.

This extremely introverted, slow processing, highly sensitive momma is tired. Through it all, I worked hard to remember to EMBRACE the changes. Some moments all I had to do was remember I wanted to, other moments took hours of praying myself through.

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I didn’t finish 31 Days – back in October. and I’m not sure I will.

I was launching my business blog, the same month. I thought it would be easier to make writing a priority if I was writing for two blogs (I could separate me from my geekiness)…which was true.

EXCEPT, I didn’t account for the emotional energy required for writing about our life Reflections.

AND, I had a product launch happening for my brothers site. which resulted in lots of orders (I’m the packaging & shipping department).

AND both my daughter & I got sick the end of September – and one or both of us have basically been sick ever since. It’s been a really long school year.

I knew I wasn’t really done with the life verses of 2015 & 2016. Remember, I’m a slow processor, so while the masses choose a different word each year, it takes me longer to “be done” with the word. It feels as if the last three One Words & Life Verses have totally gone together, growing, showing another perspective.

| Embrace |

The definition of embrace: (verb) accept or support (a belief, theory, or change) willingly and enthusiastically; (noun) an act of accepting or supporting something willingly or enthusiastically.

If you care to know, my business is Dot&Ink Designs. My brother’s is Blue Ice Aviation – if you need an Alaska scenery calendar and you don’t want to pay shipping…digital calendars are now an option.

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